Help me sack my relative

[Familybusinessesarehardwork]

I'd love thoughts on how to manage this difficult situation.

I run my family business that my grandparents set up, having been in management positions in corporate roles I switched because the family members running it needed help.

My Father and his Sister & brother ran the business together. They are both dead and two of my cousins are in the business.

My Dad is the CEO

One cousin a woman is in the business and we work well together although her work is often under acknowledged/appreciated.

One Cousin is Male a director and is the problem he is in charge of customer service and sales, he is just not very dynamic and the sales team are not being pushed to do anything as a result.

We have had a real hard time recently and the management team and I have worked really hard to update the business in every way possible which is paying off we are getting industry awards and good feedback, he has not helped with any of this and doesn't do anything you'd expect a director to do.

We have 250+ employees and the lack of input from my cousin has definitely been noticed and puts more pressure on the management team.

Recently I've had customers have a quiet word with me about my cousin telling me he is very negative and dragging the business down.

I've passed this feedback back to my Dad, who just says he's my dead siblings child I can't do anything.

If this was a corporate job I'd be in the position to performance manage him out but this isn't a corporate business that power lies with my Dad.

He's also had loads of training, mentoring and support to be able to perform that the business paid for so not like we haven't tried to support him.

So I'm basically left to do his job and mine. Any thoughts on how I change this I think the key is getting my Dad to realise he has options and that he can do something.

Oh to add there's an element of sexism until recently this male Cousin was on significantly more money than me and any admin, HR, IT or organisation task always falls to me, basically if it's not exciting and showy i.e big sales then I seem to have to do it.

Sad thing is a think that if cousin was a women he'd have been sacked years ago, basically the penis owners are allowed to chronically underperform but the women in the business particularly the family members are held to a really high standard.

To add this isn't the first negative feedback I've had from customers about him.

He's also not done certain takes meaning lots of running around and a couple that could have lost us million pound deals.

This is chronic under engagement and performance.

if it’s ultimately your Dads decision then all you can do is keep showing him why your cousin isn’t the best person for this role. Show him customer feedback and sale data. Surely if it’s hurting the business then he’ll have to listen at some point. Could a new role be found for him that is just made up? Yes it would still be galling to know that he’s getting paid but at least the business wouldn’t be impacted.

How long has he been employed by the company?

Hopeful bump for you as it must be really hard.

could you prepare a document outlining everything he should be doing (roles and responsibilities) and task him with doing them, along with a time frame to achieve them and see if he crumbles under the pressure and walks away himself?

also prepare another doc with all the ways he’s failing, to give to your dad?

and start managing his areas yourself, so sharing monthly targets, aims, goals, plans etc with the sales team, so they all start answering to you instead?

@TwoBlueFish thanks yes in a 'normal' business my role is the most senior after Dad's but just doesn't work that way. He seems to completely bury his head in the sand. This isn't the first time I've raised this problem, I'm just told he's your cousin you need to deal with it.

@TheSpottedZebra he's been in it all his working life so about 30 years but not always a senior/director.

@Newusernameaug thanks good thoughts I've done something similar before problem is I'm only one person and we do actually need someone doing his role 🤦‍♀️

@TwoBlueFish missed one of your points we can't really afford to syphon him off elsewhere he's on a big salary too much for what he actually does not not abnormal for the role or or industry.

Is this solely your DF’s decision? I’d need to understand the board structure and who is on it. Are you a director too? Who are the shareholders?

I think you are going to have to speak more frankly with your Dad and put a full dossier together. You’ve identified that Male Cousin (MC) a significant drag on the business and under preforming in his role so there must be evidence as well as perception. He’s also causing staff to be unhappy. Can you demonstrate that he is not needed and how you can (easily?) fill his role with someone more competent. You have 250 people relying on your business for their income. Your DF has to realise that there won’t be much of the business left if unsentimental changes are not made.

My DH is a turnaround specialist. Family businesses are the worst to restructure. Can you get independent back up - a management consultancy report or an interim director? Up front money but long term benefits.

Also are MC and Female Cousin (FC) brother and sister or cousins too? How would she take it if MC was managed out? Would FC and your DF eventually understand and support your decision to do this?

BTW OP, I admire your honesty and ambition for your business. You seem certain and grounded in your decision that MC needs to go for the greater good. Not easy. Well done, because dealing with family dynamics and emotions here won’t be easy.

If you really can't get rid of him then could you bring in someone really impressive (expensive I know) on a slightly lesser level who would completely show him up... until his position becomes untenable (but would mean at least that you didn't have to do his job) ... they could slowly take over more responsibilities that he should really be doing, attendance at meetings where they would be very proactive and vocal etc... or would that create a further problem ie that you would still have to get rid of him at some point and worse still, he could well take the credit for new person's work himself?

I would offer to leave. You sound like a terrific asset for any company and it seems like the organisation you're working at is misogynistic and old fashioned. Would you still be there if your Dad wasn't the CEO ?

@MadeInChorley thanks lots of questions to answer.
Yes sadly he needs to go I've tried for 5+ years to help him and turn it around most of that time he was also on at least double my salary. Salary is decided for family members by my Dad.

Yes totally unfair on the employees that's half the problem the mindset seems to be the Dad and cousin can do whatever they like.

Before I took ony role we had a turnaround specialist in and they got so pissed off they left after a month (I think I wasn't in the business then) but have been told by some of the management team that it was because of my Dad's attitude particularly towards cousin.

No Other cousin isn't his siblings and she's pissed off and thinking of leaving.

No proper board as such there's two employees and then male Cousin and I plus Dad. Until I came there was no board reporting just a pint down the pub, fine for a small business not something with 250+ employees and a multi million pound turnover. No shareholders but it is in a family trust all the grand children could but don't receive a dividend.

Thanks @rookiemere I've thought of it I've got a few management qualifications including an MBA which means I can jump ship if needed but I don't want to give up without a fight. The employees deserve more, my grandparents had nothing and I also have that guilt they aren't alive but still don't want to let them down.

Also I do have a lot of flexibility (not that I really use it) that I wouldn't get in another role unless I was the owner.

I think you need to protect your own earning power and pension.

Whilst your cousin is there in a senior position,the company will not succeed, it's nepotism pure and simple

Tell your Dad he gets rid of your cousin - or demotes or move sideways, isn't there anything he would be better at -or you will leave.

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit good thought I've tried something similar before frustratingly my Dad is vetoing any new employees.

Thinking about it I have a cousin and a father problem. In the past it was run with a very autocratic culture which really doesn't work especially as you get bigger or need feed in by employees, I think it's grown so big but my Dad hasn't really caught up or realised he needs to change because why would he, he's still getting his comfortable salary whilst I do all the work!

I think I would try to get work outside of the family environment. If you get an interview then speak to your dad, explain why you're doing it and give him the option of dealing with your cousin.

Is there any way you can demonstrate cousins incompetence by letting him fail at something specific and ring fenced ?

Say go on a holiday for a couple of weeks just before a big pitch or something. It feels like your DF will only take action if he actually sees himself losing money- at the minute you are papering all the cracks.

I'm with rookiemere

The only time DF will deal with or see it is when he's felt the pain himself.

If he doesn't then step into action you'll have to bow out. I appreciate that you don't want to let your grandparents down but it's not you doing the letting down.

Could you look to sell the business and split the profits between all the shareholders?

@Familybusinessesarehardwork I really feel for you as this is not just a business issue. The repercussions are personal as well as professional.

Part of the issue is your cousin has been allowed to think he is great at his job for 30 + years. He has been promoted several times and is now Director with a commensurate salary. I expect no one has given him honest feedback and your Dad has treated him as being great at his job.

The reality is if you did find a way to exit him, your cousin will probably struggle to get/keep another job. I suspect if that happened your Dad would take him back.

I am assuming your cousin is in his late forties/early 50s. Is partial retirement/part time an option? This would release part of his salary to employ a new customer and Sales Manager?

Can you split his job into two e.g. Sales Director/Manager and Customer Services Director/ Manager? If so, which would a) be the role that a new person could make the biggest impact? and b) the role he could do the least damage?

A creative solution may be to suggest the management board is restructured with new titles e.g. Deputy CEO or similar (you), Director of Talent or some other wanky but important sounding title (cousin) etc. Cousin is moved sideways and salary is frozen, realistically you won’t get him to take a pay cut. You recruit a new person to be Head of customer and sales.

I honestly feel you may have reached the point where you may need to give your Dad an ultimatum I.e. it’s me or him or you support me to make xyz change. All you can play on is the financial impact on your Dad and the business e.g. cousin is costing us customers/income/turnover.

@Familybusinessesarehardwork sorry just seen your Dad won’t allow you to recruit anyone.

It sounds as though you have explored all potential obstacles and the gatekeepers won’t listen, I can’t see what else you can do here? How is the share holding divided?

Sorry all out for dinner with customers.

From what I understand with the shares until my Dad dies he's the sole trustee and then the shares are split in three and then split amongst the number of grandchildren, the other cousins her siblings and my sibling will have the higher control but as far as I understand have no rights or control now.

@rookiemere weird thing is my Dad notes he's been rubbish for years he'll sometimes day he doesn't do his job and yet he still keeps him on, perhaps he's softer than her appears our just not strong enough to do what needs to be done.

@MechyMagic very true I didn't make the mess but I seem to be the one clearing it up, half the time I won't how it's ever been so profitable or had no real HR processes, no CRM the accounting system was an abacus and chalk... well an ancient sage system.

@WestOfWestminster I've wondered that but don't think it's worth much at the moment everything has got in such a neglected state, if I plan that then I need to finish implementing everything I'm already doing as at the moment no one would buy us, our main selling point would be our client base and I've just implemented a CRM system but of course my cousin isn't using it and not pushing forward with helping with data entry.

@RoseBucket I'm glad you've said that because I always think there's a solution but I've gone over this some many times and tried so many things I really am at a loss.

@Premiumbondbaby your pretty close to right on that only thing is my Dad has always been clear with my cousin that he's not happy with his performance but then never done anything about it.
What funny is my Dad has been nagging me constantly about all the areas I control as we've had real issues with our supply chain which I think we've done incredibly well to survive basically because he wants his dividend that I'm not even supposed to know about never try to hide something from the person who's setting up the new accounting and software systems. Yet arguably my cousin cost the business way more in lost sales and business.

Is there a process for formally challenging your dad?
Nuclear option, but that the moment, he's not actually fulfilling his role well if he's allowing this to happen.

Otherwise, cheap and easy option - staff/customer survey. Get written down how useless people think he is (cousin). Get some metrics behind it. Show what the implications could be. Do you do 360° performance reviews?

@Familybusinessesarehardwork i would put a brief report together that shows the cost to the business due to your cousin. In the report show the impact on your Dad’s dividend.