Not heard a thing from my old workmates

[minkymini]

Left my old workplace a few months ago . Swapped contact details with colleagues, we all got on , had a laugh and supported each other . Sent a few messages but Not heard a thing from anyone . I guess it's a case of out of sight out of mind . How quickly people are ghosted and forgotten.

Not sure how old you are but one thing I've realised as I get older is you need to tell the difference between real friends and passing acquaintances. Sometimes you make real friends at work and that's great. But sometimes they are just passing acquaintances. Every type has its place in your life. I hope you will make some new acquaintances or even friends soon at your new place of work.

Made the mistake of thinking they were more friends than colleagues, as we all got on so well and worked together for a long time .

Did you ever socialise outside of work on a regular basis? Often people keep their 'work friends' at work and have their 'real friends' outside of work.

Sometimes the only thing you actually have in common is work. If you didn’t socialise together and weren’t involved with their friends or family outside of work and no one’s contacted you then you were just colleagues in that particular place in time.

This is completely normal. I have had a number of jobs over nearly 40 years, and kept in touch with only a tiny handful of people, ie the ones who are actually friends. And thank goodness, as usually the only thing we have in common with colleagues is work, so it's easy to move on when that link is broken.

There’s a real difference in my mind between work friends and real friends and it takes a really long time for me to make the transition from one to the other. I’ve just handed in my notice at a friendly workplace with loads of colleagues I really like casually spending time with and I reckon I’ll keep in touch with two or maybe three people at a push once I leave.

Did you only swap contact details when you were leaving? Or had there been contact (not to do with work) over the long time you worked there? That would indicate actual friendship rather than work mates.

Totally normal. I've just moved to a different area in the company I work for, after many years. I've not given the people I worked with a second thought and will only ever end up speaking to them if it's about work.

Never kept in touch with any other colleagues either. Only thing I had in common with them was work.

Work friends is an odd relationship.

I have 2 teams of people at work. We often have team lunches, celebrate birthdays, share details about our lives, chat, laugh and enjoy working together. But they rarely spend time together outside work and I don’t spend time with any of them outside work. The only real thing you have in common is working in the same place.

I am in my 40s. In my whole career I have made one work friend who became an actual friend. We are still friends years after working together, but I would depend time with her outside work. We slowly got to know eachother then did more with each other outside work. It was a slow burn over about 2 years before we did things outside work.

I think the reality is, no matter how long we work with people, they are often simply work friends and not actual friends.

Normal. Pre pandemic I'd been in my job for several years, our team regularly socialised together. First we were all furloughed and then some of us including me were made redundant. I haven't seen any of them in over 3 years now since the day we were furloughed. There was a bit of messaging initially but now we're nothing more than FB friends. I'm fine with it - these were colleagues I was friendly with, but they were never actual friends.

I’ve had similar in the past. There’s probably only one colleague I’d kept in contact with that I could call a friend but recently that’s gone off the radar too.
Some did meet for a coffee or two but once you leave you quickly get forgotten. I don’t worry about it anymore.

"ghosted" ?

As everyone has said, this is perfectly normal.
I've got on with work colleagues wherever I have worked, but the only people I've kept in touch with afterwards is the very occasional person that I had become friends with outside of work for some time prior to whichever of us left.

the fact you said you were swapping contact details as you were leaving, suggests this isn't the case.

Perfectly normal. Lots of friends as you go through life are friends due to circumstance. It's nice to bump into them years later and ask how things are, but if you weren't going out together / in and out of each others live when you worked with them, it is unlikely to develop later. Which is fine.

I think if you didn't socialise or have friendships with them outside of work then you can't really expect them to keep in touch.

This ⬆️

As others have said, I think if you weren't already friends outside of work then you're expecting too much.

It doesn't take much to text a few words.

I left a job after 14 years. Shared some real ups and downs of my life with many of my colleagues who were a great support. But I will not be keeping in touch with most of them, other than perhaps the odd message on linked in if something of relevance pops up. They were work friends who I didn’t socialise with outside of work.

But they are not your friends? It actually is a bit of a mental lift to text people you aren't friends with, I certainly wouldn't be bothered with it.

But what’s the point of the few words if you’re just exchanging how are yous?

It’s obvious you’re finding it hurtful but it really is completely normal. Most work friends are great to have to pass the days with, and have work gossip with (and nights out too) but won’t end up your long lasting friends. I had a job for 15 years and apart from DH (who I picked up from it) I am in regularish contact with two people. I have others that I occasionally meet for a drink and have a good laugh with, but mostly no contact at all with people. It’s not about me or them, just circumstance. It happens for most of us in every job.

I'm sorry you're feeling let down- but I don't class work friends as friends- if we don't ever catch up and socialise outside of work, it's a friendship of convenience. Have you contacted any of them and asked to meet up, or sent updates about what's going on now?

There's a saying that there's three types of friends - "friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime". It's easy to feel friendly with someone who you need to pass the time during the day, to vent about colleagues or to eat lunch with, but that doesn't always translate into real friendships. Sometimes it does but that's the minority in my experience.

It doesn't take much to text a few words.

Well, it takes motivation.
A reason, if you like.
I don't text my colleague in the evenings or at weekends now, whilst they are my colleagues, so I wouldn't expect to do so when they are no longer my colleagues.
I mean, what would you be expecting them to say ?

Nothing as strange as folk. It sounds like there was a few texts (initially) maybe work got busy and they quickly forget. It’s sad but this happens more than we think I guess.

‘It doesn't take much to text a few words.’

Yeah, but for what? I don’t text a few words to people I used to work with that I’ll never see again and don’t think about. Why would I?

You didn’t answer if you only swapped contact details as you were leaving. If this was the case, they are not friends.

The phrase is Workships.
friendships purely at work, not outside. When you or they leave, it ends.