Page 2 | Being called sexists

Sleepysailor · 2023-04-23T09:25:59+00:00

Just back from work trip, I'm the manager and two of my team. Our accomodation gets booked by separate department and due to the lack of spaces we got separated and put in two different places. I was asked for opinion when it was being booked and said 'just put the girls together'. Now one of the team commented on how this was sexists and they are not happy. I don't have time for all this drama. How would you react?

multivac · 23/04/2023 12:03

Ok, so if we aren't talking about room sharing, but rather, two different hotels, then yes, it was sexist to decide who stays with the manager based solely on sex. So, a poorly justified decision, expressed in sexist language, followed by dismissing a challenge as 'drama' that you are far too important to deal with.

I'm glad you aren't a manager for me.

Original poster

Sleepysailor · 23/04/2023 13:12

No place like Mumsnet to lift your spirits 😊

OP posts:

Itwasnaeme · 23/04/2023 13:22

For safety reasons I think you made the right decision, OP.

ProtectorExtraordinaryOfTheCantonsOfNim · 23/04/2023 13:31

I'm assuming from your posts that there were three single rooms, no one actually sharing with anyone else.

I can see how if there's a perception that "Sue got to have more interaction with management than Bob because of her sex" then that could be seen as sexist, and if it did happen repeatedly - or if you frequently verbally refer to you and one of your team as "the girls" so that the other member of your team is implicitly excluded - then it would be an issue. If there isn't a pattern of behaviour and it's just this one incident then it doesn't seem worth an official complaint, though.

Is there some reason Bob was already feeling sidelined before this trip?

Guineasrule · 23/04/2023 13:36

Surprised that people have the time and headspace to get worked up about all this tbh - far bigger examples of sexism out there. Is this just about a man (who of course has never been sexist in his life) not getting his way and trying to throw his weight about?

Seriously you could say boys nights out are sexist...and I doubt he has never been on one.

CurlewKate · 23/04/2023 13:39

I would remember that adult women are not girls.

Brefugee · 23/04/2023 13:49

Guineasrule · 23/04/2023 13:36

Surprised that people have the time and headspace to get worked up about all this tbh - far bigger examples of sexism out there. Is this just about a man (who of course has never been sexist in his life) not getting his way and trying to throw his weight about?

Seriously you could say boys nights out are sexist...and I doubt he has never been on one.

is this what happened? I'd want to know more about why it was thought to be sexist by the person who complained before i dismissed it out of hand

Guineasrule · 23/04/2023 13:55

Brefugee · 23/04/2023 13:49

is this what happened? I'd want to know more about why it was thought to be sexist by the person who complained before i dismissed it out of hand

Show quote history

Sounds like it. Probably attending a conference, hotels are busy. two rooms in one hotel, one in another. Manager decided the females should stay in one hotel and the male in the other. A call had to be made, man must have preferred other hotel etc. who knows why (lost out on hotel loyalty points?) but in the grand scheme of things it is a teeny tiny minor thing.

Pixiedust1234 · 23/04/2023 13:56

I'm confused. What was the complaint about exactly, was it because the man got sent to a different hotel?

Original poster

Sleepysailor · 23/04/2023 13:59

It's never crossed my mind that this could be such an issue. Our work involves regular travel and we don't always get to stay in the same hotel. I did warn that this is might happen and they were fine about it. I got the smallest room too!
We had lunch and dinner together co no one was left out or treated differently at any moment. I was rather surprised it was complained about and now feel really bad about it. Still wouldn't call it sexist!

OP posts:

clpsmum · 23/04/2023 14:06

Sleepysailor · 23/04/2023 10:39

I'm not the man and we term girls/boys if often used in the company. Perhaps incorrectly ... I made it clear that it was my decision and that decision had to be made.

Not the point of the thread but why are you calling grown men and women boys & girls, that's very odd

clpsmum · 23/04/2023 14:06

multivac · 23/04/2023 10:39

Referring to a legitimate complaint about sexist language as 'drama' that is not worthy of your valuable time is also sexist, btw - regardless of what sex you are yourself.

This

SarahDippity · 23/04/2023 14:09

Beetrootlover82 · 23/04/2023 10:57

For your team’s sake OP I hope you’re not as unclear and ambiguous in RL as you are as a mumsnet poster

I found it clear

SarahDippity · 23/04/2023 14:12

Has the complaint been expressed in writing? I’d wait to see what the complaint actually is - saying ‘girls’? discriminatory treatment?

Brefugee · 23/04/2023 14:13

Sleepysailor · 23/04/2023 13:59

It's never crossed my mind that this could be such an issue. Our work involves regular travel and we don't always get to stay in the same hotel. I did warn that this is might happen and they were fine about it. I got the smallest room too!
We had lunch and dinner together co no one was left out or treated differently at any moment. I was rather surprised it was complained about and now feel really bad about it. Still wouldn't call it sexist!

so what is the actual wording of the actual complaint?

Brefugee · 23/04/2023 14:15

I mean, I'd be complaining at work about being called a "girl". Men can do their own complaining about being called "boys".

CaffeineFirstPlease · 23/04/2023 14:20

Hi OP, I just want to offer my perspective. I work in a very male dominant industry. Several times I have been the only woman on the team. I was often excluded. I’ve even received emails saying alright lads, (which I chose to ignore and then was accused of being difficult l. This was in my much younger days and I would
not stand for it now. I would have found what you said sexist.

I also don’t think you should dismiss your colleagues feelings. Appreciate you may have a procedure to follow if he’s made a complaint but if it were me I’d have a clear the air chat and hear their point of view. People don’t always interpret things the way we mean them.

Might be an opportunity to learn and grow as opposed to a waste of time

dammit88 · 23/04/2023 14:26

Were the two females sharing a room? or did you all have your own rooms?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 23/04/2023 14:31

I think given the update it is a petty thing to complain about given you all had meals together etc. Do they have form for being a pain?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 23/04/2023 14:31

If everyone got their own room in the two hotels (which wasn’t clear from your OP), why did you decide to put the two women in the same hotel?

I’d have put the two team members in the same hotel and put myself in the other one, by myself and further away from the venue, to avoid any sense that I might be playing ‘favourites’.

Greenfairydust · 23/04/2023 14:42

I really can't believe what I am reading...

These people were there to do a job not squabble like children...

Who cares who stayed where? as long as they had a decent hotel.

Pathetic really.

Guineasrule · 23/04/2023 14:54

@Sleepysailor Can I ask if the complainant is of a younger generation?

Itwasnaeme · 23/04/2023 15:17

A solo female traveller would often prefer to be in a hotel with someone else they know, that can't be hard to understand

LordEmsworth · 23/04/2023 15:30

It was sexist. You were dividing a group on the basis of the sex of the individuals in it. That's the very definition of "sexist".

That doesn't mean it was unreasonable, and as others have said - I'd be encouraging him to make a formal complaint about a woman preferring not to share accommodation with him, if he feels so strongly.

Guineasrule · 23/04/2023 15:47

LordEmsworth · 23/04/2023 15:30

It was sexist. You were dividing a group on the basis of the sex of the individuals in it. That's the very definition of "sexist".

That doesn't mean it was unreasonable, and as others have said - I'd be encouraging him to make a formal complaint about a woman preferring not to share accommodation with him, if he feels so strongly.

But it is not sexist. Definition from the Cambridge dictionary ''suggesting that the members of one sex are less able, intelligent, etc. than the members of the other sex, or referring to that sex's bodies, behaviour, or feelings in a negative way"

Nothing the OP has said indicates that the male was put into the hotel other than ease of logistics. The only thing about this complaint is maybe a lack of emotional intelligence.

If he and the other colleague are of the same generation (late 20's/30's) I have found (from actual experience) some of them don't like to be split up which I suspect is the problem. A fear of missing out is more likely the issue here.