Looking for a network of lawyer mums juggling things

[VictoriaMum323]

Hello, I so very often have little things to bounce off other mums who understand what the legal industry can be like, is there such a network as this in the UK (or ideally for London)? When I say network : it can be something like a Fb group or one that meets in person. Many thanks.

I’ve been PT in-house IB banking counsel for 13 years with the past 9 part time. I’ve progressed in that time but more slowly than if I hadn’t had kids. Not sure the PT impacted too much but two long Mat leaves plus the changes that happened in that time pushed me back.

my H is in house too although GC/COO type role rather than pure transactional so that helps. I had a full on Norland nanny type help for the past 9 years, have now scaled back to a babysitter-type nanny - so unqualified but sensible who does the basics and not much more. It’s not cheap still given the limited hours. I have enough flex that I don’t need too much holiday cover thankfully so that saves a bit.

non-negotiables for me

• close to work so I don’t waste too much time commuting - even with flexible working I’m still in 3 days a week (I tend to work from home more in school hols and do more in the office in term time). It’s also v helpful if there is an emergency/school event etc so I can pop home/go in 30 mins late and still be where I need to be
• rock solid childcare when youngest was under 7/8 - it’s just not worth skimping. We did state school and Uber nanny- much better value than private school overall I think
• generous holiday entitlement and use it to the full
• I don’t tend to work in the evenings - more of a skim through emails/2 lines responses and triage for the morning (eg delegating to my (tiny!) team. Not to say it doesn’t happen but its the exception rather than the rule but I’m paid less than my business guys or my external lawyers who I hire so that’s the pay off
• Automate and delegate what you can. Ocado shop on a regular day that the nanny puts away; cleaner.
• you need to build up a school network. Put in the hours in the playground and the party circuit. It pays dividends and I’ve made some lovely friends who help out and I help in return.

I am probably going to go back full time at the end of the year but I don’t regret the part time years as it’s given my kids a nice balance of work mum and home mum.

I’m 12 years PQE with an almost 5 year old and a 15 month old. Came back to work in January after second mat leave. I work in litigation for a London firm but moved to the midlands pre-covid, so had only been going into the office 1-2 days a week even before covid. Definitely finding the juggle harder with two, but know it will be easier once they are both in school as it will be one venue for drop offs/pick ups.

I do find that being beholden to the chargeable hour does at least have the benefit of work being a bit more relaxed about me taking time out during the day to drop off/pick up/do bedtime etc - as long as I get my hours done there doesn’t seem to be a problem, although as others have said it does mean working in the evenings more often than not.

Hi 👋🏻

I left private practice after my second mat leave to work in-house, best decision for me and my family. Less pressure, competition, etc but I do feel envious when I see former colleagues achieving promotions/partnerships and wonder if I could have stuck it out a bit longer 🤷🏼‍♀️

I work in-house, part time. Thinking back to private practice and not sure I could do it now with children! Hats off to those that do.
My work are very flexible and whilst I do log on to catch up in evenings it's not all the time. I went back last year after mat leave and feel I have a good balance so far but it's definitely affected my progression.

I was a partner at a small litigation firm and doing that with two small children plus a DH who commuted and no family nearby almost killed me. The other partners either had wives who were SAHM who did everything they didn't want to or had their children in boarding school (in the same city!) A lot of lip service was paid to "work life balance " and "children are most important " but ultimately if I didn't put in the billable hours I was dead meat. I never did PT apart from a few months after each child went to nursery, and it just meant I had to squeeze more into fewer hours. It's all different now I am a (non U.K.) government lawyer- no billing and no getting clients. I do the barrister role and can finally focus on the law and going to court. The attitude from management is that they want us to stay and be as productive as possible for as long as possible so they are very accommodating.

What helped me a lot when in private practice was living close to work and the railway station, so I didn't lose time commuting. Not achievable for everyone though. I never had a nanny but I had a cleaner and a gardener and cultivated friendships with other professional mothers at school that helped a lot when I needed it.

I think the attitude at law firms has to change though. I have seen younger male colleagues be much more forthright about leaving to pick up kids, not working every weekend etc and that will filter up.

Hello,

I'm 15 years PQE with a 12yo and a 6yo. I have always worked full time, but am midlands based, private practice. DH gave up work when I went back after mat leave for DC2, it's been an absolute godsend tbh. Obviously it's had an impact financially but it's been worth it. I don't do the school run unless I've got a day off, but have always been able to make it work with sports days, parents evenings etc, they are non-negotiable for me. Overall I have a good work/life balance now, but that hasn't always been the case. I guess I have chosen an "easier" path than I could have done but it suits us for now.

Hi! I'm 7PQE lawyer working in commercial and IP law. 2 kids, youngest is 20months and oldest is 7.

I don't find it too difficult but my work is very flexible these days (thankfully, as DH job is not able to flex at all). I work in-house in tech industry and WFH mainly and it's no issue for me to work my own hours - so it's common for me to log off for a bit to do kids pick ups and bedtimes and then maybe log on again. Sometimes it's actually helpful as it gives me more cross over hours with the US. I travel into office once a week usually - my commute is about an hour each way.

We use wrap around care for oldest at school and nursery for the toddler and I do a 4 day week atm. We pay extra for "early bird" hours at nursery so toddler starts at 7:30 instead of 8 which gives more leeway for commute if needed.

What about going in-house somewhere?

That's much more do-able...

Another lawyer here. Too many PQE. After being a partner in a large firm for several years and getting hacked off with the lifestyle and the misogyny I struck out on my own. It's still early days but I am making a living and loving the freedom. My last firm felt like a straitjacket.

I don't know of any general women's network. You can go on rollonfriday for a whinge, but probably won't get that much support on there as the community is small. Some practice groups have women's networks and I have found some are more useful than others. My area has a couple of decent ones. I also know of a recruiter specialising in senior women hires who hosts web chats and occasional drinks for women lawyers she has got to know.

Hi all! I’m a 3PQE City lawyer, with a 2 year old. Went back full time when he was 4 months old, whilst in the midst of PND. It was unpleasant. I generally do nursery drop off and husband does pick-up/bedtime. WFH once or twice a week. Feel guilty all the time. Standard stuff really. Would be great to have a network (there are networks within my firm, but I always feel I will be disadvantaged if I actually admit that I find things difficult, rightly or wrongly).

Thanks very much for all the responses, will respond later today.

if anyone is interested: there is a Facebook group for London lawyer mums that’s been set up for people to connect with other lawyer mums, share tips and tricks as well as instances where we’ve dropped the ball and can have a laugh about it! :

https://m.facebook.com/groups/797520355038351/?ref=share&mibextid=ykz3hl

@Voltefarce oh I know; it is so hard with short maternity leaves. My last one was 6 months but my first was very short (10 weeks plus annual leave). What is your commute like? Does your little one go to full time nursery and until what time?

I am waiting to hear on a job in London. If I get it, I will need to organise some childcare asap for the 1 year old. And a summer camp for the big one.

Where do I find people who can do drop offs and pick up - are there any agencies that anyone would kindly recommend for north west london? Thanks a lot

@eurochick thanks for this, that’s great that you’ve struck out on your own. If you don’t take the leap you’ll
never know!! How did you balance things over the years with childcare if you don’t mind me asking

@FreeButtonBee we have a lot in common! I literally have your job (investment banking in-house) but not PT. Will come back to you later on as I am heading into the office now in Asia. Just wanted to say thank you for such helpful advice and setting out all your tips.

I used a nanny. Expensive but it is the only thing that gives flexibility. We have been lucky to find excellent nannies. It can be a bit of a minefield. We didn't use an agency - we advertised on childcare.co.uk I think.

I'm lawyer with one three year old five years PQE.

I've just left my London private practice role for a risk role in search of a better balance (🙈). I was able to do pick and bedtime but I was working late kate every evening to do it.

I currently work four days with three from home.

Husband is also private practise.

Any questions fire away! I am in a European bank rather than US. which keeps it a bit more civilised. Not sure I could hack it in GS

@FreeButtonBee same here! Also not at a US bank. I am at a cross-road(s) (is that meant to be plural?!) because I am relocating back to London leaving behind a comfortable childcare set up in Asia, launching into the unknown. Kids need to get to a school each day that is 40 mins away. I would need to find a drop off and pick up service to take and pick up even if I work from home and not in the city. Otherwise I would be spending my days in the car. Prefer to use the time working then be focused on the kids in the evening. Is that common / easy enough to find a service to do drop off and pick up?

My gut feeling is to stay working FT. I think it has benefits longer term but if it is simply not doable when I get to London then I may go PT for a few years and pick back up again.

@bobby4567 interesting! Is that a risk role in a bank? Are the hours better so far?

@catsandkid sounds like you’ve got a great setup. I will probably try to stay in-house but truth is, in-house comes in all shapes and sizes :) my current company are outstanding - very reasonable and supportive of mums. However I have heard horror stories of in-house Legal being treated not very well. Will need to do my diligence I think when I find a role in London. Thanks for your helpful input. I really like to hear positive stories!

@asquideatingdough thanks for this, very helpful. That sounds like it was very challenging. Private practice can be so fulfilling if the right support network is there but it sounds like it really was not. Good for you to have made the transition.

@VictoriaMum323 It definitely does come in all shapes and sizes. I worked in-house for a smaller boutique type commercial property company in my paralegal days - it was really soul destroying and tough. I knew I had to get out of there, and thankfully found a great worldwide tech company that has good benefits and a very laid back culture (though, extremely busy all year round!) and its been a haven for me! We are Cambridge based, and there are lots of tech and pharma companies round here with large in-house commercial teams, thankfully

Bluntly no you won’t find that in London. I would aim for doing morning drop off to a breakfast club at school between you and your H and then have an after school nanny do pick up/clubs/homework/dinner and light duties until 7.30/8. After school Nannies are super hard to get - a lot of agencies wouldn’t even take me on last sept. You will need to guarantee a min number of hours eg 25-30 in Term time and full time in eg 50% of holidays. Average out the pay over the year. They will also want to take some holiday in term time which you will need to cover. Good childcare is hard and they are a Real employee with high expectations (as it should be). You will not find anything similar to the Asia set up. They also won’t do housework other than basic kids duties. Nanny housekeeper is a different role and v hard to find the balance. - they are either reluctant nannies or reluctant housekeepers I think!

Are there any ladies on here who are quite advanced in their careers (very or quite senior) who would actively (if it were an option for me) recommend that I stay full time (from the perspective of benefits in the long run)? Thank you

@FreeButtonBee many thanks