To think perusing my career is just not worth it

[thornberet]

I was put up for redundancy while pregnant with dc1 - it was blocked by the Union because it would have been discrimination (did not follow proper procedures). They also ballsed up my return to work by indicating that flexibility working request was accepted, then turned around the week I was due wasn’t - union involved again - it was accepted.

Returned to work at what is on paper an extremely family friendly job - it was always remote with the option of going into the office for meetings. All was well.. then after about 8 months they add a new office attendance requirement. I bend over backwards to meet it despite living far away and requiring overnight childcare (have to stay over the night before). Then they ramp up the workload.. say I’m not meeting my targets, you know the drill… the beginning of being managed out.

This is literally the most family friendly type of role in my industry - it doesn’t get any better. I earn a tiny portion of what dh does, however I do really value having a break from DC and a bit of alone time and the change of pace doing something that’s not domestic. I’m worried I might get lonely and resentful being a SAHM, however Dh has a big job, is away three nights a week (If I wasn’t working I could go with him sometimes). Our work event schedules have been clashing, meaning we need to be in London at different times and the admin of it all is super heavy.

I am pregnant with DC2, just been signed off work due to sickness and another pregnancy complication. Ideally I would like to work until mat leave, come back, try again and reassess, but my managers have decided - I think - that as a part timer and primary caregiver i’m a liability and they want me gone. I don’t want to put myself through the process of being torn to shreds and managed out. I am a solid (not outstanding admittedly) employee but my confidence is pretty shot already. To leave will mean admitting that a career in this industry doesn’t work for family life - i will probably be a sahm (expensive as I feel I really need some childcare still) for a while and then retrain.

I know there are people who will say dh needs to step up and take days off when dc is sick etc but he is the breadwinner and is going for promotions etc.

I’m just looking for advice really. Should I just hand in my notice and forget about trying to play the game? Should I stall as long as possible to get to the magic 15th week? I could possibly push for a settlement given their track record (this was the advice from pregnant then screwed). I have a union rep. I could file a grievance (loading me up with work and then putting me on performance management) I just don’t know if its worth the stress when the inevitable outcome is I’m left pregnant without a job.

I should add that early pregnancy makes me depressed, as well as sick, which I’m getting help for.

Sorry for the rant, love you guys.

OP, I’m sorry to read this.
why is it that so many companies seem set on retrenching employment practices back to the 1970s? Similar things happening at my work place - “part timers” (still working on average of 35hrs a week!) being told they aren’t eligible for developmental opportunities and advancement etc. only people getting promoted are those able to put in 70+ hour weeks without OT pay.
ridiculous

my advice is take what you’re owed (mat leave pay)
And then career change- specifically I think this so a great scheme to consider:
https://womenreturners.com/opportunities/the-st-jamess-place-academy-career-change-programme/

can earn a lot once qualified (6figures) almost fully WFH, you choose hours to suit yourself largely

i haven’t done this myself but I do often think about it…

I know there are people who will say dh needs to step up and take days off when dc is sick etc but he is the breadwinner and is going for promotions etc

Sorry, but this is laugh out loud. I have worked for the world's most competitive companies and am currently a senior civil servant with a small team. I have a wide network of friends in their 30 - 60s who work in similar roles. Without fail, none of them would think badly of a professional man or woman who took the leave he is entitled to in order to look after sick children or attend sports days or whatever. On the contrary: it is expected that successful people are successful in all aspects of their lives. Meeting and prioritising family commitments is expected.

Either you're looking for excuses or your DH is telling you fibs in order to avoid his basic responsibilities.

Sorry, I just read the full thread (sorry, forgive me) and I see that your current schedule is CRAZY, with multiple cities and evening work and here-there-everywhere. I humbly apologise... You're incredible! You're pregnant. No wonder you're exhausted. I take it back, I don't think you're looking for excuses. I think you're looking for a proper rest. You're allowed a rest. You NEED a rest.

I claim TOIL for any significant travel out of hours, but not all (it’s a senior role and there is an expectation that you do what is needed to get the job done so it’s excessive at times. I’m working on that.)

DH is home based but also travels for work - much less frequently than me. We’re never working away at the same time. DD started high school in September. We do a lift share for the morning school run with friends and more often than not DH does the afternoon pick up (in better weather DD walks home) because 3pm seems to be the favourite time to hold meetings in my place.

I wouldn’t recommend it for work-life balance - as I say, something I’m changing slowly. Just showing that the options aren’t “super rural” and “London”.

Is your profession represented in any public sector roles? The arms reach body I work for has solicitors, journalists, accountants, comms/marketing, IT, estates managers, facilities managers, team managers, project managers, asset managers, programme managers, as well as staff in the more "front line" roles.