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Original poster

Work drinks - really don’t want to go!

52 replies

Janese2 · 02/03/2023 21:16

Small team 5 people. Honestly I am ok with most/ really dislike 1, but we barely have anything in common!! Two young boys who are into rap and their music, one girl in early 20s all about animals and boss in his 50s and me single mum in 30s. I am supposed to go Saturday for drinks, but I think im gonna make excuse of childcare. I feel stupid, but when thinking about this gives me so much anxiety (i barely have anything to talk about with them when working together, but I can at least look busy working ). Or should I suck it up and go for an hour / two?! I’m so worried and anxious…

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 02/03/2023 21:18

It’s not in work hours so you can chose whether to go or not. I’d be tempted to go and take your kids with you.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2023 21:19

I don’t do work drinks- barely have tIme to see my actual friends. Make an excuse!

vodkaredbullgirl · 02/03/2023 21:19

Don't go

TheFlis12345 · 02/03/2023 21:20

For the love of god don’t take your kids that’s a terrible idea and would reflect badly on you. Just say sorry, one of the kids is ill so you can’t make it.

Original poster
Janese2 · 02/03/2023 21:21

Of course I’m not taking my kids to bar….

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/03/2023 21:22

You can choose not to go.

Just a quick check that you don't avoid other social stuff because you feel anxious...

Charliescat · 02/03/2023 21:23

Don’t go I mistakenly went to my first works night out after work since Covid last week and I regretted every awkward dull mind numbing moment of it . Life’s too short !

NurseCranesRolodex · 02/03/2023 21:24

Janese2 · 02/03/2023 21:16

Small team 5 people. Honestly I am ok with most/ really dislike 1, but we barely have anything in common!! Two young boys who are into rap and their music, one girl in early 20s all about animals and boss in his 50s and me single mum in 30s. I am supposed to go Saturday for drinks, but I think im gonna make excuse of childcare. I feel stupid, but when thinking about this gives me so much anxiety (i barely have anything to talk about with them when working together, but I can at least look busy working ). Or should I suck it up and go for an hour / two?! I’m so worried and anxious…

Don't do this to yourself. Just breezily say you're not able to make it anymore, next time.

Campervangirl · 02/03/2023 21:29

Same, I'm supposed to be going to a "team social" after work tomorrow, there's one every 4 weeks, I've not been to one yet, I just say I'm busy.
Couldn't think of anything worse and I like my team, don't want to socialise with them though.
Make an excuse

Greenfairydust · 02/03/2023 21:30

I never go to work drinks, meals, parties or whatever.

These people are colleagues, not friends and I don't see any reason to spend weekends/evenings with them.

No need to worry yourself about this. Just mention you have other plans and that you hope they have fun.

didloswaggings · 02/03/2023 21:33

Janese2 · 02/03/2023 21:16

Small team 5 people. Honestly I am ok with most/ really dislike 1, but we barely have anything in common!! Two young boys who are into rap and their music, one girl in early 20s all about animals and boss in his 50s and me single mum in 30s. I am supposed to go Saturday for drinks, but I think im gonna make excuse of childcare. I feel stupid, but when thinking about this gives me so much anxiety (i barely have anything to talk about with them when working together, but I can at least look busy working ). Or should I suck it up and go for an hour / two?! I’m so worried and anxious…

I've been in this position, really didn't want to go but ended up going, I had a nice time but did leave early with the excuse I needed to get back to my kids as my sister couldn't look after them for much longer.

RampantIvy · 02/03/2023 21:34

In your shoes I wouldn't go @Janese2.

I never go to work drinks, meals, parties or whatever. These people are colleagues, not friends and I don't see any reason to spend weekends/evenings with them.

However, I have become friends with my workmates so I will happily socialise with them outside of work. I don't hold the view common on mumsnet that you shouldn't become friends with the people you work with. In fact some of us are going to the hen do and wedding of an ex workmate soon.

Blackbirdblue30 · 02/03/2023 21:36

Go for two drinks and say you have to get back at a certain time. Should be easy enough to make an excuse as you have kids. I hate work socialising but go for a short while about every third one just to keep my head in.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/03/2023 21:38

I have never, will never, socialise with colleagues outside of work. Just say you can't make it.

TwoMonthsOff · 02/03/2023 21:41

Yes no obligations at all, say you can’t make it, then your relaxing evening doing what you want to do on your time off will seem even better than usual, never mix work and downtime ever, make that a life rule you will be much happier

Original poster
Janese2 · 02/03/2023 21:44

Thank you everyone! I’m not going I’ll say I have no childcare! It would be a different story if I liked my colleagues, but as I struggle to find things to talk about with them at work … I think it would just give me anxiety months afterwards knowing 100% I’ll be just sitting there fake laughing pretending that I understand what they are talking about (that what happens at meeting at work).

OP posts:
User135644 · 02/03/2023 21:47

3 options with these things:

Just say you can't make it (nobody else's business), show your face and then make your excuses to leave, or you actually do enjoy yourself and stay out.

maddiemookins16mum · 02/03/2023 22:03

I must be weird because I’m very fond of most of my work colleagues (we spend 8 hours a day together so over time we do eventually have things in common) - I love nothing better than a night out with them (and I’m the oldest at 58 with the youngest only 22).

Original poster
Janese2 · 02/03/2023 22:17

@maddiemookins16mum I’ve been working at that place the longest and made some great friends over the years I still see some for coffee and I used to happily go, but this current group is just not my cup of tea …

OP posts:
FiddleLeaf · 02/03/2023 22:21

Oh hell no. Life is too short to sit through this stuff. Enjoy your free evening!

museumum · 02/03/2023 22:34

I honestly don’t understand why you’d be so anxious. Either go for an hour, make polite chit chat, for the sake of the relationships, or don’t go. But no need for anxiety.

museumum · 02/03/2023 22:35

With such a disparate group though I’d suggest to the boss a work lunch would be more suitable thank drinks.

Hillrunning · 02/03/2023 22:46

Who is instigated the night out? If yhe younger ones, then don't worry. They won't care that you are not there. If the boss, then I would go for two drinks but not make a habbit of it if there are future events.

Snoreboar · 03/03/2023 06:02

Janese2 · 02/03/2023 21:16

Small team 5 people. Honestly I am ok with most/ really dislike 1, but we barely have anything in common!! Two young boys who are into rap and their music, one girl in early 20s all about animals and boss in his 50s and me single mum in 30s. I am supposed to go Saturday for drinks, but I think im gonna make excuse of childcare. I feel stupid, but when thinking about this gives me so much anxiety (i barely have anything to talk about with them when working together, but I can at least look busy working ). Or should I suck it up and go for an hour / two?! I’m so worried and anxious…

The point of the work socials is to see past the prejudices you have - and you have several, you might be surprised by other people's interests and you might learn to understand them a bit more and it might improve your working relationship with them.

Polarbearyfairy · 03/03/2023 06:28

I hate work drinks and avoid like the plague.

Re making excuses though. There is a great YouTube video about the life changing magic of not giving a F that has a piece of great advice. Rather than saying yes and making an excuse afterwards, it's better to say up front that you can't go - last minute excuses annoy people but saying no at the time of the invitation don't. Great video, link below.