Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Work drinks - really don’t want to go!

52 replies

Janese2 · 02/03/2023 21:16

Small team 5 people. Honestly I am ok with most/ really dislike 1, but we barely have anything in common!! Two young boys who are into rap and their music, one girl in early 20s all about animals and boss in his 50s and me single mum in 30s. I am supposed to go Saturday for drinks, but I think im gonna make excuse of childcare. I feel stupid, but when thinking about this gives me so much anxiety (i barely have anything to talk about with them when working together, but I can at least look busy working ). Or should I suck it up and go for an hour / two?! I’m so worried and anxious…

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 03/03/2023 09:08

It's such a shame that so many people dislike their work colleagues.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/03/2023 15:55

RampantIvy · 03/03/2023 09:08

It's such a shame that so many people dislike their work colleagues.

dont dislike mine- if I did I doubt if work with them for year on year. But time is precious, why spend even more time together.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/03/2023 16:08

RampantIvy · 03/03/2023 09:08

It's such a shame that so many people dislike their work colleagues.

Usually there's a very good reason for that.

Brefugee · 03/03/2023 16:12

Don't make an excuse or else people will try to give you solutions.

Just say "sorry, can't make it, have fun and tell me about it on Monday in the coffee break" or something.
And leave it at that.

HerRoyalNotness · 03/03/2023 16:13

Snoreboar · 03/03/2023 06:02

The point of the work socials is to see past the prejudices you have - and you have several, you might be surprised by other people's interests and you might learn to understand them a bit more and it might improve your working relationship with them.

Show quote history

Yes this!

i do some volunteering and have judged people one dimensionally. As I’ve started to get to know them I’ve found they have lots of varied interests and are far more interesting than me! It takes time but is worth it to know the whole person.

Topseyt123 · 03/03/2023 16:15

The "no babysitter" or "no childcare" excuses were an absolute boon for me and came to the rescue a fair number of times when I didn't want to go to something. I loved them.

In my case they were often true too, but I would have used them anyway.

WeCome1 · 03/03/2023 16:16

Polarbearyfairy · 03/03/2023 06:28

I hate work drinks and avoid like the plague.

Re making excuses though. There is a great YouTube video about the life changing magic of not giving a F that has a piece of great advice. Rather than saying yes and making an excuse afterwards, it's better to say up front that you can't go - last minute excuses annoy people but saying no at the time of the invitation don't. Great video, link below.

The danger with that is that the event then gets rearranged.

Topseyt123 · 03/03/2023 16:17

RampantIvy · 03/03/2023 09:08

It's such a shame that so many people dislike their work colleagues.

I didn't dislike most of them. I am just not a very sociable person most of the time.

Brefugee · 03/03/2023 16:29

The danger with that is that the event then gets rearranged.

and you keep saying "no, thank you"

I have met some of my very best friends through work, Some I've known and see regularly even after 30 years. And sometimes it's fun to spend an evening with people you don't know well - although the danger is that you may then end up talking about work. At which point i usually bow out.

But finding out that Steve from accounts supports the same footy team as you (or a rival) or that Sally from logistics is really into Death Metal even though she looks like a kindergarten teacher, can be really good fun. Even if you never ever do it again.

whattodo1975 · 03/03/2023 16:33

TheFlis12345 · 02/03/2023 21:20

For the love of god don’t take your kids that’s a terrible idea and would reflect badly on you. Just say sorry, one of the kids is ill so you can’t make it.

ha ha i dont think that was ever in the OP's thinking. Maybe take the kids, might liven things up.

You obviously don't have to go, but i'm assuming you don't get much chance for nights outs, so maybe give it a whirl, might be fun, might be terrible. Worse case you make your excuses and leave after a couple of hours.

Arapawa · 03/03/2023 16:36

You don't have to give an excuse, just say you're not available. No use being miserable about it - don't go.

Deathbyfluffy · 03/03/2023 16:37

Mum2jenny · 02/03/2023 21:18

It’s not in work hours so you can chose whether to go or not. I’d be tempted to go and take your kids with you.

Why ruin it for everyone else?
If she doesn’t want to go then fair enough, but I couldn’t think of anything worse than going out for drinks and someone bringing their kids

bonzaitree · 03/03/2023 16:38

They might have suggested drinks because they know the team doesn’t gel and they’re maybe trying some bonding?

Doesn’t mean you should go, just offering a different perspective.

TheFlis12345 · 03/03/2023 16:38

whattodo1975 · 03/03/2023 16:33

ha ha i dont think that was ever in the OP's thinking. Maybe take the kids, might liven things up.

You obviously don't have to go, but i'm assuming you don't get much chance for nights outs, so maybe give it a whirl, might be fun, might be terrible. Worse case you make your excuses and leave after a couple of hours.

Show quote history

Ha, no, but it was one of the first pieces of advice posted so I just wanted to make clear it was not to be listened to!

SideshowAuntSallly · 03/03/2023 18:37

I really like my colleagues, yes I don't have a lot in common with some of them but hell talk about baking/cooking/TV something innocuous and you get a conversation going.

I'm lucky that I get on exceptionally well with my boss though so he always drags me along to social activities/drinks at work to keep him company and as I tend to organise the social activities I have to go so we do what the boss and I want.

I've been part of a team where we didn't get on or socialise and it was horrible and depressing.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 03/03/2023 18:54

I really like my colleagues but there is absolutely NO WAY I would go out with them on a Saturday night.

I quite happily go to weeknight stuff like leaving drinks, or will get lunch with them if we're in the office together, and I happily go to the Christmas party, but Saturday? No thanks.

Yonks · 03/03/2023 19:38

I used to turn up to work ‘do’s but thankfully they don’t bother anymore. I’d not go now, too much hassle.

Polis · 03/03/2023 19:42

These people are colleagues, not friends and I don't see any reason to spend weekends/evenings with them.

They can be both. I’m friendly enough with my colleagues to socialise with them out of office hours and invite them to my wedding.

MadMadMadamMim · 03/03/2023 19:46

I came on to link to the Sarah Knight Ted Talk. For goodness sake, watch it!

I like my colleagues. I would still happily say "No thanks. Not my thing. Have a good time, guys" and I would not lose a minute's sleep over it.

As a single mum, needing a babysitter, thinking about having to spend time and money on an evening out I am dreading? Not a cat in hell's chance would I go.

RampantIvy · 03/03/2023 20:09

@Polis some mumsnetters think you should never make friends with people you work with.

Our best man was a workmate of DH's and so is DD's godfather. I still meet up with friends I made through work over 30 years ago.

Polis · 03/03/2023 21:46

@RampantIvy

I actually married one of my colleagues. Heaven forbid!

Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 03/03/2023 22:33

I had this dilemma today op. I'm quite skilled socially and can 'play the part' in work hours but by the end of the day I'm exhausted and just need my own time, and I miss my dh terribly during the day 😫 I just said sorry but I'm tired and I want to go home.

The older people get, the more understanding they seem to be of these things, I actually reckon most people only go because they think it looks bad not to. Who really fancies making small talk with colleagues on a Friday night?

Aquamarine1029 · 03/03/2023 22:57

RampantIvy · 03/03/2023 09:08

It's such a shame that so many people dislike their work colleagues.

You don't have to dislike them to not want to socialise with them. 🙄

Even though I like most of them well enough, my colleagues are not my friends. I do not want my colleagues knowing me beyond a professional level. I spend enough of my bloody time with them as it is, I certainly don't want to spend my precious personal time with them.

blebbleb · 04/03/2023 02:27

Glad you decided not to go. My work would usually do drinks on a weekday evening. Seems weird to expect you to give up your weekend.

RampantIvy · 04/03/2023 07:37

We don't really do work drinks as we are all so scattered. Most of us live over 20 miles away from our workplace, and there isn't really anywhere that's easily accessed by all of us public transport-wise.