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Original poster

Work social evenings

28 replies

Pedoff · 22/02/2023 20:47

Just wanted views on this. If you had a fairly senior manager who repeatedly left a few people out of what is obviously a work get together, is there anything you can do officially? It has become quite embarrassing.

OP posts:
Seaglass87 · 22/02/2023 20:53

I don't think there's anything officially you can do other than maybe talk to the manager about how it makes other people may feel....not at all easy though I know.

Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 20:54

Can you definitely demonstrate people were omitted? What’s the tone of the invite sent?
HR I suppose if they will be supportive
What are hoping to achieve by escalating this? Are you presenting it as bullying?Cliquey?
What do you want to happen

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 21:02

It's just a bit weird in all honesty. And unnecessary. It comes across as a bit of an abuse of power. Could you prove it, yes. It causes a bad atmosphere when we are desperate to retain staff.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 21:04

It is bullying to exclude from a work event, if you’re up for it complain to HR
What if they respond it’s a social gathering of friends who happen to be colleagues

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 21:08

It's my thinking that it's bullying. It's unlikely that could be argued Zone with the numbers and the range of people.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 21:13

I agree, but what to do
Will it be raised as a group or you individually
Are you big company or a family set up

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 21:21

Big. Yes what to do. Possibly joint. Just seems so pathetic. Person has been directly asked about it several times but continues to do it. I guess HR is the way. Thank you.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 21:24

Ok, but make sure it’s a group and you’re not the sole complainant. Compose a group email everyone electronically signs.
out of interest who is uninvited? Do they exclude women or other protected groups

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 21:33

Thanks Zone, that's good afvice. No, similar people. That's what's so odd. They seem perfectly nice, good at their jobs. Just find it embarrassing. Any comments about it are brushed off as an oversight. But it keeps happening and it's clearly upsetting them.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 21:36

Just make sure you’re not isolated in being only complainant, it has potential for others being all emboldened but expect you to raise it

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 21:38

Thank you. That's a really good point.

OP posts:
yeetingbird · 22/02/2023 21:39

Are they inviting 5 people out of 10?

Or more like 19 out of 20?

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 21:40

16 out of 20

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 21:41

Are you a participant or an excluded colleague

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 21:42

Invited but didn't attend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 21:45

It doesn't sit comfortably with me.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 21:47

Why do you think the 4 are excluded?
is it a cliquey gaff or a team in a bigger company

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 22:00

It's a largish team. I think the manager prefers the company of some rather than others, and surrounds herself with "supporters". But those left out are not offensive in any way that I can see. I'm fairly new there.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 22:02

Are you under a probationary period?
who raisep potential of complaining, will The excluded group support you

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 22:13

No, but complaining could affect future career. I think they are all upset about it. But wouldn't take the risk of complaining about it maybe? Will test the water with one of them I think.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 22:15

Leave it well be. You’re not compelled to help someone else explore their exclusion
If the excluded are upset then they should complain

MichelleScarn · 22/02/2023 22:20

What's being organised? Actual social work functions or let's go to the pub after work?

silverclock222 · 22/02/2023 22:55

If its in their own time and not paid by employer then its not a works social?

Original poster
Pedoff · 22/02/2023 23:06

It's like, let's celebrate either winning that contract or somebody's birthday. Invites are by work email a couple of weeks ahead. But not paid for by work. Take your point Zone. Not my battle. I feel involved by not saying anything.

OP posts:
thymee · 23/02/2023 16:20

Work socials are a tricky line to walk, especially when you're the manager. My DH is a manger and regularly goes out to dinner with 3 or 4 colleagues who are more like friends. I don't see anything wrong with that, although there may be a few people in his office who would be upset if they knew they were excluded. It's his own time to do with as he pleases.

I can understand only wanting to invite people you like and get on with to drinks/ dinner after work.

But if you're doing it through work email, which is actually a work/ team-based event, and it's something the whole office are talking about, and you invited everyone except one or two people, then yes that seems a bit off.