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Original poster

What is your biggest challenge as a working mum?

73 replies

thecheekybunsmum · 17/02/2023 13:02

Hello fellow working mothers! I'm interested to find out more about how everyone copes with being a parent/having a family AND working full time. What is the biggest problem or thing you struggle with whether it be 'mum guilt' or the inability to keep up with chores or helping kids with their homework or something else?

Personally there are times where I feel like I'm about to drop some of the plates I'm spinning, and at times I do drop them and feel like something's got to give... So would be interested in hearing what this is for you all...

OP posts:
Original poster
thecheekybunsmum · 17/02/2023 13:03

As a follow on maybe... what do you wish you had to help with everything you have to manage? Or what do you wish you knew sooner that has helped you?

OP posts:
turnthebiglightoff · 17/02/2023 13:04

I WFH, and do Ful time hours compressed Mon-Thurs. biggest challenge is keeping on top of housework - I work from 8-6

mauvish · 17/02/2023 13:06

It was childcare. Always childcare, and the stress that went with knowing that if that plate dropped to the floor, everything else followed.

Findyourneutralspace · 17/02/2023 13:07

Housework and looking after myself

turnthebiglightoff · 17/02/2023 13:09

Posted without finishing! I have a cleaner 2 hours a fortnight which really, really helps!! Otherwise, I take short breaks and usually cook dinner in my lunch time.

desperadodogface · 17/02/2023 13:22

Just feeling like I'm crap at everything because I can't give anything 100%. I work as hard as I can but distracted by the kids, am snappy with the kids because I'm tired from work, can't be bothered to make any effort with my appearance and my house is never 100% clean and tidy. Accepting that doing my best is good enough doesn't feel good enough

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 17/02/2023 13:25

mauvish · 17/02/2023 13:06

It was childcare. Always childcare, and the stress that went with knowing that if that plate dropped to the floor, everything else followed.

Absolutely this. Mostly school holiday childcare.

When the dc were younger than about 9 or 10, they'd go to holiday clubs. Absolutely point blank won't anymore (dd, 11) or too old (ds14), but there is no way I am leaving them at home together for 9 hours!

CaramelMach · 17/02/2023 13:30

Article research!

MintJulia · 17/02/2023 13:30

I agree with @desperadodogface I'm a full time working single mum with one ds, 14.

My issue is guilt at not being able to take time off to spend with DS over half terms.

I wfh 4 days a week, but in a whole week I've taken ds out for tapas one evening. Other than that, I've either been flat out or too tired. DS doesn't seem to mind, but I do. 🙁

Fellsbluemist · 17/02/2023 13:33

Do you have a 5pm deadline?

MiddleParking · 17/02/2023 13:36

The washing, and feeling way older than my same-age colleagues Grin

user1471523870 · 17/02/2023 13:40

Working mum in full time demanding job (leadership) with preschooler child in nursery full time since after returning from maternity leave. No family support other than my partner, who is the father and also works full time in demanding job.
I have this constant feeling I am not good enough as a mum, partner, worker. I have next to zero time for myself, unless I sacrifice work, time with my child, time with my other half or literally basic needs as sleeping or eating.
I am fortunate enough to afford help with housework and we are financially in a good position. But the balance between all the elements of my life make any unplanned task a real challenge. Child unwell? I can push work but I end up with a massive sense of guilt and had to work twice as hard/long to recuperate.
Basically, I am always stressed.

shushymcshush · 17/02/2023 13:41

Mum guilt - not being able to be off every school holiday
Never managing to be quite on top of all cleaning/houseworky stuff/garden
Having to go part time to find time to do above
Being too knackered to exercise etc
Dealing with school admin/info overload on Class Dojo 😆

Laurdo · 17/02/2023 13:46

I WFH, Mon - Fri 9-5ish. Sometimes start earlier and finish earlier etc. For me this works great. I stick a washing on, empty/fill the dishwasher, quick tidy upwhile kids are eating breakfast. Hang up washing either at lunchtime or DH does it when he comes home from work.

The hardest part for me is not being able to give them the attention I would like when they come home from school. Home at 3ish and I don't finish until 5. I usually make a quick dinner, some pasta etc about 3.30 and work on as they eat it. Sadly the tv babysits until DH comes home about 4.30. Sometimes I'll leave out some arts abs crafts stuff. I work at the dining room table and it's open plan with the livingroom. So I'm essentially in the same room but not interacting which makes me feel guilty sometimes.

Aphrathestorm · 17/02/2023 13:51

The biggest challenge is that fathers dont ask these questions.

MintJulia · 17/02/2023 13:55

To answer the second part of the question, OP, I need to pay off the remaining £25k on my mortgage, replace the last two windows on my house, and then I'm going to join the great retire. I'll be 60 later this year and I've had enough.

I'll take a month or two off and then find something part time.

@Fellsbluemist if that was for me, 5.30pm stop time.

Mumof1andacat · 17/02/2023 13:56

Not being off every school holiday. Leaving earlier to get ds to breakfast club as opposed to nearer a school drop off time. Quite lucky to live, work and have school all within a short distance though. No wfh option for me so ds tends to be in afterschool club too. Even if the option was there, childcare has to be provided when working from home. No option to have him with me when I work. Employer has stipulated this. He'll be started year 7 next year so dynamic will change again.

Camillialane · 17/02/2023 13:56

My colleagues' attitudes.

CMOTDibbler · 17/02/2023 14:01

For us as a family, childcare. Especially school holiday childcare. But also sick child days. But mostly the awful lot of school holidays when there isn't holiday club or it is only 9-3

Sere345 · 17/02/2023 14:01

I am a primary teacher. Mine is the guilt of sometimes not being able to talk to my DC’s, at the end of a day, when I have spent so much time talking with and listening to all of the children in my class.

Desperation point is where I am wishing that it is bedtime for my DC’s - when in fact it is only 18.00!

chopc · 17/02/2023 14:06

My eldest at Uni so have just my 17 year old and 14 year old at home. Biggest challenge for me is getting food out for when they get home as I would finish work around 1730.

If they have a snack dinner will prob get spoilt so I would rather they have a proper meal.

We do try to plan in advance and make something thing pasta based or rice based so they just need to warm it up

I have a housekeeper for 3 hrs 3 days a week and DH does his part when he is at home

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 17/02/2023 14:06

I've just gone back full time after maternity leave and am already struggling. I have a just turned 1yr and an almost 3yr old.

If I worked permanently from home I'd find it much easier but there's a lot of travelling involved as well as office days. Next week it's my DD 3rd birthday and I'll miss it as I have 3 long days travelling up and down the country. I missed her first 2 birthdays too so feel shit about missing this one as well.

I can't keep on top of the cleaning but we can't afford a cleaner. Trying to renovate the house and can afford neither the time or money to do so. My DP works 2, sometimes 3 jobs too.

The kids are in nursery 2 days a week but since they started we've had calls every single time to collect them with varying degrees of what appear to be made up ailments. The kids have no signs of being ill so it feels like they're taking the piss with what we're paying out.

I've no idea how we can make this work for us long term as it's already a struggle and I've been back only a couple of weeks.

I feel like the kids aren't getting what they need from me. I barely sleep so I'm snappy with the kids and don't have the energy to play much with them either.

Completely agree with what @desperadodogface said. I feel the same way.
I have no time for myself or my relationship and feel like I'm always 'on duty' for something.

I can't even begin to imagine how we'll cope with all the school related activities when they start.

redferrari · 17/02/2023 14:07

Managing holidays. Used to use holiday clubs but they have reduced in number near me and harder for 9-10 age group to get full day activities.
Although I wfh I don't get quality time with my child as I would like. I work 9-6 pm and they just manage themselves with tv or iPad. Rarely have play dates when one of us are off as most parents work. I am also an expat so use bulk of my holidays to visit my country.

MissWings · 17/02/2023 14:09

When they got to an age whereby they didn’t want to be in the after school clubs OR the holiday clubs. Year 6 for example. Then in year 7 when you leave them alone and they can end up lonely. I was lonely at that age when my mum worked every day for long hours and my dad was also out of the house. I found it all easier when they were proper smalls.

Moonlightsonatas · 17/02/2023 14:09

CaramelMach · 17/02/2023 13:30

Article research!

Hello Fellow Mums, I need to smash out 1000 words on this by Monday.