What is your biggest challenge as a working mum?

[thecheekybunsmum]

Hello fellow working mothers! I'm interested to find out more about how everyone copes with being a parent/having a family AND working full time. What is the biggest problem or thing you struggle with whether it be 'mum guilt' or the inability to keep up with chores or helping kids with their homework or something else?

Personally there are times where I feel like I'm about to drop some of the plates I'm spinning, and at times I do drop them and feel like something's got to give... So would be interested in hearing what this is for you all...

School holiday childcare (lone parent, no family)

Even with a cleaner every week my house looks like I’m a month into a losing game of Jumanji

I did 6000 words in January and I’m still not over it.

Biggest challenge is I was a stay at home mum for four years and worked very part time after that, gradually increasing to fill time ten years later.

I was very fortunate that I could do this and I know that, however I feel I have fully stitched myself up in doing so now that I'm the one who knows about everything to do with school, my son etc as now we need to share everything and my husband is not used to it, not particularly willing, and needs everything explaining and I cannot be bothered.

I feel I stumbled into this situation by accident and we both had good intentions at the time I stayed home but now ...it feels a very difficult pattern to change.

Childcare.

Both length of hours it's open. So no leeway for commute delays or meetings running past 5pm.

And the sick days! This winter has been brutal, I've had at least on child of sick at some point in every week since November.

Child/childcare sickness. I have 5 kids, 2 of which are preschoolers, someone is always ill.

Paid dependents leave when children or childcarers are sick would make a huge difference. In 25yrs of working only one employer has offered paid time off for dependents (3 days)

And I can't keep up with the house or any other life admin but that's nothing new.

Cooking. I’m a single parent and have Dd 50% of the time. I’m at work til 5pm every day and work is full on. The last thing I want to do is start cooking when I finish. The slow cooker has been helpful, and I try to cook on most days DD is here. When I’m alone I rarely eat properly.

Meals I never cook my family a decent meal. It's always rushed hardly ever together and isnt nutritious cooked from scratch. Its straight from the freezer in the oven. It makes me feel shit. Yes I could get up an hour or two.earlier everyday and prepare or put something in the slow cooker but that would mean a 5am get up and I just cant do it.

I suppose finding content for my articles can be difficult.

What's your biggest challenge OP?

Trying to balance writing an article while wfh while the DC are on half term and you haven't bothered with childcare?

To give you the benefit of the doubt, the biggest challenge is whether you prioritise your children or your career. Because there aren't enough hours in the day to prioritise both, so you end up having to aim for "good enough" on both fronts, or cutting corners in the other.

School acting like it’s the 1950s and scheduling things last minute. I can do anything if there’s a bit of notice, but not three different afternoons next week because they forgot to add it to the newsletter. And then the kids are disappointed… You can’t win. It’s really disappointing actually in terms of home-school relationship building. Most parents work at our school but the school doesn’t give a shit, seemingly.

No! For this article deadline!

I have next to zero time for myself, unless I sacrifice work, time with my child, time with my other half or literally basic needs as sleeping or eating.

This ^^^

For me it has to be the school holidays. I work school hours so around after school but it's the mum guilt of not being able to have as much time with DC in the school hols. Difficult.

Hi, Journo. It's childcare. Please write an article (in a major mainstream publication, not a shitty blog) about how fucked childcare is in this country. It's a hot topic so you'll get clicks and maybe we'll get heard so it's win-win 👍

Thanks all for sharing. If I’m honest I struggle with a lot of what you all mentioned. I have 4 kids - all primary age and for me I think it is just energy overall… which then impacts everything: whether or noting clean up int hé evening so I can start the following day properly, helping the kids get all their clothes ready the day before, etc… but I end up just not wanting to do anything by the time the kids go to bed because I feel exhausted. So overall I just don’t have the mental energy to execute on any schedule I manage to put together to try and combat this.

the biggest thing for me though is making sure the kids feel like they get the attention they need and that they feel looked after and they enjoy living in their home even though it isn’t as tidy and clean as I want it to be 😞 there are also so many things I’d like to do with them that I don’t because I’m too tired.

I look at my sister in law and she really is a machine. Her home is always tidy, she does activities with her girls (also 4, all primary age), hardly ever puts the tv on for them and she does say that it is tough, but she actually manages to get everything done…

someone please tell me it gets easier?? Although I’m expecting not easier, just different challenges when they all get to teenage years?

Not having enough hours in the day to spend with my DC is my biggest challenge.

I have a senior level job, and I have a Nanny Housekeeper to do school runs for my DC and sort out everything else house-wise.

I spend 1 hour with my DC in the morning, and 2 hours in the evening. Nanny spends about the same amount of time with them.

It would be great to work less hours (or nearer home as my job is over an hour's commute each way), but as I'm a single parent it's just me providing for my household.

This is really interesting to read. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I remember someone giving me advice to book my midwife appointments in the middle of the day. That way, there would be no point on going in before, but also not coming in after to work, so really you get a day off 🤯 I honestly had no idea that there were people out there who think like this. I’d usually book my appointments as early or late as I could so I could at least still put a good days work in!

when I went back pregnant with my second baby, I had 100 days and I intended to make them count. Whereas there may have been others who coasted waiting to go off.

what I’m trying to say is that there are both sides to the coin. And I’ve met the other side too. And it’s frustrating, but even more important to hire good people, and manage them well to make sure they know what is expected of them. Be flexible as much as you can as an employer, but not to the extent that it is having the effect on the rest of the team to feel resentment. That doesn’t help anyone and unlltomately will make someone good like you, consider leaving.

have you raised this with your /her manager?

I agree, I know its not all Mum's but I do think there needs to be a little bit of acknowledgement that when mum's take time off for Christmas Parties, sport days, school events etc etc etc, then there are other people who are not Mum's who are endlessly having to cover for these things. Some Mum's don't expect a never ending amount of time off for childcare / not being organised but the ones who do generally can only manage being a "Wonder Mum" because their co-workers are left doing everything at work while they fuss over their children. I just think that all the extra work that non parents do to support women at work needs to be recognised as well. This along with doing everything at home, I don't have a husband helping, or children who can do their bit with the household jobs. I do everything by myself, so it is adding to the stress when I have to do extra to help out the Mum's in the office as well.

Why don't full time working dads ever get asked this question? I have a partner who takes responsibility for at least 50% of everything and don't feel most of the stress listed here. I'd hazard most of the mums posting here are expected to take on way more than 50% of the responsibility for kids, house and family admin.

This is how I feel all the time.

@Tracy1994 Why can't you just leave and be a mum... just leave your jobs.
Have a little think about what the answer to that question might be, Trace.

@thecheekybunsmum did the article get published in the end?

School holidays
Especially the phase where the dc are too
old to want to go to holiday clubs, but too young to leave at home for long.

THIS. FFS.

I’m lucky enough to WHF but we also have no family support nearby.

My biggest struggle is keeping up with errands and housework.

Nursery fees are emptying my bank account and before this we had 2 crap childminders. God knows what we’ll do during school holidays.