Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Stepping back in my career

28 replies

worble · 04/02/2023 10:18

I have climbed extremely quickly up the career ladder and love my job - leading a team, and responsible for a department. But, I'm finding that with preschool DCs I just don't have the mental capacity and energy for it because I'm tired. I feel I can't give my best to neither my family nor my job, and I want to be more mentally present with my children - not just sit with them totally shattered.

I have the opportunity to move into a no. 2 role in another company. I will be working with a manager I know prioritises work life balance in his team. It would be the best for family life but I feel unsure and also sad to give up the autonomy and leadership I have in my role, and the level I am currently working at. I also worry it may backfire in the long term when I do want to be at the level I'm now at. But there's also potential progression opportunity in the future for me to be no. 1.

Has anyone done this before? Any advice anyone has?

I would be taking a lower salary but that is not an issue for me right now. The alternative is to stay in my current job which I absolutely love but is draining me. If I didn't have children it would be a no brainier, I would stay in my current job.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 10:20

Are you a single parent? If not what does your partner think?

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 10:20

Personally, i have ZERO regrets making more time for my children and less focus on my career. And not just for pre school. Throughout and now they’re in their early teens and I continue to have zero intention of ever going full time

Original poster
worble · 04/02/2023 10:42

No not a single parent. DH does his fair share given his disability. He has reduced hours at work and does lots in the house and with the children. He's also made a conscious decision not to look for Progression given the impact it could have on the family and also managing his disability.

I have also reduced hours but I find with the level of responsibility I have I can't switch off mentally, and don't want to either as I enjoy it, but family life drains me for work, and work drains me for family life. I hope that makes sense.

OP posts:
Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 10:43

What does your husband think of your dilemma?

Tangerinie · 04/02/2023 10:46

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 10:20

Personally, i have ZERO regrets making more time for my children and less focus on my career. And not just for pre school. Throughout and now they’re in their early teens and I continue to have zero intention of ever going full time

I genuinely love this level of confidence in this decision! It's so rare on here. I'm always wringing my bloody hands about whether I'm working enough when really, I'd love to just be around for my children as much as possible.

Agree it matters what your partner thinks. Will he/she have to work more etc?

Original poster
worble · 04/02/2023 11:24

My husband is very happy for me to take a step back in my career so that I am less mentally exhausted. He would also support me taking a few years out and not working so that I can have a break. We live frugal lives and financially we can afford me doing a lower level job. I already reduced hours because I couldn't manage working full time. I don't see myself working full time for the next 10 years either. It's mentally managing the level of work vs home responsibilities that I find tough, but at the same time I don't want to lose what I have at work. I have no idea whether taking a step back in my career now will hinder me from progressing in the future.

OP posts:
Tangerinie · 04/02/2023 11:53

It will always impact your career in some way if you step back in your career. But it's deciding if it's worth it.

I'm always thinking the same things btw! Thought I'd cracked it by working in a school as thought I could train as a teacher and make a living at least, but I wasn't enjoying my work and I wasn't looking forward to the holidays off at the expense of never being able to take a holiday in term time.

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 15:20

I have no idea whether taking a step back in my career now will hinder me from progressing in the future.

nope, you don’t OP

but you do know that by taking a step back, it will lighten the load on you in work and most importantly family terms - and that is one heck of a positive in my eyes

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 15:21

You i missed… you’re already part time?

ShellsOnTheBeach · 04/02/2023 15:28

Personally I'd try to persevere with your current job if at all possible. Could you delegate more, perhaps? Are there people in your team without domestic responsibilities who are eager to progress - could you mentor them and get them to take on some of the stuff that you find draining?

Original poster
worble · 04/02/2023 18:33

Yes already working part time. It's not the hours that are a problem really, it's being the person that's responsible, in my "down time" thinking about work, worrying about things as ultimately I am responsible, worrying about upcoming difficult conversations that I have to have, needing to jump onto calls sometimes on my days off as the CEO genuinely and sometimes not genuinely needs something urgently etc.

I can't delegate any more. My team is working silly hours and I have already delegated as much as is reasonable.

I feel like I will have the mental capacity and resilience for it in 5 years when sleepless nights are over and hopefully DC are a bit more independent but will anyone give me the chance to step back up when they see on my CV that I stepped down?

OP posts:
Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 18:46

What is your current part time hours?

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 18:47

That you are actually contracted to?

would new job also be same hours?

bookish83 · 04/02/2023 18:52

OP I'm having the same thoughts.

Its a horrible mental battle to have. Just don't feel like I do well in my job or m family and the feeling is awful.

I would take the job option. I say that though as someone in a career that hopefully wouldn't miss out in the future

ShellsOnTheBeach · 04/02/2023 19:29

It's really, really tricky.

I did what you are contemplating and my career never recovered.

Although, admittedly, I left it too long to return and I got too comfortable with the easier life. Also, even though I had kept up with the practical side of the job, I was no longer up to date with changing technology and how projects were run. As a result I really struggled when, after a gap of more than 10 years, I did eventually secure another senior position.

I think if you are going to do it, you have to have a definite plan to get back on the horse, and stick to it.

gemloving · 04/02/2023 19:35

I didn't take a step back but made a conscious choice to not progress any further. I was 29 when I had my child, was promoted just before and have had another one since, number 3 on the way. I now work 4 days a week and I wouldn't change it.

Mentally, I cannot go above and beyond and I am content and happy with my decision to still do a good job but that's basically it, the rest of my time and efforts are being poured into my family.

My manager is supportive, knows she can rely on me but also knows my limited.

From reading your post, I don't think you'll regret it taking a step down. It's ok to prioritise family because in the great scheme of things, what do you look back on and remember, that quality time spent with family or that quality time spent at work.

SanRaz1 · 04/02/2023 19:49

Best decision I made. Stepped back from a senior strategic role when I realised I wasn’t superwoman and couldn’t balance work and home life.

kids’ needs were being neglected and I was unhappy. I was on a hamster wheel and needed to get off for my own sanity.

took a massive pay cut but honestly, I was so happy afterwards. I thought I’d begrudge it…I missed the position I had and the team I was in but soon got used to it.

7 years later, kids are older and I’ve began my careful climb up back in my career…going well and feel so much more in control.

girlmumma19 · 04/02/2023 20:25

I didn't step down but I fully left my senior role when I became a parent and I became a SAHM. My senior role was mentally exhausting, I took work home every week and ended up staying way past my hours every night just to get finished. I want to be at home for my babies while they are little and for the foreseeable and if that means once I am ready to go back to my career then I have to work my way back up to the level I was at before then so be it. Imo they are only children for so long, that is where I am needed. I am just so grateful we can financially afford for me to because I know a lot of parents simply cannot.

ViaBlue · 05/02/2023 19:01

I recently moved to public sector....took a big paycut but it's the most chilled, family friendly working environment!

Zigzagga · 05/02/2023 22:58

I am having the exactly dilemma. But I'm only 1 month back from mat leave so holding off making any rash decision!

I was promoted quickly and arguably out of my depth when I first took the role 3ish years ago, it's a v small org. So I am thinking a move to a more junior role in a larger org might be seen as less of a step down and more of a side step - when it comes to career progression / how it looks on the CV.

Is there anyway this move for you could be similar or would it be very clear to any future employer in your sector that it is a step down?

It sounds to me like the perfect opportunity to make the move into this new role, especially as you mentioned there will be the chance for career progression down the line.

I do understand why we stress ourselves out as working mum's worrying about this but I know lots of women and men without kids who have side stepped, stepped down etc for various reasons and haven't worried about it hurting their career - it's just right for them at that moment in time.

Original poster
worble · 05/02/2023 23:13

Thank you everyone, lots of things to think about. The new job gives me opportunities I don't have in my current role so in the future I could explain it as moving to broaden my knowledge and skill set, and moving to a no. 2 position to get this. The potential opportunity for promotion would be a bigger role than I am in currently.

@ShellsOnTheBeach thank you for sharing your experience. Thinking back now, what do you think you should have done differently?

OP posts:
Original poster
worble · 05/02/2023 23:15

@Zigzagga one month after returning from maternity leave I felt so upset, but by about three months in I was glad to be back in my old job - definitely agree about not taking rash decisions!

OP posts:
ShellsOnTheBeach · 06/02/2023 01:29

@worble - it's really difficult to advise you what to do. These decisions are so dependent on individual circumstances. I had three kids, including baby twins, and my husband's career was at a crucial make or break stage. Something had to give. However, I do regret not re-entering the corporate world after 2 or 3 years working partime and freelance.

In your shoes, from what you've said, I'd be inclined to stick with. But try to delegate as much as possible and establish clear boundaries about overtime and picking up the phone/replying to emails when you're off duty. But only you can decide what's best for you and your family.

But also bear in mind that few men wrestle with this kind of dilemma...

HidingFromDD · 06/02/2023 02:40

I stepped down massively for 13 years, did part time (2 days per week) and then went full time but in a much less senior role. Got divorced 2 years later and really focussed on my career. 14 years ago I was on £32k full time. I’m now on £100k+ in a very senior role. It can be done. One thing I would say though is that my pension is crap due to the part time years so keep that in mind

Zigzagga · 06/02/2023 07:23

From your latest update @worble I would absolutely go for this job and try and reframe it a bit as less of a stepping back and more of a strategic move with long term benefits for your career (as well as the immediate short term benefit to your mental load!)

Good luck, let us know what you decide!