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Original poster

Do I hand my notice in at work tomorrow!?

48 replies

Sallierosie · 29/12/2022 21:04

I am really struggling after returning to work after maternity.. my little boy is 15 mo the old…

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or for anyone feeling the same or just a good kick up the backside but I am really struggling with returning to work after having my baby.

I currently work as a nurse part time.. I only work three days a week and my son is in nursery for all of these days.. around 60% of my salary goes on his nursery fees, unfortunately as I started a new job I do not get any sick pay for the first 12 months… I have had so many days off ‘parental leave’ to look after my little boy who seems to have picked up every bug going recently and none of them are paid so it’s almost not worth my while working at this point.

I feel guilty sending my son to nursery to just get ill all the time, and I am working a job for barely any money at this point.

I am miserable, he is miserable and my husband is miserable! we are not miserable people I promise! is this just a phase, does it get better!?

all my instincts are telling me to stay with my little boy.. give up my job. do I just need to get through this winter and it will get better? Sorry such a long post just feeling the lowest I have ever felt in my life!

OP posts:
ReturnfromtheStars · 29/12/2022 21:09

Hey so sorry you're feeling low! A lot depends on personal circumstances.

Could you easily get back to work after a career break? (I had a 4 year break with my kids and got back to a new career after).

Would you be able to afford life?

Are you a real team with your husband and would you be ok losing some pension? (Consider paying NI contributions while you're having a career break)

Could you do something very part time (bank work maybe) to keep your CV going?

Hope it works out either way!

nobodygirl2023 · 29/12/2022 21:11

I get it and also really struggle with leaving my little one, the constant bugs, juggling drop offs & picks ups etc. It feels neverending and more stress than its worth.

However, I have a good/secure job that I know I'd regret leaving further down line when things are easier (ie. When we get funded childcare, once she's in school etc). I'd say being a nurse is a profession and may not be easy to jump back into further down line, but maybe I'm wrong on that?!

Could you cut your hours down further just to keep a foot in the door and future proof things for yourself a bit?

FrownedUpon · 29/12/2022 21:12

Think about your financial future & not just short term. Your pension is important to consider.

DistrictCommissioner · 29/12/2022 21:13

Can you go bank & do a few weekend shifts each month to keep your hand in etc?

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 29/12/2022 21:13

Why are you the one taking all the sick days? Your husband needs to be taken 50% of the burden, and why is it only your salary paying for childcare?

nobodygirl2023 · 29/12/2022 21:14

Also is there any option for your DP to cut his hours instead so that he could cover one of the days - save on nursery fees and cut down how often he's in childcare?

Landlubber2019 · 29/12/2022 21:14

It does get better, is there any reason you are considering giving up work and your husband isn't going part time/ resigning?

Giving up your financial independence is not something you should relinquish easily.

Finally please review the nursery costs as both yours and your husband's responsibility. The nursery expenses are a shared cost and not something you should bear on your own.

It's normal to want to stay at home with a baby, but there is a good reason that mums maintain their careers and your nursing should be cherished and can offer great opportunities for the future.

Original poster
Sallierosie · 29/12/2022 21:20

@ReturnfromtheStars thankyou for your reply <3 bank work is deff an option I have the form ready to fill out!

all the financial burden is on my husband for morgage bills food everything.. I geuss my money pays for the day to day life and the (small) luxuries.. I think we are a team but maybe that’s a strange way to do finances..I geuss if I didn’t work it would put my husband under much more pressure something I would not want to do!

OP posts:
Aidagreenwhistle · 29/12/2022 21:20

No way would I give up my career. If you divorce or your husband gets sick/dies how will you provide for your child?

Why can’t your husband do half the sick days. I earn more than my husband and we split the sick days or arrange round who has least inconvenience on the day. Often the better paid job/more senior role finds it easier to take time out.

OnceAgainWithFeeling · 29/12/2022 21:23

Sick pay isn’t to cover the sickness of other people.

Are you NHS? You absolutely do get sick pay in the first year if so.

Judgyjudgy · 29/12/2022 21:24

If you don't have to work, then leave. No reason for everyone to be miserable!

Original poster
Sallierosie · 29/12/2022 21:24

@nobodygirl2023 thankyou for your reply.. it’s good to hear it gets better and that you felt you have a job worth holding onto! I know it will get better it feels like just as it’s starting too we are knocked down with another bug!

roll on the funded childcare.. I guess I really need to focus on the long term and just get through this awful patch!

OP posts:
Startwithamimosa · 29/12/2022 21:25

Aidagreenwhistle · 29/12/2022 21:20

No way would I give up my career. If you divorce or your husband gets sick/dies how will you provide for your child?

Why can’t your husband do half the sick days. I earn more than my husband and we split the sick days or arrange round who has least inconvenience on the day. Often the better paid job/more senior role finds it easier to take time out.

Very dramatic! Hardly giving up your career. Even if you take a year off, or more you'll easily get another job. Nurses are always in demand everywhere

Original poster
Sallierosie · 29/12/2022 21:26

@OnceAgainWithFeeling no sadly a practice nurse.. gp surgery’s funded differently and have own terms.. I really enjoy my job though and having worked nhs jobs before I found very stressful and made myself unwell! Maybe I just don’t cope with life very well or at least being a nurse!

OP posts:
2chocolateoranges · 29/12/2022 21:27

You definitely need to think of now but also the future, can you live off of one wage and how easy would it be to get back into your career?

FanSpamTastic · 29/12/2022 21:29

It does get better - can you reduce your days maybe down to 2? I used to find with first dd that she was in 2 days, picked up whatever bug was going round, then was sick for a couple of days then better by the time the next week came round! I only worked 2 days a week at that stage. Make them consecutive days. You don't earn much in this phase - but you keep things ticking over so that you can pick your career up again when kids are settled into school.

Are you likely to have another? If so I would stay working - take a second maternity - and try and time it so you would be around when dc1 starts school.

TroublesomeLuck · 29/12/2022 21:30

That first year when you go back to work is just the pits and yes indeed it seems like it's barely worth it.... I know it feels like it's "your" money paying for childcare but it isn't really, and long term it's the job security (and I think the fact you are working is such a good role model for your children).
The babies catching every bug in sight is also horrendous... again that definitely gets better, and if you didn't go through it now you'd go through it when they were older and started school.
Easy for me to say now but I'd say stick with it, things really will improve

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 29/12/2022 21:30

Can your husband not help with some of your son's sick days? It shouldn't all fall in you when if he's the main earner.

For what it's worth though it does get better, he'll get sick less and settle in nursery.

kerosene20 · 29/12/2022 21:31

Are you using tax free childcare OP? That may make it more affordable.

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 29/12/2022 21:32

Sorry, that bit was meant to say it shouldn't all fall on you even if he's the main earner. Auto correct...

mobear · 29/12/2022 21:32

My DS started nursery at 1. To start he picked up every bug going and it was enormously stressful, but he’s now 2 and is rarely ill, and he loves nursery, he loves the friends and the staff and skips on his way in every morning. I’m so glad we persevered. I’m sure things will get better.

Original poster
Sallierosie · 29/12/2022 21:35

@Landlubber2019 thank you for replying..

my husbands job pays for most of our life mortgage bills etc.. when I first went back to work he did take time off instead of me he part owns a business so him not being there means loosing money anyway.

so my job pays for nursery and any extras in life.. clothes, luxuries etc as well as petrol to and from work.. maybe our finances are strange I have always had my own money job etc and getting married didn’t change that but I don’t contribute to the big things like the mortgage. And I totally agree giving up financial independence would not be easy but maybe I’m not as financially independent as I thought anyway!

OP posts:
Jeelypieces20storeys · 29/12/2022 21:35

I would do it. They are small for such a short space of time and luckily with nursing you have the option of bank to 'keep your hand in'. I took a 2 year career break when mine were very tiny and appreciated every minute of it. (also appreciated I was lucky to be able to do it, tho we did go without holidays, etc)

acronsew · 29/12/2022 21:36

Remember that for most parents the year their child goes to nursery for the first time is when everyone gets sick the most. Get through this year and it gets easier, I promise.

If the job is otherwise good, stick with it.

BeautifulWar · 29/12/2022 21:38

It's a horrendous time when your little one starts nursery or school - it it's a yearish (sorry) of constant illness and feeling like you're forever failing either your child or your job. It does get better, but IMO pulling out now would just be kicking the can down the road. It happens at whatever age your child is when they start a nursery/school environment.