Do I hand my notice in at work tomorrow!?

[Sallierosie]

I am really struggling after returning to work after maternity.. my little boy is 15 mo the old…

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or for anyone feeling the same or just a good kick up the backside but I am really struggling with returning to work after having my baby.

I currently work as a nurse part time.. I only work three days a week and my son is in nursery for all of these days.. around 60% of my salary goes on his nursery fees, unfortunately as I started a new job I do not get any sick pay for the first 12 months… I have had so many days off ‘parental leave’ to look after my little boy who seems to have picked up every bug going recently and none of them are paid so it’s almost not worth my while working at this point.

I feel guilty sending my son to nursery to just get ill all the time, and I am working a job for barely any money at this point.

I am miserable, he is miserable and my husband is miserable! we are not miserable people I promise! is this just a phase, does it get better!?

all my instincts are telling me to stay with my little boy.. give up my job. do I just need to get through this winter and it will get better? Sorry such a long post just feeling the lowest I have ever felt in my life!

I would definitely do it even for a short time while he is so little. I returned to nursing part time after my DD was born, and I have always regretted it. I wish I had just worked bank nightshifts now and then. They really are little for such a short time. My DD is now 9 and I still feel that made a mistake going back.

I’d leave work until your baby is a little older and your childcare fees are reduced. With a role like yours, you can easily step straight back in when you are ready. If 60% of your wage is going on child care that would deter me immediately.

Wow thank you what amazing positive responses! To hear that people have been through the same and it gets better gives me hope and that maybe we just need to get through this horrible winter of bugs and things will feel a bit brighter!

I'm a nurse went back to work and due to childcare issues, ended up taking a year off and it was well worth it.
Now many years later I work in a nursing home, only two days a week, no nights. I tried going back to NHS wards after being abroad a doing the equivalent of district nursing for many years. But couldn't take the hospital culture.
Nursing home bank is also a good option if you don't like ward work. We have one bank nurse who does one night a week for us, we've had others who have done two nights each month when their Dh was home with kids overnight. One who did a day a week or less when she had someone who could watch her dogs.

The temptation to give it up and just be with my little boy is still there, maybe I will look at reducing my hours and I’m deff going to fill out an application for the bank!

Yes. We went through this, exactly as you describe and it was awful - DD's nursery had this recurring stomach bug and she just kept getting sick, my work thought I was making it up as she was sick so many times. I nearly did give up but 7 years down the line I'm happy to report it gets so much better and I promise if you hang in there, you will get through this. I've never regretted continuing to work and I'm so glad I didn't give up in those difficult early years. Don't give up, hang in there, it really will get better!

@MrsCarson thankyou that’s so helpful, my mum suggested nursing home and I always felt like they got a bad reputation but perhaps I should look into it!

Don’t give up nursing! If you don’t meet your revalidation requirements it’s return to practise course which is not easy! Do bank as a minimum.

You need to think about pension as well.

There are lots of options within nursing, I did nights when my dses were little. Avoided all childcare costs. It was brutal, DH and I hardly saw each other for a year or 2 but it did get easier and I’m still nursing a lot of years later. I also valued my modicum of financial independence. I suppose I wasn’t financially independent at the time but maintaining my registration meant I could be if needed and I am the higher earner now.

Why are people saying you'd be "giving up" your career?? That's ridiculous! Be with your baby, and return to Nursing when you feel ready.

Do what feels right OP. The only thing I regret about giving up working is that if I hadn't, I would be earning a really good salary now, so if you love nursing at least keep your finger I'm somehow.

Join an agency. Or NHSP. And pick up shifts as and when. Also means you keep your registration.

You get the ill year whenever the child leaves home and spends more time outside the home, you can get it over with now or postpone it until later. I suppose if you leave it until you get funded hours you aren't paying for his barely used nursery place but either way I'd get it over with before they start school.
The bank nurse option sounds good.

Yes I know the illnesses will come whatever and my LO has been in hospital a couple of times with breathing issues following various illnesses.. I think it adds to my anxiety sending him into nursery when he’s still so little, I know I can’t protect him from the world forever but omg I wish I could!

Could you cut it down to two days (perhaps two longer days)? That way as soon as you've had enough of the week, it's nearly over!

Would a child minder be more cost effective? You can use your free hours with registered ones when you get them. Fewer kids and generally a bit more flexible than nursery with runny noses and teething etc .

I think many people feel this way at this stage. The plus side of working is that you appreciate your time with you little one more. Being at home 24/7 can get lonely, especially in winter.

Childcare should be out of family finances ... not yours alone.. you have already taken a hit by being female, being married, having been pregnant, taking maternity leave... your long term earnings and earning potential are less than your husband's.... there is no need to make that worse.

On a separate note: having a nanny can make a HUGE difference.. flexibility... baby doesn't need to leave the house so much easier for you to get to work, lower risk of illness and nanny will look after him when he is ill. Plenty of social opportunites and normal life for your baby. Yes.. it is more expensive but the difference in your quality of life can be enormous!

a nanny sounds dreamy and actually maybe a lot of it doesn’t come down to money at all but just how we are functioning as a family at the moment (not very well) my job is hanging on by a thread, my marriage is at breaking point, my husband has said he never wants another child which is heart breaking to me.. I think a nanny might be a stretch for us though sadly
It’s Just not clear to me yet if staying at home makes it all better or not!

Yawn.

She didn’t say she was the only one taking sick days.

She didn’t say he doesn’t do his share.

She didn’t say it was only her salary paying for childcare - just highlighting how little of it is left for them as a family once childcare is paid.

I would have a chat with the practice manager and explain that you are struggling. Do they use agency/bank staff? Could you work for them on a bank basis?

If you found the ward setting too stressful a few years ago I'd have a serious think about going bank in hospital now. Its often 1 or 2 nurses to 30 patients all acutely unwell and you really need to be able to hit the ground running. My friend who worked community nursing said she felt it took a good year before she settled into the hospital setting..its an entirely different side of nursing.

Have you looked into any agencies? I'm guild (Thornbury in England) and you can do NHS, nursing homes, private hospitals or some private shifts of people who employ a private nurse. You just need 450 hours in your 3 years to revalidate.

Another idea is I do 2 shifts a week (one NHS contracted, one agency whenever I want) nightshifts and split them. I am exhausted all the damn time but I never need childcare.

Currently writing this (from an obviously Q word) nightshift as a fellow nurse who also has a 16 month old. It's been hard being back at work! But also now we've started to settle into a routine DC is having less nursery illness than she was having, it's starting to feel loads better. Like I'm enjoying having some of myself back as a nurse rather than being mum 100% of the time. I know that's not a popular mumsnet opinion, but I'm enjoying some independence.
Also, in terms of revalidation and return to practice, stepping back into nursing isn't always that easy depending on how long you take out and when your revalidation is due.
I'd be tempted to stick it out for a little bit longer and once the nursery bugs settle it might be easier all round? Nursery is really good for socialising them and my DC has come on loads since starting in August just before she was 1

@Mseddy my experience seems to have been the opposite where it started really well with no illness and I was enjoying being back at work and some independence from being a mum again.. then winter came 😂i geuss there is not a straight forward answer and seems like overall sticking it out is probably the best thing to do!

@Beseen22 i agree and don’t know if I could go back to hospital again I’m so out of practice but district nursing is an option for me but again comes with significant stresses of its own!

im wondering if nursing is even the right career for me anyway it’s so stressful and less and less rewarding these days and obviously terrible pay! Is it all worth it!? Not that I have other career options.

@Sallierosie

I remember going back to an awful job when my first child (now 7) was a year old - my childcare fees were more than half my money, my boss was awful and I felt so sad missing my baby but then I got the chance of redundancy when I was pregnant again I bit their hands off it was such a huge relief
Money was very tight but my happiness was more important and I had a year and a half off then got a new job it was much better

We managed me not working for that long but couldn't have done it long term.

Childcare in this country is the reason so many people don't work but although I loved my time off I think it's important to also have some independence financially and professionally too but if it's not for you the nursing, resign, take some time out and have a think and something else may come along but do some bank shifts to keep your nursing pin ❤️ you've worked hard for that

I hope whatever you decide works out for you but life is too short to be miserable 😩

I agree. If your gut is telling you to be with your little one the do it. Perhaps you would all be happier and even have another child.

The good thing is that you are in a profession which will always offer you a job and even if you take a few years out you can get back into it and start to progress again.

It does get easier, and once they start nursery they do have quite a while of getting ill, especially over the winter but that will improve. Are you currently getting the 20% tax free childcare?