Taking holiday as a consultant and family arguments

[verystablegenius]

I have a recurring problem that causes endless arguments at home, and keen to get views on how to get better at resolving this problem.

I work as a consultant for an organisation and have done for about 5 years. My DW is a civil servant, and we have two children. It evolved in part as it can be balanced well with childcare and my wife and I have had to relocate twice for her work.

Every holiday, we have the argument about me not being able to switch off. I work for several units in my organisation and in different time zones. Every holiday time, it crops up that something needs doing at work while my wife is switched off for her work.

On one hand, I see this as the flip side of the flexibility that has allowed me to work around childcare, etc. On the other hand, I see how annoying it is.

The root cause, I think, is a fear of saying no to colleagues, in part because of my short term contract and also because it must be in my character. I’ve been doing this for 5 years and I’ve always had good reviews/a full portfolio of work

It also means that I tend to sign up to too many projects because I want to keep working.

How would you recommend I improve the way I manage this? Any advice is welcome

Your wife is being unreasonable. Considering you have had to relocate twice for the sake of the work she wants to do you have done incredibly well to get a position that pays so well and gives you so much time off. I think you need to start making use of your time off, but it’s not fair for your wife to complain about you working when she gets the benefits of your work.

Well no, of course you shouldn't. £100k isn't the sort of mega bucks salary where you are expected to be available 24/7, though it is clearly a very good salary.

So spend some time with your family, and discuss with your dw how you will ensure you prioritise them and what sort of work life balance is going to work for all of you from the new year. And stick to it.

No point bragging that you only work 4 days a week and get 10 weeks annual leave if you work when you're supposed to be off.

Probably covered but if you’ve been there five years, why only short term contracts? Do they just keep renewing at the end?

But headquartered in the US?

Totally understand. I was a consultant/freelance for 16 years and never once was I able to relax. I became employed this year for first time and it’s been like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I actually get time off.

I am sitting here now with a glass of wine and everything organised despite working longer hours than I did as a consultant.

it comes with the territory sadly. if I were you I’d ditch it and become employed next year and enjoy a peaceful life. It really is not worth the stress.

The reason for short term contracts is that permanent positions require you to be in the US.

DH sets his out of office. If it’s busy he will discreetly go and check and deal with the issue if it’s quick. As long as i don’t see it then I’m fine with it.
It’s healthy to have boundaries with work. It’s ok to take leave and not work during the leave

Sorry, I didn’t mean to come across as bragging as I didn’t want to discuss salary and the finer details of my working life

it definitely can be stressful having multiple bosses and reporting arrangements so I hear you

You are still not seeming to understand that as you are in the UK you are covered by UK employment law, where the company is headquartered is irrelevant. So if you have been on contracts there for five years you have all the employment protections of any other permanent employee with two years service.

I really do think you need to better understand your employment situation, your contract, how to book leave, who you report to etc.

Yes it is very odd that after 5 years he seems unaware of the basics

The OP isn't genuinely freelance though. In the eyes of the law in the UK they are a permanent employee with full employment rights. The employer has legal obligations to honour those rights, regardless of where they are headquartered.

I’m not actually in the UK although I am British. I believe my employer, as an international organisation, means there are diplomatic privileges into how I’m employed.

I don’t think you have diplomatic privileges. If you work for an entity like the UN, international rules apply in terms of contracts and if you are an employee, different tax rules apply.

If you are working for the UN New York office, yes you will be expected to deliver through the holiday period. It doesn’t stop. Poor friend had her baby the week before Trump came into town to sneer at Greta and she was back to work for the spectacle then off for 3 months until the next circus act came to town. As a contractor she got zero benefits or empathy. She works elsewhere now. How she was treated didn’t meet the basic standards of decency. She couldn’t just leave because she needed the money.

Honestly, family comes first always. No one cares about your job. At the end of your life, you aren’t going to wish you worked harder. Hopefully you will thank your wife for wanting you to spend time with you family. You need to be able to switch off and your client should understand that. If they don’t, I’d be looking for a different client or take a full time role where your time is respected and valued.

5 years

for 5 years

you have worked here and you are still unclear as to your employment status

very odd

@Ursuladevine Ive explained it in my post. They must work for one of the international organizations such as NATO, UN, IMF, world bank etc. These entities have different rules applied to them because they are global, not local contracts. In other words, ironically they are the shitiest of employers despite telling the world how wonderful they are.

OP, get a job with the civil service. Pension and time off make it quite a nice package.

Yes. You have explained it.

The OP despite being their for 5 years needed an anonymous poster on a parenting chat forum to clarify his employment status for him.

most baffling

Well there we are then.

Have 25th 26th and 27th off. Make sure your phone and email out of offices are clear.

And put your wife first for 3 days

Simple

You're in no different position from any well paid, senior person. It's down to your behaviour here - for Christmas surely you can just need to put an out of office on, mark annual leave on your calendar, and make sure your bosses/internal clients know you're not working. And then don't work for a few days!

No one would think any less of you for taking Christmas off - there's no need to check emails on Boxing Day - what would happen if you didn't? It's you that needs to change your mindset here.

I'm senior and well paid and will be able to take time off this holiday (I'll probably do some work next week). In other holidays/weekends, I will generally do some work and am on call to step in sometimes - it's just expected as part of my job. Even if I'm abroad on holiday I will keep up with my emails. I also had to cancel the first 3 days of my leave this week because of work - again, it's just something I would expect to do. I don't have a partner though, so it's slightly easier.

You’re being weirdly aggressive about this. The reason for not posting all the details in my OP was because my post was not about the fine details of my contract but how to manage my work-life balance. I knew my legal situation and didn’t need anyone to explain it. I stated up thread I worked for the IMF and it’s an odd organisation.

As I have implied, this position isn’t perfect, but it works because of our family’s personal situation (geographic relocation - we’re out of the UK for a few years for my wife’s work - young children), pays quite well, and is interesting. But it has particular challenges that I should manage better.

There is no need for this low level aggression that is shining through. Especially on Christmas Day. Peace and love

To be fair, I’m out of office and won’t pick up an email until the first week of January.

Well if you're not intending to pick up any emails until January, then I'm not sure what the problem is.

Bloomin heck you have thin skin 😂

storm in a teacup strikes me

Happy Christmas!

This ^

No problem, no drama, nothing to see here

To be fair, given the state of the world economy, I’m not surprised you are busy!

I would imagine long hours and the crunch at year end comes with the territory. The Japanese central bank shifting their policy the week before year end was not helpful at all.