Taking holiday as a consultant and family arguments

[verystablegenius]

I have a recurring problem that causes endless arguments at home, and keen to get views on how to get better at resolving this problem.

I work as a consultant for an organisation and have done for about 5 years. My DW is a civil servant, and we have two children. It evolved in part as it can be balanced well with childcare and my wife and I have had to relocate twice for her work.

Every holiday, we have the argument about me not being able to switch off. I work for several units in my organisation and in different time zones. Every holiday time, it crops up that something needs doing at work while my wife is switched off for her work.

On one hand, I see this as the flip side of the flexibility that has allowed me to work around childcare, etc. On the other hand, I see how annoying it is.

The root cause, I think, is a fear of saying no to colleagues, in part because of my short term contract and also because it must be in my character. I’ve been doing this for 5 years and I’ve always had good reviews/a full portfolio of work

It also means that I tend to sign up to too many projects because I want to keep working.

How would you recommend I improve the way I manage this? Any advice is welcome

No the OP is self employed contractor - I assume they have their own company which they are officially an employee of, and they are sub contracted in to the company they are working for. If the OP is being contracted for a set project that then has an end point, it’s fine for them to be then hired onto another project at the same company.

the set up is legal, lots of people do it as it pays at a higher rate, but you have to be brave enough to say no to some work /projects to give yourself time off. ( I guess everyone knows someone who did this and then had 6 months between a contract ending and another one starting and the fear that could happen to you.)

Just to clarify, my job title is “consultant”, yet I am formally a direct employee. It is an odd position.

there’s a lot to consider. Definitely my character which leads me to worry about not working is a factor

What’s your annual income been for 2022?

i feel a little uncomfortable saying, but it’s a reasonable salary that gives us a decent life, together with my wife’s salary

Why feel uncomfortable OP? Loads of high earners on mumsnet and you’ve posted in work!

It’s government sector so not mega bucks but many would be happy with it

Public sector? Well then it’s definitely not going to be the big bucks and definitely not worth killing yourself over and making your family unhappy

If you are a direct employee, then why would your wife have differing expectations to what the organisation requires?

Employees book annual leave, otherwise they are working whatever the agreed hours are.

So If you are contracted to work over Christmas (as an on the books employee) then you either work or book annual leave.

But it’s not really about the money per se for me

Exactly.

For you

but if your wife sees you slogging your guts out and not being present for the family for a job that’s bringing in £40k a year… well, it puts a rather different slant on it if was bringing in £250k. Don’t you think?

you’re right about booking annual leave. what’s hard is I don’t have a formal process for booking annual leave other than telling my multiple bosses. I have four bosses right now with different demands and it’s something I find hard to book and balance. I guess the key is to be firmer with my time

I think we could go off at a tangent but in a week where nurses are striking who work tremendously hard for what they earn. If it’s worth saying, I get just over 100k for working 4 days a week with 10 weeks off. It’s not that I’m slogging my guts out working 100 hour weeks. The problem is when I’m off, I still respond to stuff, join the occasional meeting

What would happen if you didn’t?

Probably not much. I get good reviews, I seem to be valued. And most things can wait

What the heck does striking nurses have to do with anything? We can talk about work situations without having to bring in those worse off than us surely??

Ok so you work 4 days a week and have 1 weeks holiday

and on the 3 days off you I still respond to stuff, join the occasional meeting

And in well remunerated lower senior management salary.

Seems reasonable and not excessive or unusual at all to “respond to stuff” and join “the occasional meeting”

what is unusual is to have such a lot of holiday and only work 4 days a week.

so… now I know more I think it’s your partner that is expecting more when really it sounds like you have it pretty easy!

10

It’s not that I’m slogging my guts out working 100 hour weeks

understatement by the sounds of it! 😂

So do you actually take 10 weeks off then? Properly off?

10 week plus 3 days a week…. Nice!

i’d say I don’t take the 10 weeks off, I’m quite generous towards my employer with my time. It’s not that I don’t work quite hard. I certainly do more than expected and can put in some quite long days when needed.

Ok this has taken a bit of a turn from your OP the detail has dripped has been outlined.

you have a very cushy number and you’re totally not being unreasonable to dip in during the enormous amount of time to have off.

all the best and enjoy your very very generous time off!

I don’t think I dripfed as the point was always about whether on my holidays I should be working. My salary or how many weeks I’m on leave is not really the point.

It's a real shame that this is at the expense of your wife/family.

I'd feel down at the bottom of my husbands list of priorities if he did this to me. Maybe you need to set yourself some stricter work/life boundaries for 2023, and stick to them.

The results to your marriage may be catastrophic if you don't try and fix this.

Nobody should be working on their annual leave. Ever.