Am I being..bullied?
Windtunnel · 20/12/2022 17:45
Posted about this yesterday but got no replies 😔
In my latest 1-1 LM very calmly told me he hates 1-1s with me and walked out saying there's no way he would be recommending I get through probation. I'd pushed back on a mathematically unfair case load having sucked it up for 6 weeks, saying I was struggling and the numbers didn't stack up. He accused me of not having contacted everyone I was meant to which upset me as its a cancer charity and I would never let clients down.
In my previous 1-1 he said I would be good at handing out leaflets (its a senior ish role) and sent an awful email afterward for which I received an apology from his boss (he'd ccd her in) followed by another one telling to look after myself all in caps which came accross as weird.
In the one before he started crying and said he wanted to stop the 1-1 and was only mollified when I flattered him about how great he was at doing his job. I received another apology from his boss.
Actually his boss had to apologise yet another time due to another weird email saying I wouldn't pass my 3 month probation.
Thigs have broken down and the more sympathetic boss is off which I think is why he's done this latest stunt as he knows I'll be worried all Christmas.
I stay late, am well liked by colleagues, I have been humble and trying to learn but have only received neg feedback and have not felt supported at all.
What do I do?
7Worfs · 20/12/2022 17:50
Do you have HR?
I’d flag a concern for his erratic behaviour which is impacting his line management responsibilities.
I wouldn’t say it’s bullying but it’s definitely terrible line management.
magicscares · 20/12/2022 17:52
Sounds very odd. I guess you need to record it all & report to HR. As his boss has repeatedly apologised I don’t think you can have fond anything wrong.
how is your boss with other people?
Windtunnel · 20/12/2022 17:53
Thank you @7Worfs yes we do have HR but - cliche alert - aren't they meant to be useless for employees, as in theory theory duty is to look after the company not listen toxtell tales?
Windtunnel · 20/12/2022 17:54
as in theory, their duty is not to listen to telltales
CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 20/12/2022 17:57
That really poor and weird line management. He sounds manipulative and a little unhinged.
Don't worry about it over Xmas. Sounds like other boys has the measure of him.
Record everything factually in diary form and request direct meeting with other boys to discuss it.
Windtunnel · 20/12/2022 17:58
@magicscares strangley he has not done any 1-1s or case checking with my colleague who now has 100+ unchecked cases. He doesn't sit near her or speak to her much.
I am worried a won't really have a job to go back to after new year- as probation is mid Jan.
He keeps himself to himself but is friendly to the men.
eurochick · 20/12/2022 17:59
He sounds like he has ishoos and his boss is aware of this.
HR is there to protect the business. If his erratic behaviour is damaging the business they should help.
catfunk · 20/12/2022 17:59
I work in HR op, I strongly suggest you raise an official grievance and request a different line manager. Be clear how it is affecting you. He sounds batshit.
The fact that his Manager has had to apologise for his behaviour and you have a paper trail is excellent.
ACAS have more info on grievance procedure and your company MUST follow it or you could also take them to tribunal.
Windtunnel · 20/12/2022 18:00
@CleopatrasBeautifulNose great name!
Yes I think he hammered off an irate email to her so she will se something is wrong when she's back just after Xmas. I could leave a meeting req in her in box I guess, purely paths don't cross till early Jan.
MintJulia · 20/12/2022 18:00
You aren't a tell tale. By talking to HR, I'd say you are raising concerns about your senior colleague who seems not far off a breakdown or some kind of mental collapse. His previous behaviour all indicates the same and HR should really intervene to see if they can support him.
7Worfs · 20/12/2022 18:01
OP you are right, HR protect the employer, but wording your email as a ‘concern’ and giving evidence (especially big boss apology and acknowledgment you were treated unfairly) should lead HR to the conclusion that he is a liability.
They need to intervene before his behaviour lands them at a tribunal or court.
Windtunnel · 20/12/2022 18:02
@eurochick I fell too wussy doing this alone without protection of his boss who I get on well with and gets it. @catfunk I have been there less than 2 years so don't have many rights it seems. Ironically I work for a charity which advises on such matters.
Windtunnel · 20/12/2022 18:05
@7Worfs he knows i dont have any recourse and just wants me out. I have made some mis-steps which have triggered him, and failed to manage up effectively.
Valhalla17 · 20/12/2022 18:05
HR protect both the employer and the employee. OP this behaviour is concerning and as a HR professional I would be keen to resolve the situation for you snd support you. What your LM is doing is unacceptable. Please speak to your HR team to raise urgently.
Flumpmageddon · 20/12/2022 18:07
Unless your line manager is experiencing some temporary issues that are impacting his behaviour, then I would be looking for a new job. You've got an erratic boss and the one above him is apparently not managing him, but covering for his behaviour.
These kind of work places are just not good for your health.
You're a few weeks into the job and already anxious, imagine working there for a few years.
7Worfs · 20/12/2022 18:08
If you open a grievance they can’t let you go until the case is closed. Just something to keep in mind if it should come to that.
Whataretheodds · 20/12/2022 18:11
Even if your HR dept are only interested in protecting the company, they will be concerned about the risk your LM poses to them.
Make a log of all of the weird behaviour, ask his manager ( the one you get on with) for a meeting and flag your concerns about his erratic behaviour. You can say you'd like to be able to continue working there but there doesn't seem to be a good fit with your LM and might there be an opportunity for you to report to someone else.
Windtunnel · 20/12/2022 18:12
Thank you so much for your replies. I would like to move, I have (been) moved sideways for 2 days a week by nice boss so I don't have to see him as much. I have been getting great feedback from the new office. But I've only been there 5 months so have no rights.
Greenfairydust · 20/12/2022 18:21
OP I would send an email to HR listing all the events that have occurred and what was said to you. Copy this person's line manager in.
State that you really want to make a success of the role and are really committed to passing your probation to helping your clients but that you have grown increasingly concerned about your manager odd behaviour and comments and that you now feel this needs to be flagged up as there is nothing more you can do to manage this yourself.
Unfortunately it sounds like this person is getting away with it because the people above him don't want to address his behaviour. However a formal complaint will at least force them to at least go through the motion.
I am actually not surprised that this is a charity. I have worked in the sector for more than 20 years and there are more than a few incompetent bullies in managerial positions.
I would say that unfortunately you might end up having to find another role but at least try to negotiate a good reference and even a settlement.
Windtunnel · 20/12/2022 20:19
@Greenfairydust thank you. If I flag it won't I lose out somehow?
Sadly the uber management are very heartless, a lovely colleague from another section was welling up (just to me she's v professional) due to an unrelated incident of her own with them.
I just feel I will be taking on a huuuuge network of bigwigs who will close ranks.
My LM is pretty dire, I'd never say this officially but he has wandering eyes according to a colleague (I also had noticed but dismissed it) and visibly clenched when a POC said goodbye to him the other day.
Fairplaymum · 20/12/2022 21:35
It’s a tricky one. I think I would speak to his direct report ( the one that has apologised for his behaviour) and say that you are in a very awkward position and a vulnerable one as you are on probation . He is already aware, as he has apologised on behalf of his manager, that his behaviour in written form at least has been inappropriate and erratic. You could fill him
in on the rest- facts and documented. I would suggest that you request to report directly to him until the matter has been dealt with. It’s irrelevant as to whether you are on probation or not- there has to some sort of dignity at work policy- commitment to protect you in your position.
Windtunnel · 21/12/2022 17:46
Thanks @Fairplaymum .
I will message mu nice other manager tomorrow- she's off now and I'm off next week - asking her if she wants to give me a ring next week.
Conspiracy theory time, I looked at a few of my cases on our software to see why they're not showing as me having worked on them, and they've been downgraded in such a way which wouldn't show. Weird. Luckily I upgraded them.
Fairplaymum · 21/12/2022 23:54
Hi. Just be careful to stick to facts and concrete examples etc.. Be careful of any wild accusations. I’m not saying you are imagining them at all but when subjected to the mind games/ power play etc.. and erratic behaviour like you seem to have gotten, there is a risk of looking paranoid and going off on tangents that make you and your case sound a bit scatty. Be careful how you use language describe what’s happening and your current report. Maybe practice and write out your thoughts first/ edit and try stick to script as much as possible- easy to get emotional too if feeling vulnerable and unfortunately as a woman it dies you no favours then making a case- just the way the world works unfortunately. Good luck 👍
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