Am I being..bullied?

[Windtunnel]

Posted about this yesterday but got no replies 😔
In my latest 1-1 LM very calmly told me he hates 1-1s with me and walked out saying there's no way he would be recommending I get through probation. I'd pushed back on a mathematically unfair case load having sucked it up for 6 weeks, saying I was struggling and the numbers didn't stack up. He accused me of not having contacted everyone I was meant to which upset me as its a cancer charity and I would never let clients down.

In my previous 1-1 he said I would be good at handing out leaflets (its a senior ish role) and sent an awful email afterward for which I received an apology from his boss (he'd ccd her in) followed by another one telling to look after myself all in caps which came accross as weird.

In the one before he started crying and said he wanted to stop the 1-1 and was only mollified when I flattered him about how great he was at doing his job. I received another apology from his boss.
Actually his boss had to apologise yet another time due to another weird email saying I wouldn't pass my 3 month probation.
Thigs have broken down and the more sympathetic boss is off which I think is why he's done this latest stunt as he knows I'll be worried all Christmas.
I stay late, am well liked by colleagues, I have been humble and trying to learn but have only received neg feedback and have not felt supported at all.
What do I do?

[rwalker]

1-1 are for a two way discussion . He may well have perfectly good reasons for failing your probation. But there’s nothing wrong with asking what they are .
if your confident you’ve contacted all the cases your supposed to and he says you haven’t ask him to evidence this
very strange for his manager to message you if she has an issue with the way he’s done your 1-1 she should go to him not undermine him and message you

challenge anything you think is wrong. Should all be documented

[Quveas]

If one of your reports is acting inappropriately, you do not ignore it and apologise to the third person. That's the worst form of management. He may be in the wrong, but you don't undermine them by apologising on their behalf. They aren't changing his behaviour, they are approving it.

Get another job ASAP. This is a toxic environment that will never nurture you

[Windtunnel]

Thanks @Fairplaymum I have sent a brief email to nice boss asking her to ring me when she's back. Agree all she needs to know is what happened and how it made me feel.
I am a lowly case worker returning to work after kids, I need to remember to stay in my lane.
Thanks everyone for replying. We'll see what happens

[Fairplaymum]

Basically you are trying to show that you are the professional and capable one that they are lucky to have and should sail past privation. You know how to behave and he doesn’t !

[Fairplaymum]

Hi. Just be careful to stick to facts and concrete examples etc.. Be careful of any wild accusations. I’m not saying you are imagining them at all but when subjected to the mind games/ power play etc.. and erratic behaviour like you seem to have gotten, there is a risk of looking paranoid and going off on tangents that make you and your case sound a bit scatty. Be careful how you use language describe what’s happening and your current report. Maybe practice and write out your thoughts first/ edit and try stick to script as much as possible- easy to get emotional too if feeling vulnerable and unfortunately as a woman it dies you no favours then making a case- just the way the world works unfortunately. Good luck 👍

[Windtunnel]

Thanks @Fairplaymum .
I will message mu nice other manager tomorrow- she's off now and I'm off next week - asking her if she wants to give me a ring next week.

Conspiracy theory time, I looked at a few of my cases on our software to see why they're not showing as me having worked on them, and they've been downgraded in such a way which wouldn't show. Weird. Luckily I upgraded them.

[Fairplaymum]

It’s a tricky one. I think I would speak to his direct report ( the one that has apologised for his behaviour) and say that you are in a very awkward position and a vulnerable one as you are on probation . He is already aware, as he has apologised on behalf of his manager, that his behaviour in written form at least has been inappropriate and erratic. You could fill him
in on the rest- facts and documented. I would suggest that you request to report directly to him until the matter has been dealt with. It’s irrelevant as to whether you are on probation or not- there has to some sort of dignity at work policy- commitment to protect you in your position.

[Windtunnel]

@Greenfairydust thank you. If I flag it won't I lose out somehow?
Sadly the uber management are very heartless, a lovely colleague from another section was welling up (just to me she's v professional) due to an unrelated incident of her own with them.
I just feel I will be taking on a huuuuge network of bigwigs who will close ranks.
My LM is pretty dire, I'd never say this officially but he has wandering eyes according to a colleague (I also had noticed but dismissed it) and visibly clenched when a POC said goodbye to him the other day.

[Greenfairydust]

OP I would send an email to HR listing all the events that have occurred and what was said to you. Copy this person's line manager in.

State that you really want to make a success of the role and are really committed to passing your probation to helping your clients but that you have grown increasingly concerned about your manager odd behaviour and comments and that you now feel this needs to be flagged up as there is nothing more you can do to manage this yourself.

Unfortunately it sounds like this person is getting away with it because the people above him don't want to address his behaviour. However a formal complaint will at least force them to at least go through the motion.

I am actually not surprised that this is a charity. I have worked in the sector for more than 20 years and there are more than a few incompetent bullies in managerial positions.

I would say that unfortunately you might end up having to find another role but at least try to negotiate a good reference and even a settlement.

[Windtunnel]

Thank you so much for your replies. I would like to move, I have (been) moved sideways for 2 days a week by nice boss so I don't have to see him as much. I have been getting great feedback from the new office. But I've only been there 5 months so have no rights.

[Whataretheodds]

Even if your HR dept are only interested in protecting the company, they will be concerned about the risk your LM poses to them.

Make a log of all of the weird behaviour, ask his manager ( the one you get on with) for a meeting and flag your concerns about his erratic behaviour. You can say you'd like to be able to continue working there but there doesn't seem to be a good fit with your LM and might there be an opportunity for you to report to someone else.

[Oblomov22]

Yes. Report to HR.

[7Worfs]

If you open a grievance they can’t let you go until the case is closed. Just something to keep in mind if it should come to that.

[Flumpmageddon]

Unless your line manager is experiencing some temporary issues that are impacting his behaviour, then I would be looking for a new job. You've got an erratic boss and the one above him is apparently not managing him, but covering for his behaviour.
These kind of work places are just not good for your health.
You're a few weeks into the job and already anxious, imagine working there for a few years.

[Valhalla17]

and*

[Valhalla17]

HR protect both the employer and the employee. OP this behaviour is concerning and as a HR professional I would be keen to resolve the situation for you snd support you. What your LM is doing is unacceptable. Please speak to your HR team to raise urgently.

[Windtunnel]

@7Worfs he knows i dont have any recourse and just wants me out. I have made some mis-steps which have triggered him, and failed to manage up effectively.

[Windtunnel]

@eurochick I fell too wussy doing this alone without protection of his boss who I get on well with and gets it. @catfunk I have been there less than 2 years so don't have many rights it seems. Ironically I work for a charity which advises on such matters.

[7Worfs]

OP you are right, HR protect the employer, but wording your email as a ‘concern’ and giving evidence (especially big boss apology and acknowledgment you were treated unfairly) should lead HR to the conclusion that he is a liability.
They need to intervene before his behaviour lands them at a tribunal or court.

[MintJulia]

You aren't a tell tale. By talking to HR, I'd say you are raising concerns about your senior colleague who seems not far off a breakdown or some kind of mental collapse. His previous behaviour all indicates the same and HR should really intervene to see if they can support him.

[Windtunnel]

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose great name!
Yes I think he hammered off an irate email to her so she will se something is wrong when she's back just after Xmas. I could leave a meeting req in her in box I guess, purely paths don't cross till early Jan.

[catfunk]

I work in HR op, I strongly suggest you raise an official grievance and request a different line manager. Be clear how it is affecting you. He sounds batshit.

The fact that his Manager has had to apologise for his behaviour and you have a paper trail is excellent.

ACAS have more info on grievance procedure and your company MUST follow it or you could also take them to tribunal.

[eurochick]

He sounds like he has ishoos and his boss is aware of this.

HR is there to protect the business. If his erratic behaviour is damaging the business they should help.

[Windtunnel]

@magicscares strangley he has not done any 1-1s or case checking with my colleague who now has 100+ unchecked cases. He doesn't sit near her or speak to her much.
I am worried a won't really have a job to go back to after new year- as probation is mid Jan.
He keeps himself to himself but is friendly to the men.

[CleopatrasBeautifulNose]

That really poor and weird line management. He sounds manipulative and a little unhinged.
Don't worry about it over Xmas. Sounds like other boys has the measure of him.
Record everything factually in diary form and request direct meeting with other boys to discuss it.