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Original poster

Going back full time - am I the devil?!

40 replies

bbpants · 01/02/2008 16:39

Hi - I'm planning to go back to work full time when my daughter turns 1. I've been getting really negative comments from other mums about this - am I REALLY that bad a mother to be considering going back full time?

OP posts:

cmotdibbler · 01/02/2008 20:15

I went back full time when DS was 4.5 months, so that must make me a real devil !
I love my job, theres no way I could be part time, and even if I did it would be way more hassle than being full time. No way DH wanted to be a ft/pt SAHD either, so DS goes to nursery ft. And he adores it.

If its what is right for you, and for your family, then everyone else can get knotted imo.

pinkteddy · 01/02/2008 20:22

have you been working part time up to now or have you had a year off? If the latter I think you might find it hard to jump straight back into full time working.

alfiesbabe · 01/02/2008 20:30

No, you're not. Lots of parents are in full time work by the time their child is one, if not before. Would you be asking the question if you were the dad? Well there's your answer!

rantinghousewife · 01/02/2008 20:32

Noo, I went back to work full time when ds was 5 months, he's turned out fine. (Haven't gone back with dd but, that doesn't mean that I don't think it is the right thing for other mothers to do).
If you're happier going back to work full time then do it.

DiamandaGalas · 01/02/2008 20:38

Nah, you are not!
Mind you is going to be a shocker going full time, is that 5 days?

imo, the best compromise is part-time- 3 or 4 days.

rantinghousewife · 01/02/2008 20:44

But it's doable, you just have to be organised that's all, the first couple of months is tiring (and a bit tough). But there's no reason why you can't make it work and once you get past the first couple of months and you're in a routine, it will be fine.

ViolentFemme · 01/02/2008 20:49

No you are not the devil. I've been back 4 weeks and am loving it. DS loves his childminder too. It can be a win-win situation you know.

dalek · 01/02/2008 20:54

Slightly off on a tangent here but I would say go for it. I gave up work when DD was 2.5 (had worked part time since she was 6 months before that but couldn't really do the job satisfactorily pt) and now she is 7. Trying to get back to work but can't find anything part time and term time to fit around school and holidays. It may have been the best thing for the family for me to be a SAHM but personally it might turn out to be the worst thing I ever did - I have no career - a DH who works long hours so often spend evenings on my own. I do have a nice life and I am probably just feeling sorry for myself but I am on my own with DD at the moment as H is out with work colleagues and actually I just want to cry - I feel worthless and unvalued and lonely.

Sorry for the hijack

ViolentFemme · 01/02/2008 21:00

Aww Dalek. Don't want to give inane platitudes but

Being a mum is a career. I couldn't do it full time, so I took what I saw as the easy way out and went back to work. But I LOVE the time I have with my ds more than ever. Och i'm no good at this but it's a damn hard decision to stay at home and a damn hard decision to return to work.

llareggub · 01/02/2008 21:01

I went back full time but broke myself in gently by doing 14 hours initially, then building up to full time over 4 or 5 months or so. I now work compressed hours, so do 4 long days instead of 5 and work from when possible.

It works well for us. I get a surprising amount of time with my DS.

rantinghousewife · 01/02/2008 21:02

Am in the same position myself dalek, have passed a telephone interview (and got to go for a proper interview) all for a job that pays nearly half of what I earned in my first year at work.
Think whatever you do there's a trade off.

sprogger · 03/02/2008 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

bbpants · 07/02/2008 11:32

Thank you all for your comments - I note especially the comments about it taking a couple of months for the new routines to settle in. It will be a shock from being at home for a year to going straight in at the deep end of full time.

Dalek - that wasn't off on a tangent at all - it's partly one of my reasons for returning. I also have a husband that works long hours and loneliness is the one thing I'm more scared of than anything and would be a very slippery slope for me. I do hope you find what you're looking for soon.

OP posts:

madamblackberry · 07/02/2008 12:10

bbpants.no you are not. I wnet back when dd was 9 weeks and 6 days old and DS 17 weeks old and its very tiring etc but fine. My MIL was horrified and has held me up to the family as a wicked person and physcolgically damaging my chidren!!

Unlike my sister in law who does sweet FA.....has 2 full time live in staff ( they are expat lifing at the mo ) and is permanetly on Proxac becuase she is bored out of her tiny mind! She on the other hand according to my MIL is a real mummy.Tosh.......

Go for it and good luck!

rookiemater · 07/02/2008 15:02

I work 4 days a week and was dreading it, but you know what its not that bad ( am currently home because CM is ill). I would say though be very strict about working the hours you are paid to do, if you are strictly 9-5 then its all right, but if you find you are doing longer hours then its hard going home to a grumbly infant and only seeing them when they are tired in the morning and at night.

Oh and fab fringe benefits include wearing semi decent clothes and make up, because there is a point in getting dressed up, getting to drink your coffee whilst its still warm and closing the door when going to the loo. Don't do what I did and tell your team the last one though, or they will look at you as if you are demented

elkiedee · 09/02/2008 23:06

I'm returning to work full time at the beginning of March when my baby is just 10 months old. I'm sort of hoping to have another though. I can't really afford to do part time and would find compressed hours too tiring. If I do get to have a second I might return part time then for a few months, as then my plan will be to get out of London.

nooka · 09/02/2008 23:17

I went back to work when my ds was six months (I took a month to go from not working to working full time) and then went straight back to work full time when dd was three months. It seems to have worked out fine for us (ds is now 8 and dd 7). I work for the NHS where there are loads of mothers, and going back full time after a year (often with some sort of compressed hours and some flexible working on the dad's side too) is probably the norm. Very few people here go and stay away (the NHS is a pretty good employer on the work/life balance). You may well find more sympathy from work colleagues - it's not an unusual thing to do!

Twinklemegan · 09/02/2008 23:18

Sometimes there's no choice. I'm the sole breadwinner AND my job can't be done part time. Manager wouldn't even contemplate job share, not that I could afford. So no choice. But I agree that other mums can be VERY judgmental.

Twinklemegan · 09/02/2008 23:19

What I have noticed though, in my new job, is how few of the full time female workers actually have children. Loads of dads, hardly any mums.

3andnomore · 09/02/2008 23:31

whilst I am a sahm, I can't wait to start ot go to Uni in September, when my ys starts school...for us, it just didn't make any economic sense or otherwise sense for me to go to work fulltime...
if it had, I may had chosen to about a year or 2 ago...
I think it all depends of how you spend the time with your child...quantity (which I have plenty of) is not always comparable to quality...
it depends of how you feel, or your situation...really...
I must admit, I used to be very negative about fulltime working out of home mums,but have since grown up to the reality, and think there are many ways that can suit different families...

3andnomore · 09/02/2008 23:35

dalek, being a sahm is not worthless...you are doing as much as your dh...but I can sympathise with you feeling left out...it is a different life being a sahm...
and whilst I can see your parttime issue...I think it's not that important that Jobs are Holiday fitting with school hols (unless you work in a school environment it's not going to happen)...I mean, even a part time job is going to leave you with more then you pay out, even if you need to use childcare in Holidays?

Kathrynrt · 10/02/2008 21:37

I often felt guilty that ds was always the first there and last to go home but working full time was our only option. You're not a bad mother at all so don't listen to anyone who would tell you otherwise just because you have to work full time. I figured for us it was far more detrimental to my children if they didn't have a roof over their heads than for me to be at home most of the time.

Quattrocento · 10/02/2008 21:41

Well I did and it's been good on the whole - best thing for me anyway - good luck whatever you decide

whatironing · 12/02/2008 14:43

You get loads of negative comments whatever you decide to do. I am in the process of quitting to be a SAHM and you would have thought I was the antichrist and am putting the female cause back 300 years! Do what is best for you and your family and completely ignore everyone else (unless they agree with you!).

On a practical note, it will be hard at first and you will want to quit - but it will get easier!

pippylongstockings · 12/02/2008 15:07

I went back p/time when my DS1 was 10 months old for 3 months doing 4 days a week, and then back up to full time after that - it was good way to get back into the swing of it. can you do that?
I only work p/t now I have 2DS.

The hardest thing is being organised to all get out of the house on time - well I find it hard. But I agree still enjoy work - eating your own meal whilst reading the paper, mooch around the shops at lunch-time without a buggy, having a laugh that doesn't involve bottom noises.....

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