Going back full time - am I the devil?!

[bbpants]

Hi - I'm planning to go back to work full time when my daughter turns 1. I've been getting really negative comments from other mums about this - am I REALLY that bad a mother to be considering going back full time?

ask the cheeky cows for a whip-round to pay your mortgage so you don't have to consider this truly evil arrangement of going to work full-time.
maybe there'll be enough left over for an exorcism, too.
that'll shut them up.

i went back when my boy was 3 months old - dreadfully hard work and initially we took turns at the weekend to have a lie in for an hour or so - you need the best childcare you can afford - for all your sakes, no plans for the weekend, except looking after your boy, and quick oven cook food during the week - always try to get home for a play and bath/bedtime - otherwise you will start to resent it

You are certainly not a devil - you're just trying to do your best by your kids.

I went back to work full time (8.30 - 5 mon to fri) when DS was about 9.5 months...I'd agree that you may have to give it a couple of months but I think what we have works really well for all of us.

For the first few weeks, I was missing him terribly by the Weds, but that passed as I got back into the swing of work. Doubly emotional as he gave up morning and night bf's the week before, so I felt like perhaps he didn't need me anymore. I've been back about 6 months now and I know now that's not true!

Go for it - wear make up, have adult conversation, be dribble free for a few hours. Survive by cooking in bulk at weekends and ensuring that when you get home at night, you spend all your time focussed on your LO until he goes to bed - then muddle through the rest.

I've also been beating myself up about the housework but I've recently realised that actually, I don't care about the dust, my time with DS is far more important. I'll get to it eventually...

Good luck!

I went back full time when the eldest was 2 weeks old, never mind a year. She's 23 now and we all managed fine.

Good post there from Calsworld. I'd also add (having done a bit of P/T work many years ago) that full time is definitely better from the work satisfaction point of view. IME P/T meant having all the responsibilities of work without feeling fully in the loop. When you're F/T you feel fully involved with what's happening.

My feelings are much more that we should all be able to do what we want (or need) to do, without others taking offence!

I'm lucky in that I don't HAVE to go back to work full time, we could just about cope if I stayed at home. But in a way, I think people feel that that's even more selfish then. But I'm determined to give it a go - if it doesn't work, then I'll just have to rethink, won't I? And put up with all the 'I told you so's' from those I've met who've disapproved!!

Hi bbpants,

Not at all, going back to work is great, important for you and to your baby.

I found this article to be very helpful www.babyfy.com/index.php/features/3058/Denise-Tyler/Guilt--The-Final-Frontier/

Best,

Laura

I went back quite soon -- full time. In fact, I'm at work now. But I don't give a rats arse who does or doesn't approve. It's none of their business. And if they think it is I'll be happy to explain to them that it isn't.

Anyone who criticises me for my choice to work is no friend of mine. I of course have friends who are SAHMs. They would never my course and I would never choose theirs. We certainly don't sit around making each other feel bad about choices. Who are these people? They sound like a sad bunch on insecure jerks.

I agree with Alfiesbabe about FT being better than PT. Several of my colleagues have returned PT and complain about never fully being in the loop and also being expected to complete the equivalent of a FT job load, but PT and with a PT pay.

I returned to full time work after six weeks with both sons. It takes some juggling and I am very lucky in that both DH and I are able to work from home if necessary. Remember that it should not just be your problem if the childcare breaks down or your child is ill.

I've found this thread very helpful. I'm enjoying my maternity leave, and don't get me wrong, I love spending time with DS, but I'm also looking forward to returning to the job I love. I go to mum and baby groups and I'm beginning to get the impression that there's a kind of "mothering competition" going on... Who can be up the most times in a night, who can sacrifice the most for their baby, who can breastfeed the longest, who can attend the most baby massage/baby music/baby college/baby swimming courses etc. It's OK to say you're going back to work, so long as you make it perfectly clear that you're dreading it and you're only doing it because you have to! I haven't dared confess that I'm actually looking forward to going back to work. I'm obviously not going to win the supermum competition! But DS is cheery and healthy and I love him to bits, that's good enough, I think.

What an interesting discussion.
I went back to work FT when dd1 was 3 months, and with dd2 at 6 months.
With dd1 I was one of very few working mothers (the other were older and more senior - had had kids later). With dd2 (6 year age gap) nothing has changed. I'm now one of the only women in a largish company with kids and working ft. It's more or less impossible to get opt in my industry uless you've been there for donkeys years and I am a complete career tart and change companies roughly every 2 years!
I loved my maternity leave - more spending time with dd1 who was 6 and seeing more of her daytime life than my baby.
I think part time can be very hard, unless you are in the public sector perhaps. If I work I want to be successful and respected so that's it's worth the effort. Like many other posters here I am the main breadwinner.

I had a lovely mummy moment last night. I had a meeting that ran very late so the kids were asleep when i got home. At 11.30pm dh suddenly remembered that dd1 had put a tooth under her pillow. So he dashed to her room and came back with an alarmed expression - 'She's left a note for the tooth fairy!'. The note asked for a letter back including a self-portrait! So I was up until 12.30am, writing with my left hand and trying to draw a fairy that didn't look just like all the others I've drawn her....This morning she was glowing iwth happiness.
Excuse the ramble but I'm trying to say that even when you work fulltime, and sometimes long hours, you still get to enjoy the magic of their childhood.
My daughter loves visitng my office. She knows why i work and although she'd like to see more of me (and me her), i think on balance everyone is happy.

Do what's right for you, but I found 5 days too much. 4 days means you have a day to catch up with messages & bits, and you then have the weekend to really enjoy without chores. Not everyone can afford to do this though, and depending on your job, you may find that working 4 days in reality means yuo are doing 5 days work, stuffed into 4, and getting paid less.

I think the main thing is not to make to big a deal over it - that way, if you decide things aren't working out, you can change your mind without feeling that you will be losing face.

Yes, and get all the support you can. If you can afford it, a nanny means that you can get ready & leave the house in the morning withiut having to get kids dressed, fed and dropped off to nursery / childminder. Also they can make sure your meal is ready when you get back, and keep on top of laundry and other chores.

Also, do your grocery shopping online. I am a convert.

Silly things like these make it a lot easier.

Do you think you're the devil ? because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I, rather old fashionedly, think babies/small children need their mums, not someone else, to look after them. I bitterly regret the time DD1 went to nursery, I don't think it did her any good. She also states she didn't like spending such ling days there. She is 4.5 now.

Yes it's good to have a coffee when it's hot, go to the loo etc, but not doing this is all part of being a mother. Lo's are so small for such a short time, is it so bad to put it on hold ?

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.