When working in a school & see another staff member make your child sob with tears!!

[Mumsy2022]

My children attend a lovely school. I also work there. So today, while at work as I was on duty, I witnessed another member of staff make my child sob with tears after telling her off in a really nasty way. There literally was no need for the member of staff to speak to my daughter in this awful tone, which then resulted in her making my daughter sob with tears.

As I watched my daughter break down, I just had this wave of upset and my heart broke, the pain in my stomach was horrible. The other member of staff shouted at so loudly and aggressively! Ok, I get part of the point as to while my daughter was told off, due to what happened, but, no way was the way the staff member spoke to my daughter, acceptable. It was sheer aggression and like she enjoyed it. I also heard before now, she’s upset other children like this and other family members of them children who also work in the school have witnessed it.

So back to my daughter… I waited a short while and could see my daughter was crying even more and looked so worried and scared. Now, I know this sounds bad and unprofessional of me, but I couldn’t help myself. I decided to go and check my daughter was ok, but before I managed to get to where she was standing, that same member of staff decided to get there first and knelt down look at my daughter and say something to her. By the time I’d got there, the staff member was saying something to her with regards to what had happened. The staff member knew I was standing there but carried on speaking to my daughter, didn’t acknowledge me at all & ignored me, no eye contact, nothing!!

I asked if my daughter was ok, but no reply. Then another staff member came over to speak to me to ask if everything was ok. Then I told her I saw my daughter sobbing and needed to see she was alright. That member of staff told me what had happened and said it’s being dealt with. Basically hinting for me to go away. I decided then, my daughter had calmed down so I’d leave the scene. It was then time for the bell to go, so we all went separate ways.

Since it’s happened I’ve been in two minds whether or not to go to the headteacher about what I witnessed to speak to her about what happened and complain about the other staff member. Not just because I am biased or because she’s my daughter. If I’d seen this staff member had shouted and made another child cry, I’d be in the same frame of mind. Children need boundaries yes, also to be reminded if they’re doing something they shouldn’t be, but as mentioned this staff member when too far and children also need to trust staff and feel comfortable and happy around them.

Am I in my rights to go to the head teacher and complain, not just as a witness or staff member but as a mother? Or do I just say nothing, keep quiet and hope it don’t happen again? Am I being unreasonable and unprofessional? I haven’t stop thinking about it all day & really don’t know where I’d stand as a staff member! Maybe they’d say I shouldn’t of intervened and my job was at risk. I find this so difficult as my children are my world. Also, I care so much for all the children at my work, seeing them upset is heartbreaking.

Any help, advice or just a friendly suggestion would be great.

Many thanks for reading.

As mentioned in my post it’s only hearsay that I’ve heard she’s been like this with other children, I’ve no evidence whatsoever. She’s a substitute member of staff, who is not there all the time. Shes rude to staff too. But I’ve no solid evidence she’s treated other children the same, only what I’ve been told. How can I prove that? This I saw with my own eyes! I was there, she was horrible and it was uncalled for. Yes remind my DD she cannot cross the line. But maybe be less agreeable about it!! Lots of children Cross the line, no one else speaks to the children this way, the way she did. We ask them calmly and just remind them it’s not safe. I agree about the dangers of it, and just having a line proves difficult sometimes when children are so excited to see friends, sisters, brothers, etc. we’ve all agreed it’s not the best form of safety, and we’ve even put these points across to SLT’s.

All I’m saying is, she had no need to be so aggressive in her manor how she approaches children. There’s loads of ways to remind children not to cross the line. Also, when I have some solid evidence of her doing this to other pupils I will definitely report her, not just cause this is my child. I’ve not said I’m reporting her, all
i did was ask for some advice. I agree this won’t look good. But I can’t very well tell the head she’s done it before without me actually witnessing it or they’ll just say it’s hearsay.

I'll be honest. My mother hat is always on before my work hat and I wouldn't have been dismissed from my own child like that. I too work in my child's school and am eternal grateful we deal with situations like this very, very well. Would I go to the head? No.i.otibsbly wouldn't. But I'd certainly mention.my concerns to my line manager.

But I can’t very well tell the head she’s done it before without me actually witnessing it or they’ll just say it’s hearsay.

It may be a case of the incident with your DD being 'one of the pieces in the puzzle'. Others may have raised concerns about the staff member and your report may provide a little more of the overall picture.

As you are both TAs I would raise it with your line manager. You can tell them what you saw and then leave any next steps to them. It may be that this TA needs a refresher in the school's behaviour policy - especially if they aren't there all the time.

'Just a substitute'? Well if your daughter is as charming as you I'd see why they'd tell her off tbh. Stop barking on about how aggressive she is because you didn't give a flying f* until it was your child being told off

You do not work at a lovely school. That member of staff is a bully. Report to HT but prepare to move to another school.

Again... you know for sure she is aggressive, yet have never actually witnessed this yourself, only heard whispers from others?

Did you actually read my post? I witnessed her speaking to my daughter like that, but I’ve never witnessed her speaking to any other pupil like that, only what others have told me. One staff member who also witnessed it said to me afterwards ‘I’ve seen her do that to other kids’ but I’ve no evidence of this, only their word

Could you request a personal meeting with her line manager? As a parent of course. Discuss how your child felt after school and how it was unacceptable. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Definitely sounds like the TA should have just reminded your daughter to stay the correct side of the line and not be such a nasty fascist about it.

I would not be happy seeing this, no matter whose child it was.

If you want to get rid of this TA though you should probably just keep an eye out fo rwhen she does it to other children and complain about her behaviour and tell your daughter that the TA probably had pants on that were too tight lol.

I'm not a fan of people working in the same school as their child. We have it at my dc school and it does cause issues. Id just wait and see if it happens again, if it does, report it.

Whilst I believe the staff member was out of order I think you would get more credibility if you wait until she /he does it with a child you are not connected to

This is irrelevant
No teacher should make a child cry
Report it to the head and chair of governors

@OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside

Guess you only need to say boo to some kids though and they would start bawling.

Some yes. But not my DD she’s usually very resilient, and doesn’t hardly ever cry unless she hurt herself badly, or if she’s unwell. If only everyone could see the TA do what she did, you’d all see how awful it was, not just from a ‘moms’ perspective, but from one TA to another! 🙁 Any child would have been upset.

”A vile human being”? For that post? You seem a little prone to exaggeration and over reacting and I do wonder if you are not over exaggerating the TA’s response here too.

”A vile human being”? For that post? You seem a little prone to exaggeration and over reacting and I do wonder if you are not over exaggerating the TA’s response here too.

Yeah I agree with this. A vile human being is Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer - people who write one mildly disagreeable post on Mumsnet? Not so much. I was inclined to think you should raise this at school, but would advise taking time to really check your reaction first and make sure you’re not massively overstating like you did there. And move to a different school to your child, it always causes problems.

Regardless of whether you think those posters are trolls or overly-critical, one thing they are absolutely right about is that you do need to leave the emotion out of it if you decide to report what you witnessed. If you talk about your child "sobbing" or the TA showing "sheer aggression" and that she 'seemed to enjoy it', it will make your account seem far less reliable.

Stick to the facts. "A child stepped over the line and Mrs X responded to that by shouting loudly at them. We have always had it drummed into us to speak respectfully to the children so that they feel that they can always approach us if they have a problem. Our behaviour policy also says that if a child makes a poor choice we should say/do [say whatever that is]. This didn't happen. I'm aware that I may be biased as on this occasion it was my own child who was involved, but I think you should be aware that this is what happened."

All of the staff need to be on the same page when it comes to behaviour. That way everyone (including the children) knows what the expectations are and what the next steps will be. As I've said before, it may be that this TA needs more training in behaviour management. We regularly have workshops on this as part of our professional training but this person may have slipped through the net if they're only in school on a casual basis.