When working in a school & see another staff member make your child sob with tears!!

[Mumsy2022]

My children attend a lovely school. I also work there. So today, while at work as I was on duty, I witnessed another member of staff make my child sob with tears after telling her off in a really nasty way. There literally was no need for the member of staff to speak to my daughter in this awful tone, which then resulted in her making my daughter sob with tears.

As I watched my daughter break down, I just had this wave of upset and my heart broke, the pain in my stomach was horrible. The other member of staff shouted at so loudly and aggressively! Ok, I get part of the point as to while my daughter was told off, due to what happened, but, no way was the way the staff member spoke to my daughter, acceptable. It was sheer aggression and like she enjoyed it. I also heard before now, she’s upset other children like this and other family members of them children who also work in the school have witnessed it.

So back to my daughter… I waited a short while and could see my daughter was crying even more and looked so worried and scared. Now, I know this sounds bad and unprofessional of me, but I couldn’t help myself. I decided to go and check my daughter was ok, but before I managed to get to where she was standing, that same member of staff decided to get there first and knelt down look at my daughter and say something to her. By the time I’d got there, the staff member was saying something to her with regards to what had happened. The staff member knew I was standing there but carried on speaking to my daughter, didn’t acknowledge me at all & ignored me, no eye contact, nothing!!

I asked if my daughter was ok, but no reply. Then another staff member came over to speak to me to ask if everything was ok. Then I told her I saw my daughter sobbing and needed to see she was alright. That member of staff told me what had happened and said it’s being dealt with. Basically hinting for me to go away. I decided then, my daughter had calmed down so I’d leave the scene. It was then time for the bell to go, so we all went separate ways.

Since it’s happened I’ve been in two minds whether or not to go to the headteacher about what I witnessed to speak to her about what happened and complain about the other staff member. Not just because I am biased or because she’s my daughter. If I’d seen this staff member had shouted and made another child cry, I’d be in the same frame of mind. Children need boundaries yes, also to be reminded if they’re doing something they shouldn’t be, but as mentioned this staff member when too far and children also need to trust staff and feel comfortable and happy around them.

Am I in my rights to go to the head teacher and complain, not just as a witness or staff member but as a mother? Or do I just say nothing, keep quiet and hope it don’t happen again? Am I being unreasonable and unprofessional? I haven’t stop thinking about it all day & really don’t know where I’d stand as a staff member! Maybe they’d say I shouldn’t of intervened and my job was at risk. I find this so difficult as my children are my world. Also, I care so much for all the children at my work, seeing them upset is heartbreaking.

Any help, advice or just a friendly suggestion would be great.

Many thanks for reading.

Apologies, I thought I’d mentioned it! But our playground has two sides, one for little ones, KS1 and one side for KS2 . So there’s a red line splitting the two sides, and my daughter stepped over it to give her friend a hug. That was it.

She came out of school sad, upset and quiet. She’s usually full of the joys and this time she didn’t seem her self. She didn’t know I’d seen want had happened as I was on the other side of the playground with the older children, it was only when I noticed her sobbing I then made my presence known.

Er.... Right. 😂😂😂

And this demonstrates why staff are leaving the teaching sector!

Apologies I thought I’d mentioned it! But our playground has two sides, one for little ones, KS1 and one side for KS2 . So there’s a red line splitting the two sides, and my daughter stepped over it to give her friend a hug. That was it.

I think you should speak to the head but not specifically in relation to your child. You say you’re aware of other children who the teacher has treated this way but haven’t been prompted to raise it until it was your own child? That may diminish your case I’m afraid, but it does sound like the telling off was disproportionate to the misdeed.

And then you should endeavour to not be working in the same school as your own children if at all possible.

It's a hard one. I would never work in same school as my dc. I'm sure you will come across this again as a parent working with your own children so I would tread carefully. Your dd didn't obey the rules and was told off. Maybe too forcefully but I bet she won't do that again. I'd leave it now- honestly as a mum I would probably have stepped in when it was happening.... but that's why I would never have my dc in my school- I know I'd be very bias!

If she genuinely only stepped over a painted line, then I’d be concerned about the treatment from the staff member. I’m a pretty strict teacher when it comes to behaviour expectations, but I almost never raise my voice and would never use a nasty or aggressive tone.

If a child crossed into the wrong playground, I’d say ‘back onto your side please’ and would only talk to them further if they didn’t follow my instruction.

l’d mention it to management, but take out the emotion of it being your child and focus on staff should speak positively to children and model expected communication.

so basically your daughter was in the wrong side of the playground. Whether she was giving her friend a hg or a kitkat is really neither here nor there. Honestly, you are getting things out of proportion. Your dd was told off. She cried. You are dramatizing this - 'it was sheer aggression and like she enjoyed it' and 'she stepped over to give her friend a hug'.

I think you will regret getting involved in this. If you had real concerns that this member of staff was 'aggressive and enjoyed it', you would have done something on all the other occasions you have seen it.

If this is a recurring incident could you mention to your head teacher that you noticed said person speaking nastily to a child and making them cry, you were alerted by their tone of voice and then you realised it was your child. Can you remember any other incidents with other children that you have witnessed?

no child should be made to cry at school by the way an adult speaks to them.

Did your daughter tell you that it was because she stepped over the line?
Could she have done it multiple times and so the teacher got angry?
It's sounds like an odd thing to get into so much trouble for.
How is your daughter normally, behaviour wise?
I think you need to think hard. If you've witnessed this kind of aggressiveness before have you stepped in? Or is it because it was your daughter and naturally it pulled at your heart?
Did you get a chance to speak to the colleague later on?

I think this is difficult as if you hadn't seen what had happened you would only know what your daughter told you. There does seem among some staff the tendency to treat children whose parents work in a school more harshly as they don't fear any repercussions. I don't have any answers but would probably do nothing.

No teacher shouts a kid for simply crossing a line to hug a friend. They’ll be a massive back story to this. Eg a load of back chat and disrespect when initially pulled up on it or it’s a persistent issue that the child has been told not to do many many times but continues to do so. Kids who’s parents work at the school tend to think they do deserve special treatment.

At first I thought you were overreacting (as most of us would) at seeing our child upset. I also assumed she had done something like hit another child.

Then I read your update that it was because she had stepped across a red line to hug a child.

Complete overreaction from the teacher and very unkind. Some people should not be teachers. Personally, I would complain.

I agree with this. You can’t say you’d go for another child, just so happens to be your child when you haven’t done.

I take it you ate dinner staff? Is there a line manager of the dinner staff you could speak with?

I felt quite uncomfortable reading this. Seen a lot of threads where so many people are quick to assume that no matter how the teacher behaved the child must have deserved it. This is how so many teachers and other adults in authority or positions of trust get away with all kinds of abuse. I've had a couple of horrendous teachers so I tend to want to know more rather than be bitchy.

Have you spoken to your DD and managed to get from her what the teacher said to her? I would be worried that she might feel unable to tell you especially if scared of the teacher. I'd particularly want to know what she said when kneeling down and no longer shouting as she saw you coming. Remind your daughter that she can tell you anything.

Teachers of small children don't need to be aggressive or have a nasty tone to tell someone off. If you can't manage that you shouldn't be in the profession. I've seen teachers shouting at our school across the playground and they sound neither of those things. I'm not sure what kind of behaviour people think would warrant that?

I wouldn't raise it in your position this time, partly because I don't think you were close enough. I feel for you as it must make being in the school with that teacher very uncomfortable. She may dial it back or feel emboldened. I would write everything down while fresh in case any other incident you witness warrants going back to it.

So happy to witness other children being bullied by a teacher but not your own. I don’t mean to be harsh but my child was bullied by a really horrible primary school teacher and it affected his mental health ever since.

It's hard to know without actually being there.
I've been accused at screaming at kids for asking them, in a deliberately neutral tone, to take their coats off or go to their lesson or go the right way down a corridor.
I've also been accused of being aggressive and in a bad mood, for asking students why they are late to a lesson/ not picking up a pen/ fucking about.

There's no excuse to angrily shout at a child.
Personally I'd explain to the HT what happened. I'd explain to them that you were upset and you've reflected on it and it's unacceptable to treat children in that way.
I remember being bellowed at by a uni lecturer who was a bully, I was an adult but it shook me to the core - and he was in the wrong! That happened 22 years ago and I still remember it!

One of the first rules for parents working in a school is that you don't get involved in an incident involving your own child. Walking over to see your daughter when her behaviour was being dealt with would almost certainly be classed as getting involved.

The exception would be for safeguarding purposes. You could possibly try to argue that you thought it was a safeguarding issue because you believed that the staff member was far too harsh. However, you say that this has happened before with other children and you've not considered it worth reporting before.

The playground will have been divided into two for safety reasons. A Yr 6 child running around will potentially cause a much higher level of injury to a Reception child than they would to someone of their own size. Lots of children will have (in their opinion) a good reason to cross to the 'wrong' side of the playground - they wanted to tell their sibling something, their friend was upset, they wanted to give another child something. The only way the system works is if no exceptions are permitted.

If you genuinely believe that this member of staff was very much out of order for the way they speak to children then go and speak to your line manager in your capacity as a staff member. Everyone should speak up if they see something that could potentially be a safeguarding issue. They will almost certainly advise to to take the matter to SLT unless, for example, they themselves are a DSL. However, be prepared for questions to be asked about why you are only speaking up now that your own child is involved.

@CurlsandSwirls absolutely, as in any profession you will have wonderful teachers, awful teachers and bullies or nasty pieces of work. My DC have fortunately had no significant issues with any of their teachers and have had a few who stand out as being wonderful at teaching and also lovely and caring.

I have spoken to my DC of my own and others experiences and reassured them that they can and should talk to me about anything that happens and that I will have their backs. I remember my mother who was very meek and the type who felt teachers had authority even with her being treated like dirt by my primary teachers.

@TheMoth I understand where you are coming from but in this instance the OP witnessed the aggression, volume and tone herself. I do have experience from Dd's primary school of an instance where a parent was angry at the way the class was spoken to by a particular teacher after hearing her child's version of events. My DD recounted it differently and had no issues. You do sometimes get to know that these kids and their parents do create drama but it doesn't mean that everyone is like this.

Firstly, if you’d read my post correctly you’d of read I put ‘heard that this member of staff had been like this to other children’ not seen, only heard, so I have no evidence of this, this is just what I’ve been told, whether it true or not. I would
of needed solid evidence to say something to the head.

I am not dramatising it at all. The member of staff is a temporary staff member. We are both TA’s, but she is just a substitute when our other ones are unwell or off. I’ve worked at the school a long while, and from working there the time I have, I’ve never come across such an aggressive substitute member of staff, she’s not nice to other staff either. She’s quite rude. Our head has always drummed it into us, be careful on how we approach children, what language we use, how
to speak to them, how to safeguard them. To make a child cry isn’t right. My DD didn’t wonder off into the playground on the opposite side, she mealy stepped over the line, so she was still by it, just over the other side of it. The aggression in the member of staffs voice wasn’t normal, she could of asked my DD calmly, if she didn’t listen then perhaps use a firmer tone. But to shout with aggression in her tone wasn’t right!!

Excuse me? My child doesn’t back chat anyone. She’s the kindest, most caring, respectful child there is. I’ve bought her up ‘properly’ with manners. She’s 5 years old. She’s had an excellent parents evening. Works hard and is polite. There is no backstory, what I’ve said happened is the truth. Why would I need to lie. She had never gone over the line before, but she was excited no doubt to see her friend, they’re all in excited mode for Xmas, I guess it was a silly little minor mistake which backfired. The thing is, so many children cross the line, sometimes forgetting and it’s a bit of a pain in the bum with just a line, the children want to interact with brothers, sisters, cousins, friends in other Year groups! So no, there’s no back story, no disrespect from my DD she’s a lovely person who wouldn’t backchat anyone.

Also, no I do not think I deserve special
treatment at all. I’ve no evidence this staff member has spoke to others like this, I’ve just heard it through others, but haven’t witnessed it myself. She’s rude to staff most the time also only a stand in, so doesn’t really know the children or built up any relationships with them.

your comments are quite shocking!!

I would say something.

Some teachers do get a bit power crazy. I've seen it myself working in schools.Total over reaction and there's no way I'd let it go. Not particularly bothered if it makes me "that parent"

Don't worry about it OP. Some people refuse to believe people can just be dicks for the sake of it. You get them in every profession.