SAHM starting career

[careerstarter]

To cut a long story short, I had two children straight out of my undergraduate degree and have never had a formal career. I am therefore not returning to work, but starting a career from scratch and am unsure how to successfully apply for jobs.

Grad schemes don’t offer flexible enough work for someone who has two small kids, but other jobs (even entry level) say I don’t have the right experience, or (based on job descriptions), I don’t have quite enough to feel confident in applying.

Is there an organisation that can offer advice or someone with experience of this?

I have ample experience in the sector I am considering, albeit a few years old due to SAHM gap, but I can’t afford to volunteer to update things as I can’t afford childcare without a wage. I don’t know what the best way to explain my employment gap is, and am self conscious that I may be judged due to my “unorthodox” motherhood pre-career choice and want to show I am fully committed to my career.

I appreciate I chose to have kids young, but I didn’t expect to feel quite the door slam on my career that it seems to have been. I can’t seem to get anywhere with my applications, and the few I’ve had an interview/feedback from, it’s been vague and along the lines of “not enough experience” but I don’t know how to gain this with kids/when I can’t seem to get into the workforce.

Am I missing something? Any tips? Feeling a bit deflated but just want to know if there’s some sort of approach to things I’m missing?

Thanks very much x

OP if you don't mind me asking - what is your degree in? Graduate programme are becoming more flexible as well so might be worth contacting the company before spending time putting in an application.

Also it might be worth you googling returner or returnship programmes :)

Good luck!

Grad programmes are changing. Especially now with more remote working.

I've actually known a few that had children when doing them.

Might help if yo provided more info - career area would be good - I get that you want to be anonymous - but we don't have enough info to help you.

Do you have a partner? If you have been a SAHM to facilitate his career, now it's his turn to step up and facilitate yours.

It’s a fairly common occurrence that SAHM who have outdated experience won’t be selected at first sift. Most employers are looking for relevant, current experience demonstrable through essential criteria and competencies required to be successful in a role. You could start in a support role or volunteer to get some experience of being back in the workplace. It’s a shame but many employers are wary of SAHM applying as they foresee child related absence, part time requests and little flexibility.

Sorry trying to keep more anonymous so don’t want to share too many details, but I’m fairly open to career options. I have a good degree though, so feel frustrated that after all that work it doesn’t seem to have been for much.

I have previously applied to a few grad schemes and they were not particularly flexible around kids. I have kept looking but they seem to be more tailored to childless people. I will keep looking though!

@momlette I fully appreciate this, and that’s why I’ve asked for help. As I’ve said, volunteering isn’t really an option as I haven’t got help with childcare and cannot afford to pay for it without a job. Hence why I’m a SAHM. I just don’t really understand how to break the cycle…thank you for your advice 😊

@passport123 Yes I do, and he is trying to help as I stepped back from my career so he could have his. Unfortunately I can’t currently get anywhere with job applications, and he can’t give up his wage whilst I’m still at home. He’s fully supportive, but the workplaces I’m looking at don’t seem to be…

Just don’t understand why being a SAHM is seen us such a bad thing. It’s not like I don’t have any skills or sit on my butt all day…

I don’t think employers are going to consider parenting and looking after your own home as skills that are desirable. They are just basic living life skills that you’d expect anyone to have who is living life like an adult. I would advise against trying the “ ceo of the house, chauffeur, chef, business manager “ nonsense that some come up with. Just write off the sahm years as a gap unless you’ve done anything outside of the home worth mentioning eg being on a committee or supporting local campaigns/ charity work? Alternatively you may just be better off looking for work that dovetails with your husband. How about working evenings just to get something on your CV. Could you train up in teaching English as a foreign language night school classes?

Have you considered a career in healthcare management? NHS is always needing good people.

Basically you start as band 3 admin and you get in as ‘bank’ or temporary staff. Each Trust will have a way of registering as bank. On your CV you’ll have to talk about the way everything you’ve done makes you a good administrator, just being a graduate isn’t enough.

Stay there a year, take every opportunity to do training and lead processes, then go for band 4 team lead. If you’re smart and good these days, you can get to band 7 within 5 years I’d say. They will sponsor a masters (probably) and you can go for the 8s and above.

When you say grad schemes aren't flexible, what are you expecting? I'm on a social work grad scheme and I have to be in placement 9-5 Monday to Friday. This is because I have to prove to the assessor in a set time in a set amount of weeks. I don't know if anyone would be able to do that part time or finishing at 3. I am just getting in help to pick up afterschool and keeping myself sane by remembering that I'm doing this due to increasing my earning potential in order to go part time and be financially stable later on (retirement). Partly this is because of my relationship not being great, worry that I'll be a lone parent and not being able to live on my minimum wage job.
You need to work out why you want to work? Is it for finances? Independence? Greater meaning? Getting recognition?
We could live ok if I carried on working in my 12 ph job which is flexible. I can't recall any jobs which you could start at after a gap in employment, earn great money and it would be flexible. Perhaps accounting?

@pjani this just isn't true in my experience. I've been stuck at band 4 for years. I have a degree and have taken every apprenticeship, training, shadowing opportunity going, there's just not enough band 5 posts and they are often de-banded as soon as the position becomes vacant.
OP- do not go into NHS admin!

OP very similar situation here. I've had to volunteer in various places just to have something to focus on and interesting on CV. Don't get me wrong I've enjoyed volunteer work so much (in bouts when children have gone to nursery or school full time).

I've had to take a back seat to my DP. Now he has acknowledged that it's my turn, I put down an ultimatum basically. I was utterly miserable.

I'm currently applying to do a post graduate qual I always wanted to do. I kept friendly with people I volunteered for or with and managed to secure some references for recent volunteering and my old grad professors have been really good with acting as referees for my post grad application, which I hope leads onto better things and employment.

It's a long hard road OP but I'm never going to give up and I'm lucky that my DP is 100% behind me.

I wish you success in your endeavours. It's such an uncertain unsettling feeling but I hope all of us in this sort of situation get there in the end!

@GrrrrrreeeNotgreatactually I’m sorry to hear that. I admit I’m in London where there is lots of movement and opportunities. Have you tried for B5s in other teams? Contracting, performance, project support? Applied at neighbouring Trusts? Applied for 12m roles?

It’s frustrating as your skills and talents are needed. The route I definitely advise against is B5 or B6 PA roles as those are very hard to move on from. Wish you luck and that people notice and support your career progression! I had a colleague who was B3 for decades and got a B7 at the age of 67 about 3y after her B5 step up. Obviously it’s ridiculous it took so long for her to get the right jobs and I don’t want that to be your path, but it can still happen. Any chance of finding a mentor?

I have a good degree though, so feel frustrated that after all that work it doesn’t seem to have been for much.

No, it won’t count for much by itself after several years. To be competitive you’ll probably need either recent relevant work experience or a fresh qualification. Either academic or professional. Is this something you’ve considered? If you don’t already have a postgraduate degree you would be eligible for a Government Postgraduate Loan to cover Masters level study. (It’s not that everyone needs this level to get a job - the point is that as well as a fresh qualification you gain fresh contacts, skills, knowledge and networks to relaunch yourself in the career market.)

If you browse the Mature Study and Retraining board here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mature_students

you may find some relevant experiences you can draw on.

Exactly this. Really sorry OP but I think you're being unrealistic here. People get flexible work by proving themselves full time then dropping down. With no workplace skills you probably need to start with something like cleaning or care work or supermarket and work up from there. This is why people don't usually have kids straight out of uni

I was also wondering what sort of flexibility you're expecting. Grad schemes aren't that bad IMO unless you're thinking city law firm or something - but will require wraparound childcare or private nursery. Once you're done with the scheme, it's easier to ask for part time hours

Also,

• you say you're fully committed to your career but wanting flexibility is not showing committed. You can expect places to be flexible but need to have worked there for 2-3 years first.

• this sounds harsh but unfortunately at the moment you need the employer more than they need you, you need the experience, references etc and so you have to be offering them dedication, reliability etc. This means sitting your OP down (if you have one) and saying that you need him to take over a few of the school runs, nursery runs if possible and definitely all of the sick days and inset days as he/ she has presumably proved himself at his place of work. This is where women go wrong. You need to sit down and explain that after all the sacrifices you have made, you want something for yourself and you need him to pick up extra so you can be the best employee going until you get that experience/ reference.

• ditto childcare costs. If he's earning and your earning it's a shared cost. Do not look at a £70 per day job and think well if nursery is £80 then you can't do it. Think short term loss for long term gain. You're investing in your family's future. Also check out UC for help if you're eligible. Try the calculator and put all sorts of costs in.

• don't go into a role thinking it's beneath you. Yes you have a degree, most of our generation do. You might be managed by someone without one and the cleaner might have two. It's irrelevant. Experience is worth much more in the employers eyes. I say this an ex cleaner with a degree.

• explain to the kids what you're doing. Mum needs something for her. Mum wants to do something else she enjoys. Mum wants to save to take you away. Anything! I find it makes the changes easier and kids are adaptable. Even my ASD daughter gets that I go to work every day and she needs to go to school/ holiday club/ after school or we don't eat. You will feel guilty. You will miss stuff but so do SAHP's. We're all doing our best.

By flexibility, I simply meant a lot of schemes run too far away and I cannot make the commute work with location and I don’t want to move my family for a grad scheme. My husband’s job (which we depend on) is very long days, so I will have to do most of the pickups and drop offs myself. Flexibility was probably not the right word, but don’t think it’s that unrealistic to actually want to see my children around my job. And if it is, then sorry for not realising - I came here to ask for advice because I don’t currently work, so not sure how I’m meant to know that.

Grad schemes in principle sound great, but lots of my friends have done them and have worked hours that I just don’t have or am prepared to give. Sorry if that does make me unrealistic, but I didn’t think it was a crime to try and work a job where I can at least put my kids to bed in the evening. And as I’ve said, I can’t just make my husband do it all, that’s equally as unrealistic.

I totally get the childcare costs and ruling out salary thing. I never said that was the issue - but I have to be able to pay for childcare, and a some jobs would currently leave me spending money to work (OH earns too much for support). I can’t afford to do that, especially given the current cost of living. And that may be “paying for my career” but it also means not being able to spend money on my kids clothes, or Christmas presents, or just general bits and bobs that make them happy. Or me happy, for that matter. Plus, and this is just my personal opinion, time is precious and I don’t want to sacrifice seeing my kids to earn net zero unless it’s for something that I really, really want to do. Maybe that does make me uncommitted, that’s fine.

I never said anything was beneath me either. I asked for help, not to be berated for just not understanding how the working world works. I have worked in supermarkets and am in no way suggesting that’s beneath me. I just thought that perhaps given all the other jobs I’ve held and the degree I worked for might have given me more of a shot in doing something more in line with what I want to do, rather than what I need to do.

I have also tried finding work that means my OH will be home with the kids. But I can’t work nights and not sleep, unless I want to make myself ill. Trying to find weekends is fine and I am applying for a few roles like this. There is the downside that I obviously won’t see my OH much and would get little time off (because, shock horror, I do think that my week as a SAHM constitutes a form of work that I do sometimes need a break from!).

It’s really refreshing to hear how poorly the world views my role as a SAHM. I realise I haven’t worked, but I didn’t think that made me totally unskilled in the work force. Call it what you want, but I think it’s an incredibly sexist attitude. I might not be in an office or developing those particular skill sets, but I certainly do use ample skills in what I do with my kids that goes beyond mere “parenting” or “running a household”. God forbid I should actually get any respect for the work I do behind closed doors.

Also, I would like to add, being a SAHM sort of happened without me fully choosing to. The pandemic hit as I was trying to boot up my career and wiped out the jobs that I was looking for at that time. And now, somehow, it’s nearly 2023 and I just wanted some advice on what to do. Next time I’ll just remember to keep my mouth shut.

I’ve been in a similar situation. What worked for me was
a. volunteering while being a SAHM - even PTA can be good experience eg I’ve run an event raising £5k attended by 850 people etc but do be strategic about what you get involved in.
b. Grad scheme

@DistrictCommissioner
I will have a look at some committee type things, that’s a really good idea.

And I will keep looking at schemes, think I’ve just not had much luck finding one nearby/right line of work yet. Thank you 😊

I think you need to decide how much you want a career Vs a job and now much time you want with your kids. Working will mean less time with your kids, but how much less depends on the type of work obviously

I always knew I wanted a career and I suspect I see a lot less of my kids than you would be happy with but I am comfortable with the balance I have.

Something more freelance where you set your own hours might suit you - osteopathy, therapist, professional organiser, personal trainer, just throwing out some random ideas as you haven't really said what interests you

I’ve been in a similar position OP but now have a job - it’s a low paid temporary position in a related field to my previous experience. I’m hoping this will lead onto better things but I accept that because I don’t want to work full time, I’m limiting my career potential significantly.

Maybe have a look at returner programs with companies like big 4 accountancy firms,
Good luck!

@Tomorrowisalatterday I’ve never really thought of it as job vs career - definitely a better way to frame it. I think you’re right though, and what works for one work-life-balance is different for someone else.
To be honest, whilst I have certain things I’d love to pursue, by the sounds of it I think I’m better off just looking for more of a job. Will have a look into some freelance. Thank you.

@miffmufferedmoof Thank you, this is helpful. I’m glad you’re finding your way, and think I’ll be in a similar position soon hopefully. 😊

Hi OP, good for you for starting your family young, I think there is so much to be said for that.

The truth is that for all families there is always going to be a compromise, you just have to choose which one.

Will it be

(a) current scenario - your DH has full support for his career, you have lots of time with your children, but your career/future earning potential is compromised

(b) your DH continues as normal, you launch yourself into a career, but compromise time with your kids

(c) you start a career, your DH steps up and does 50% of the childcare/holidays/drop-offs/sick days and compromises his career.

There aren't really any other options that I can see, you just have to pick one.

OP it's difficult Without knowing your line of degree or ambition but at my company I'm rolling out a scheme now that will seek 'associate' level roles meaning grads or people with limited experience and we will train them up over 2yrs. These are IT based roles starting salary approx £24k with 2 days per week in an office.

You should also check out Supermums - they train people in Saleforce which is a massively in demand skills set - supports freelance and part time work. Earning potential long term is huge, up to 100k or more for those that really understand the system.

I don’t want to sacrifice seeing my kids to earn net zero unless it’s for something that I really, really want to do. Maybe that does make me uncommitted, that’s fine.

Totally get this, you're prioritising your young family. It sounds like right now is not the time for your to begin starting a career (in whichever degree related field that is?). Try applying for any old job instead with the longer term view of starting a career in something you're passionate about at a later date when you can commit. Carework could have more flexible hours for example?

Do some volunteering so you've got something else recent to talk about on application and any interviews in the meantime and use that as your way in to the workforce. You could also consider updating your skils with some recent CPD like through the OU or FreeLearn perhaps and that would also give you something else to talk about on applications and at interviews. You just need a foot in the workforce door at the moment, I think, and you need to invest in yourself to get there. Good luck!