SAHM starting career

[careerstarter]

To cut a long story short, I had two children straight out of my undergraduate degree and have never had a formal career. I am therefore not returning to work, but starting a career from scratch and am unsure how to successfully apply for jobs.

Grad schemes don’t offer flexible enough work for someone who has two small kids, but other jobs (even entry level) say I don’t have the right experience, or (based on job descriptions), I don’t have quite enough to feel confident in applying.

Is there an organisation that can offer advice or someone with experience of this?

I have ample experience in the sector I am considering, albeit a few years old due to SAHM gap, but I can’t afford to volunteer to update things as I can’t afford childcare without a wage. I don’t know what the best way to explain my employment gap is, and am self conscious that I may be judged due to my “unorthodox” motherhood pre-career choice and want to show I am fully committed to my career.

I appreciate I chose to have kids young, but I didn’t expect to feel quite the door slam on my career that it seems to have been. I can’t seem to get anywhere with my applications, and the few I’ve had an interview/feedback from, it’s been vague and along the lines of “not enough experience” but I don’t know how to gain this with kids/when I can’t seem to get into the workforce.

Am I missing something? Any tips? Feeling a bit deflated but just want to know if there’s some sort of approach to things I’m missing?

Thanks very much x

You get a career as opposed to a job by being fully present and invested in the early stages, when you are still low-skilled and basically all you have is potential. If you're not willing to do that, and it sounds like you aren't at present, then you've decided that you want the status quo more than you want a career. And that's a perfectly OK decision. But you need to be aware that you're making it.

Frankly put: there is a reason that most people don't do it the way round you did. A career takes years of investment, during which you usually need to be flexible to the job's needs and be present FT to pick up opportunities to grow and learn and so on. When you've built that career momentum is when you have the opportunity to make a career flex around you. It just doesn't work the other way around.

Getting back into work now, even if it's a job instead of a career, will help you for the future, and maybe there's a time then that you will be ready and willing to build a career.

I gave up my career when i had children and became a sahm. I only went back to work when my youngest started secondary school, i wanted to be able to do all the school pick ups etc and financially and emotionally I felt that the cost and time spent commuting and working vs cost of childcare wasn't worth the effort.

During those years while I was a sahm and the kids were in primary school I did a lot of volunteering and learnt a whole new set of skills. This led to me finding a job very easily when I started looking, and I've been working ever since.

However I have a job and not a career. I will never earn what I once did or have quite the same amount of job satisfaction, but I earn ok money and always choose roles with flexibility.

I was in your boat! I took a role that was way below my expected pay grade just to get a foot in the door. It was minimal hours, only 12 per week but flexible. Almost a year in, I've got a promotion and I have increased my hours but I've taken a term time only role so my earning potential is still less because its spread out over the year. However, it has given me confidence back and allowed me to network. I have been offered different positions by different companies but have decided to wait until my youngest is 3. I'm swaying towards completing my masters and finally taking that leap of faith.
Like you, very supportive husband but his wages ultimately keep us going and until I secure a job in my preferred field it would be too much of a risk.

Frankly put: there is a reason that most people don't do it the way round you did. A career takes years of investment, during which you usually need to be flexible to the job's needs and be present FT to pick up opportunities to grow and learn and so on. When you've built that career momentum is when you have the opportunity to make a career flex around you. It just doesn't work the other way around

This.

Unfortunately, until you feel able to put in the time, that everyone puts in at the beginning of a career, perhaps a job is the way forward? While building towards your career.

The reality is being a working mother with a career sometimes you are not there for drop off, collection or occasional bedtimes. This is simply a fact and it may not be right for you at this time. And the good news is that you have lots of time and children grow older very quickly!

The road more travelled suits a lot of people for this reason - build career to build trust which tends to open flexibility from employer as you have a track record. Have children then available of the credit you have built.

Perhaps your DH can look into what his employer can offer to be more present as he has had the opportunity to build trust? Has he access to flexi working etc ?

Either way you will get there it just may take a more winding road. Best of 🤞

I just thought that perhaps given all the other jobs I’ve held and the degree I worked for might have given me more of a shot in doing something more in line with what I want to do, rather than what I need to do.

And it probably would if you would be prepared to make some sort of compromise somewhere, but you don't seem to want to.

When people are saying you are being unrealistic I think they mean that you just aren't going to find a flexible job, close to home, with a good wage, that allows you to do all the pick ups/drop offs, and is what you want to do, right off the bat without any recent experience.

People tend to get their career established and build their credibility before children, because it makes it more likely that employers will be flexible.

I was a sahm for 12 years and got back into my career. I had an advantage over you in that I already had a few years experience before starting my break.

My main suggestions would be;
Get some voluntary experience. I worked for a large charity in an area related to my professional qualification and also on some local community projects which involved applying for grants, generating publicity, basic accounting, managing other people etc.
Apply for fixed term contracts and temp work through agencies. Grad schemes and full time perm jobs are more competitive. Once you've got the recent experience that's more of a toe hold into the perm jobs.

Childcare is difficult in all of this. I started my voluntary work once the dc were at primary school and got paid work by the time they were High School and yr 6. It's all worth it now we're funding Uni places though!

I understand it’s frustrating but sometimes something has to give. It’s not going to be an employer either you have to be more flexible. Look for ways to get hildcare maybe think outside the box - evening voluntary work a few nights a week. You are going have to make compromises

You say you rely on husbands salary and he earns too much for any help. What sort of salary is he on? Can any childcare costs come from his wages? As others have said, there will need to be a sacrifice whether that be time, finances or husband helping facilitate your career for a while.
You’d be surprised at how many high flying jobs done by men where they claim to not be able to be flexible but actually most of them probably can be (ie to help with drop offs etc)

Op I'm not one of those who feel that if you don't earn 50K pre kids you're doomed. I had no ambition before I had kids, graduated and worked minimum wage jobs in cafes and shops. I then had my children and I just wanted so much more for them. The work I was doing was late evenings and weekends and I just never saw them! I switched to a minimum wage nhs admin job and built up from there. Now I'm on a grad scheme, due to graduate in 2 years. I will have lots of years of missing pick up, drop off and sports day. Did a man ever feel guilty about that???
I know I should be able to work less in around ten years when my kids are in their teens. We spend a shit load on childcare but I've found a school holiday club which allows me to pay in instalments. I have very supportive parents who do a pick up a week. Their dad does pick up once a week. Would yours do at least that? He has to understand it's not optional, it's not doing you a favour. It's the bare minimum.

You could think of it as not lowering yourself to earn nothing or you could think of it as self care. What did you dream of doing?

I changed career after dc1 so I had to start again.

What I did was get an entry position for 2 days & worked really hard. I was available for any overtime & rarely was off if a dc was ill. My childcare was same as my salary but something has to give. It paid off though as I doubled my salary & got a promotion.