Childcare when baby / child is sick

[Tofupudding]

What do people do when their baby / kids are sick?

I work from home 4 days a week. Long story short, my manager told me yesterday that I need to find a solution for my 15m toddler who is sick second time in 3 weeks (D&V for over a week first time and this time high fever also almost a week). He started nursery in early September (when I returned to work).

I found it really upsetting because despite him being ill and crying downstairs with my parents / partner, I still worked 2 days this week because I felt bad about some urgent meetings that I was chairing. And what I got in return was for my manager to tell me that I need to find a solution because he clearly will be sick again and she said "it's hard for me and the team to have to keep picking up work" (her words)

I mean, am I missing a trick here?? When your kid is sick and young, who else is supposed to take care of them??? My parents can help but they're old with chronic illness and I feel bad they're catching cold and flu from my kids, my partner also needs to work too. And whilst my partner and parents try to help, my toddler just won't stop crying unless I tend to him and breastfeed him. My manager suggested that when her son was young she got around this by hiring a nanny instead, whilst she has that kind of money, I don't! In all my working life and in this organisation (NHS) I've never had any other managers telling me anything like this, my previous managers have always been just sympathetic when my other child gets sick I just don't know what is going on here!

I'm genuinely interested in what people do about work when their kids are sick, please tell me!

You share it with your partner.

It's tricky. And your boss doesn't sound very supportive.

You should be allowed unpaid leave for childcare, or to use a holiday day.

Are you able to make hours up if you leave early?

Work need to lump it. If your child is sick then they are your number one priority. I'd be looking for a more sympathetic employer. Worst case they just don't pay you for the days you take off. Children are unwell constantly around that time.

You share with your partner. It's not fair for one person to take the hit every time

If my parents can't cover it, my partner and I share it 50/50. And if I worked at home while one of them was watching the baby, I'd work elsewhere that day or put headphones on and get on with it.

To be honest your manager sounds like a prick. I'd keep a record of all these emails and comments for a formal conplaint.

There is no magic answer, I don't think. However you should 100% be sharing the time missed with your partner. Your child will be absolutely fine without a breastfeed, just like they are at nursery.

One parent shouldn’t be taking it on all of the time but with the best will in the world, children do get sick, especially in their first year of childcare.

DS was always getting temps and viruses last year. DH and I shared it but I ended up with 💩 attendance at work - he wasn’t as bad as his work is more flexible so could make the hours up.

It happens.

You call in sick
You take parental leave
those are the only options split between two parents ideally

Can you look for another role? I'm a Civil Servant - since DD (16months) started nursery in May, she's had D&V twice (at least 3 days off each and she only goes 3days a week!), plus been sent home twice with a high temp. DH and i have shared taking the time off work (some AL, some flexi leave) and both our bosses have been really supportive about working around DD, making up the time after she has gone to bed and recently, DD joined me on my knee for a Teams meeting (our team only obviously, not any external or cross-govt colleagues), where she sat and played with a toy whilst i contributed. It's just a fact of life that the first winter in nursery, kids get loads of bugs and if you have an unsupportive manager, it's going to be an added stress.

I feel you. I have had the same issue with baby sick 2 out of 3 weeks since starting back recently. I don’t have any outside help so it’s for me & partner to work out. But he is the much higher earner and his job is less flexible so I have ended up doing most of it. It’s grim but hopefully their immunity will perk up soon.

I had this when DC started nursery, endless bugs and phone calls to collect them from nursery just as I arrived in the office.

Work were reasonably supportive but ultimately didn't expect to pay me not to be at work.

Understandably your DC wants you, but would they settle better if they didn't know you were in the house? Hard as it is, could DH take the day off and you go into the office? Can you use some annual or unpaid leave?

Returning to work with young DC stretches you to your limit but this period doesn't last forever. And your employers, however sympathetic, have to ensure the work gets done.

Your boss is right, he can't be expected to pick up the slack every time your kid is ill. You need to do double duty with your partner.

You absolutely must share it with your child’s father.

It's really hard and I think Covid has actually made things worse as children are sent home a lot now. You need to share with partner, or grandparents have dc (but I never asked if they had been vomiting).

It's bloody difficult. We have no grandparents nearby so it's on us. Fortunately we have flexible jobs. We broadly alternate, and put each other's crucial meetings in our calendars so in theory when the inevitable strikes one of us should be able to move things around and take the day.

Your boss needs to be more realistic.

Would your baby cope better with not breastfeeding if you were out of the house?

I just have to take it unpaid. Plus also still pay the nursery fees anyway😫 They legally have to give you time off for dependants in unforeseen or emergency situations. They don't have to pay you, but they certainly can't discipline you.

You still have to fulfill your employment contract. It's not unreasonable of your manager to remind you of that.

Id be keeping a record of the comments being made to you.

But going forward, as everyone has said, ideally you share it with your child’s father where possible. Although I understand that doesn’t always work.

My DH works offshore for weeks at a time and typically DC seem to always get sick when daddy isn’t here so I have absolutely no choice but to take the time off myself. I’ve had to take time off for multiple D&V bugs, Hand Foot & Mouth and various temperatures/coughs etc. It’s really difficult.

OP did you take leave to look after DC? If so, your manager is out of order.

Otherwise, if you are trying to work & look after your DC, that's not ok & your manager is right.

It's very hard when they are small. As PP have said, you share it with your DH/P. It's great if your parents can help too.

Share it with your partner by taking annual leave, we have no family nearby so it falls to DH and I. Saying that once I had 2 I dropped to part time as it was getting too much and now they're in school I can usually juggle my hours around so that I don't need to take leave.

Sorry I wasn't being clear, my partner already share it with me (11 days of baby sickness if which I've taken 4.5 days off) and I'm already taking unpaid leave to cover this and obviously my parents.

But what else can I do apart from handing in my resignation? I feel like that's what she wants me to do. Apparently we are only allowed 5 days of unpaid special leaves and I've used up 4.5 so far.

I have a young child so although fully understand your side I also get that the rest of the team cannot compensate often.

@Heartbreaktuna Emergency Dependents Leave is designed for you to go to nursery to pick your sick child up, and take them to a childminder / grandparents / whoever. It's not designed to look after your sick child for the next few days til they're better.

Also to PP who suggested keeping a record for a future complaint - what do you think HR will do? The manager is correct that OP needs to be available to work and they're right to suggest other sources of childcare as a means to be able to work.

OP none of this makes it any easier on you. It is really tough. Lots of people go through it. It will get easier but I know that's not a comfort given where you are at the moment.

So we're getting somewhere, so there are child minders who can take sick kids?