Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

The dreaded counteroffer 🤯

51 replies

CounterQueen · 18/10/2022 18:31

I recently accepted a new job. I am (was) excited about the role which will allow me to specialise/develop skills in an area I am very interested in. The salary and benefits look good, nice offices, and I already know a few people in the team who I get on well with, so hopefully it won’t feel too strange being the newbie.

I told my current boss this afternoon that I had accepted an offer elsewhere. I was expecting mild disappointment/frustration but acceptance. I was not expecting a (verbal) counteroffer which would involve a decent pay rise (more than what new company will pay) and the opportunity to change my existing duties to be more like the ones I would be doing in the new role. He has been saying again and again how much of a valued team member I am, how he had great plans for my career progression, how I am exactly the sort of person he sees in a very senior position in the company one day etc etc. He even got me to speak to his boss who reiterated all of this.

I was expecting to feel a great sense of relief and excitement once I had resigned, but am now feeling incredibly confused/guilty and don’t know what to do.

Has anyone been in the same position and ended up staying? How did it work out?

OP posts:
AlexandraJJ · 18/10/2022 19:18

Happened to me last year and I stayed. Happened again and I left. The only regret I had was not leaving the first time

StickofVeg · 18/10/2022 19:25

You're not burning bridges by turning down their counter offer. Just say you "decided it's time to spread your wings, so you're really honoured, but are going to make the move". If you do decided to take their counter offer do not turn down the new role until you have it in writing and signed with a "from" date and a new job title. Often it doesn't materialise - it's just the boss doesn't want to bother recruiting so it's easier to make you an offer. Which then doesn't get approved.

gendercriticalcomingout · 18/10/2022 19:27

I took a counter offer and I massively regret it

I'm actively looking to leave - I hope to be out by Christmas which is just under a year from the counter offer.

Iwanttoholdyourham · 18/10/2022 19:34

If you had been 100% happy and secure in your role with your current employer, you would have told the headhunter to jog on. However, you said yes, and entertained a conversation. That in itself means something.

Move on, take the new job, and have a blast. You've already mentally left.

user159 · 18/10/2022 19:35

I refused a counter offer. Would have been easier in some ways to accept - lighter workload, closer to home but the reasons I wanted to leave were things that would never change.

In the new job a while now and absolutely no regrets.

NoSquirrels · 18/10/2022 19:36

I think in these circumstances there isn’t a wrong move, really.

You were headhunted by Company B and not actively looking, so they needed to woo you, which they did - they will be almost expecting you to receive a counter-offer. If you decide to stay put, you tell them how amazingly flattered you were, and sorely tempted, but you feel your job is not yet done with Company A and you have a lot of loyalty to your boss etc. That you wish them all success and hope there will be an opportunity at another time etc.

If you decide to leave, your boss will understand whilst kicking himself for not doing more before to retain you. You’ll tell him how flattered you are to be asked to stay but the time is right to make a move but that you’ll always appreciate his mentorship and hope to work with him again the future etc.

Moonshine5 · 18/10/2022 19:47

Move. No ifs, buts offer maybes.

emmama2 · 18/10/2022 19:50

Unless the counter offer is on paper it won't happen.

DeeofDenmark · 18/10/2022 20:00

if Money is a deciding factor you could take the counter offer to your new company?
in your shoes though, I would move but keep in close touch with your boss and return if they offer the next step up.

Didisquat · 18/10/2022 20:04

This also happened to me 6 months ago…. Took the counteroffer and then resigned again last month and started new job yesterday! I agree go with your gut

GettingItOutThere · 18/10/2022 20:08

I had a new job lined up once, got a counter offer for another few thousand from my role and i took it.

I regretted it. I should have left. But go with your gut. No harm in taking the counter off if it works and still leaving!

QuietNeighbour · 18/10/2022 20:14

It sounds like they want you to do more for the extra money. I’d go for the new job.

mansviewpoint · 18/10/2022 20:28

Had the same thing happen, except I was actively looking. Work offered me an instant 5Kon Salary to stay, but for the previous 5 years I'd had 1K rises and they said that was the "best they could do"... The moment they offered me 5K I was insulted and told them so. They then offered another 5K retention bonus. I told them to stop because they had shown me and my colleagues no respect in the last 5 years by keeping our salaries low, and they should have looked after their employees. I knew that if I stayed I could never respect another pay review process ever again. Just my opinion on what I did at the time. Doesn't mean you need to follow.

spiderontheceiling · 18/10/2022 20:34

I think the fact that you were headhunted changes things.
I had similar a few years ago except I never got to offer stage as I'd decided I wanted to stay. Nonetheless, it came up in conversation with my boss and I used it as leverage to deal with a couple of things which had been bothering me. Four years later, I'm still glad I stayed.

Original poster
CounterQueen · 19/10/2022 06:47

Thank you everyone for your comments - it is incredibly helpful reading through them all, and they have to given me a lot to think about.

In a nutshell, I think if my current company already had an existing/planned role that I could move into which would give me the things I am looking for in my new role then that would be great. The issue is, they have never had that sort of role before and it has never occurred to them that it would be something they needed, so it would be me/them creating something from scratch - I imagine this will be subject to a business case/approvals etc and it will be a slooooow process, probably months if not a year or more. I can also see it taking ages to get anything in writing for these reasons. In the meantime, the opportunity at new company which is right there for the taking now will have been lost (probably forever as they will not be impressed if I go back on my acceptance).

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 19/10/2022 07:32

Congratulations on your new job offer!.
I was in a similar situation last year, I applied for 2 jobs at similar times, got offered the 1st, current emoloyer immediately offered £6k rise to just over match job 1 ..... after much deliberation I stayed....almost immediately regretted it .....approx 1 month later got offered job 2, snapped it up and massively miffed off my manager but sometimes you just have to be selfish!.
9 months later and it was the best decision I could have made.
I would go with your gut - lack of confidence in my ability and feeling very comfortable in my old job made me stay.

Original poster
CounterQueen · 19/10/2022 10:05

Thanks @ilikewinter- I can see the same happening to me to be honest.

Having slept on it I am back to feeling genuinely excited/butterflies about the new job. My thoughts about staying with the current job are driven mostly by guilt at letting my boss down and fear of change, but I don’t think those are good reasons to stay.

OP posts:
TimidOwl · 19/10/2022 10:09

Get both offers in writing and negotiate with both employers. Pick what works best for you

Figgygal · 19/10/2022 10:10

Go with that gut op
I dont think anyone here has stayed and then not regretted it (other than incase of pregnancy)

pippinsleftleg · 19/10/2022 10:20

CounterQueen · 19/10/2022 06:47

Thank you everyone for your comments - it is incredibly helpful reading through them all, and they have to given me a lot to think about.

In a nutshell, I think if my current company already had an existing/planned role that I could move into which would give me the things I am looking for in my new role then that would be great. The issue is, they have never had that sort of role before and it has never occurred to them that it would be something they needed, so it would be me/them creating something from scratch - I imagine this will be subject to a business case/approvals etc and it will be a slooooow process, probably months if not a year or more. I can also see it taking ages to get anything in writing for these reasons. In the meantime, the opportunity at new company which is right there for the taking now will have been lost (probably forever as they will not be impressed if I go back on my acceptance).

So you current employer hasn’t actually got the job they are offering you? Definitely take the new job.

Original poster
CounterQueen · 19/10/2022 13:38

@pippinsleftleg Thank you - when you put it like that, it’s a no-brainer isn’t it? 😬

OP posts:
QuietNeighbour · 19/10/2022 18:50

When you confirm your notice ask them to let you know when the new job they’re creating is advertised - you can apply if still interested a year from now 😆

Original poster
CounterQueen · 19/10/2022 19:47

😂- @QuietNeighbour

OP posts:
yoshiblue · 20/10/2022 07:51

Having read your thread I don't trust your current company to come through with their promises. Sounds like red tape and process means they won't be able to counteroffer you in writing so that's not good enough. Take the new job and don't look back.

Crystaly · 20/10/2022 07:59

Take the new job