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Original poster

How to deal with absent colleague?

33 replies

BettyBooBoobs · 29/09/2022 16:49

Without wanting to go into too many details (will be outing), I am trying to figure out how I deal with the situation of an absent colleague. I was appointed to a new role in my organisation at the beginning of the year, and a new person was recruited into the same role for a different part of the organisation. One of the first things this person told me (we share an office) is that they suffer from PTSD. They have missed an enormous amount of work this year (about 25% absence) and on one occasion, sent me a WhatsApp that they were having such a hard time that they were thinking of doing something drastic. This was dealt with through the appropriate channels at work. During their absences, people from the other part of the organisation have come to me for assistance because this person is unreliable. As a result, my workload has increased and I have been put under enormous pressure. I have had regular conversations with my boss about this, and my boss has been very supportive and helpful in navigating this situation. The person has returned to work and I have been invited to a meeting with them and their manager. I asked for my manager to be included in the meeting, and this has been done. There is no agenda for this meeting, and when I asked the colleague what it is about, they said that is it about working together going forward. This is a huge simplification of the situation, but I would appreciate any advice about how to tackle this meeting next week. Thoughts?

OP posts:
HappyHamsters · 29/09/2022 16:56

Do you know why you have been invited to the meeting. Its the managers job to manage long term sickness and performance reviews.

Surtsey · 29/09/2022 16:58

You need to be clear in what outcome you want for you. Not them, but you. Think about the level of workload you are prepared to take on, and remember that their issues are not your problem to resolve.

Original poster
BettyBooBoobs · 29/09/2022 17:03

HappyHamsters · 29/09/2022 16:56

Do you know why you have been invited to the meeting. Its the managers job to manage long term sickness and performance reviews.

I think because the hope was that we would work together. I'm worried that there's going to be an expectation that I mentor and support this person, and honestly, I don't have the capacity to do so. (That is my first question for the meeting, btw!)

OP posts:
Original poster
BettyBooBoobs · 29/09/2022 17:05

Surtsey · 29/09/2022 16:58

You need to be clear in what outcome you want for you. Not them, but you. Think about the level of workload you are prepared to take on, and remember that their issues are not your problem to resolve.

Thank you. I couldn't agree more! I am quite assertive, but in light of this person's mental health challenges, I don't want to be the person who's honest feedback / perceived lack of support etc. pushes them over the edge.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 29/09/2022 17:15

I think that it is actually inappropriate for them to perhaps ask you about how/if you can support in front of the other person. Be entirely non committal. Say you need some time to think things through and this is the first time I am being presented with this so I would like to think about it.

Then after speak to the managers and say that it is in appropriate for you to take on any form of support or mentor role and that should be for one of the mangers. If it is to shift work over to you then decide whether this is feasible and if it is feasible and you want it ask for a pay rise for the increased work load/responsibility.

Hillrunning · 29/09/2022 17:23

My assumption would be that it is a meeting to make sure that everything you picked up in her absence is fully handed back to her. That's a good thing surely?

Hearthnhome · 29/09/2022 17:27

I have the feeling you are going to be put on the spot.

A meeting with no clear agenda, that your colleagues manager is attending, but your manager wasn’t invited to raised some flags for me.

I am guess that either their manager is going to say colleague feels pushed out by you. Or asking you to do more of her work or support her.

But non of these should have excluded your manager if hers was attending.

DoYouRememberDiedreBarlow · 29/09/2022 17:39

One tip from reading your post would be to keep your opinions on the person's health/ability to do job to yourself in the meeting.

DoYouRememberDiedreBarlow · 29/09/2022 17:40

As in, talk factually about the workload and the expectations for you, not what you have said upthread, that's not your place.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/09/2022 17:45

Why can’t your manager and theirs meet first then yours discuss it with you? I’d be much more comfortable with that. Sounds fishy.

thinkfast · 29/09/2022 17:48

Have you asked your manager if they know what the purpose of the meeting is OP?

Shinyandnew1 · 29/09/2022 17:54

I have been invited to a meeting with them and their manager. I asked for my manager to be included in the meeting

Does your manager have any idea what the purpose of the meeting is?

Acheyknees · 29/09/2022 18:00

I would go into the meeting and express how happy you are that colleague is back as your workload had become unsustainable. Now they are back you can concentrate on your job which you are are so looking forward too.

Original poster
BettyBooBoobs · 29/09/2022 18:02

Thanks for the feedback so far. Lots of good points raised. I asked my manager as soon as I could if they knew about the meeting. They didn't. I have a very good relationship with my manager and I said that I would ask for them (my manager) to be at the meeting. This was done. My manager and I are going to have a pre-meet. In the meantime, the fishy smell and red flags set off my BS detector! Before I have any meetings I need to decide what my strategy is going to be.

OP posts:
Original poster
BettyBooBoobs · 29/09/2022 18:03

Acheyknees · 29/09/2022 18:00

I would go into the meeting and express how happy you are that colleague is back as your workload had become unsustainable. Now they are back you can concentrate on your job which you are are so looking forward too.

I like it!

OP posts:
Original poster
BettyBooBoobs · 29/09/2022 18:04

Acheyknees · 29/09/2022 18:00

I would go into the meeting and express how happy you are that colleague is back as your workload had become unsustainable. Now they are back you can concentrate on your job which you are are so looking forward too.

I like it!!

OP posts:
Princessglittery · 29/09/2022 18:13

I would have a copy of your job description as well as a list of the extra work, questions you have already taken on for her role.

Be very clear you are at, if not over capacity, and it is not feasible for you to take any additional work, including mentoring/coaching which takes a lot more time than people think.

A possibility is they want to job carve her role. Think about which tasks she is struggling with/not doing and who else in the organisation can take them on I.e. share the load.

Don’t be afraid to suggest they need to recruit someone, possibly part time, to take on the part of the role your colleague can’t do.

You can also be helpful as a way of pushing back. The following could help you point your/her manager in the right direction.

The question is whether or not your colleague is disabled, from the sounds of it she probably is. The difficulty is you are not entitled to know.

Ask/suggest an Occupational Health assessment is done, this should provide advice on how her manager can support her and potential reasonable adjustments. www.hse.gov.uk/health-surveillance/occupational-health/buying-support-from-professionals.htm

Ask/suggest has she researched if a support worker could help her.

Mention that you understand Access to Work can provide advice and guidance as well as funding for a support worker or other reasonable adjustments. www.gov.uk/access-to-work

What you are doing is saying no to extra work but these are options, so you come across as supportive.

HappyHamsters · 29/09/2022 18:14

I like that appriach too but I suspect they are looking at ways you can take on more of your colleagues workload as a way of supporting them which is not your responsibility .

FawnDrench · 29/09/2022 20:09

It all sounds rather vague and rambly and rather unprofessional.
I would request a broad agenda and if one isn't forthcoming, circulate a few items / expectations of your own.

What is the meeting supposed to achieve / what are the outputs?

I would expect such a meeting to have some record of its contents and I'd definitely email all participants beforehand to ascertain how this will be accomplished - just good practice really and helpful for everyone.

If necessary take notes yourself if you really have to - or could you request that the meeting is recorded.
It's important to note what decisions are made and exactly who is going to do what and by when etc.
Otherwise it will just be a management exercise and a complete waste of time.

Original poster
BettyBooBoobs · 29/09/2022 21:48

Princessglittery · 29/09/2022 18:13

I would have a copy of your job description as well as a list of the extra work, questions you have already taken on for her role.

Be very clear you are at, if not over capacity, and it is not feasible for you to take any additional work, including mentoring/coaching which takes a lot more time than people think.

A possibility is they want to job carve her role. Think about which tasks she is struggling with/not doing and who else in the organisation can take them on I.e. share the load.

Don’t be afraid to suggest they need to recruit someone, possibly part time, to take on the part of the role your colleague can’t do.

You can also be helpful as a way of pushing back. The following could help you point your/her manager in the right direction.

The question is whether or not your colleague is disabled, from the sounds of it she probably is. The difficulty is you are not entitled to know.

Ask/suggest an Occupational Health assessment is done, this should provide advice on how her manager can support her and potential reasonable adjustments. www.hse.gov.uk/health-surveillance/occupational-health/buying-support-from-professionals.htm

Ask/suggest has she researched if a support worker could help her.

Mention that you understand Access to Work can provide advice and guidance as well as funding for a support worker or other reasonable adjustments. www.gov.uk/access-to-work

What you are doing is saying no to extra work but these are options, so you come across as supportive.

Thank you. There is lots of helpful advice here.Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
BettyBooBoobs · 29/09/2022 21:49

HappyHamsters · 29/09/2022 18:14

I like that appriach too but I suspect they are looking at ways you can take on more of your colleagues workload as a way of supporting them which is not your responsibility .

That's what I thinkHmm

OP posts:
Minesababycham · 29/09/2022 22:10

I have experienced MH problems in the workplace personally and have managed people with MH problems to return to work. This feels like it has the potential of being managed inappropriately from the start.

Sounds like to help your colleague back to with them think she needs some additional support - to be expected, all good.

To invite you to a meeting with her and her line manger does not sound good - you run the risk of the expectation of her adjustments being wholly placed on you and making it v difficult for you to say anything other than yes!

It’s for her line manager and your line manager to have a conversation first to discuss the issue and consider possibilities - and the effects on both parties. Then your line manager either agrees and chats to you, or doesn’t and suggests alternative pathways need to be found.

I’d suggest postponing meeting until your LM and theirs have a chance to chat.

it could be that what they want to suggest is great and dandy - but going about it the way they’re doing it risks making through situation difficult for you and your colleague if they’re suggesting things that aren’t going to work for you both!

HappyHamsters · 30/09/2022 10:19

I would talk to your LM and say you feel it is their responsibility to discuss a return to work meeting with your colleague and that you expect them to manage the sickness and a workload that does not affect your own wellbeing or work. They then come back to you if they plan to share the work or expect you to mentor or take on extra work. They have put you in a very difficult position which sounds unfair, the colleague is new and they need to performance support them.

Hearthnhome · 30/09/2022 10:57

One thing you can do straight away is ask for an agenda for the meeting so you can prep. one of 3 things will happen

they will send one and you can prep properly with you managers back up.

They don’t send one and ignore you, in which case you know it’s a bit of a set up to catch you off guard.

They make up a fake agenda, wasting your time, to still try and catch you off guard. Which would show them up. And your manager can deal with that through the correct channels.

dontputitthere · 30/09/2022 11:12

God this sounds like a stitch up

I'd get your line manager more involved and get them to ask for an agenda too.

Good that you're on good terms. And presumably they don't want you run ragged covering someone else's job too.

Sorry. There's been some great advice further up. I just wanted to say I feel your pain and I would approach with caution. Frankly her line manager doesn't sound like they have your best interests at heart

When is the meeting? (Sorry if I've missed it. Mobile app is being a dick)

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