How to deal with absent colleague?

[BettyBooBoobs]

Without wanting to go into too many details (will be outing), I am trying to figure out how I deal with the situation of an absent colleague. I was appointed to a new role in my organisation at the beginning of the year, and a new person was recruited into the same role for a different part of the organisation. One of the first things this person told me (we share an office) is that they suffer from PTSD. They have missed an enormous amount of work this year (about 25% absence) and on one occasion, sent me a WhatsApp that they were having such a hard time that they were thinking of doing something drastic. This was dealt with through the appropriate channels at work. During their absences, people from the other part of the organisation have come to me for assistance because this person is unreliable. As a result, my workload has increased and I have been put under enormous pressure. I have had regular conversations with my boss about this, and my boss has been very supportive and helpful in navigating this situation. The person has returned to work and I have been invited to a meeting with them and their manager. I asked for my manager to be included in the meeting, and this has been done. There is no agenda for this meeting, and when I asked the colleague what it is about, they said that is it about working together going forward. This is a huge simplification of the situation, but I would appreciate any advice about how to tackle this meeting next week. Thoughts?

I've learned, in difficult meetings, that sometimes listening but silence is a useful response for me. I tend to be a volunteerer, and a bit of a workhorse. But there have been times when I have let people talk, and not jumped in with an offer of my labour.

It is tremendously powerful.

I wonder if they're going to expect you to make an offer of how the 2 of you can work together. Don't offer.

Turn it back, and ask them how they will manage things so that your workload is manageable. Don't say much more (and you have the proof of your over-work etc etc). You don't need to ascribe anything to your absent colleague; you're not blaming anyone.

But just listen at first. Don't offer.

I'm worried that there's going to be an expectation that I mentor and support this person, and honestly, I don't have the capacity to do so. (That is my first question for the meeting, btw!)

My advice is NOT to ask this question until you've heard them set out what the meeting's about, and what they want to achieve in the meeting. Don't offer. Don't ask, either, as that will give away your thinking & your position.

Don't be rude or sulky, but don't co-operate with what you suspect they want you to do. I suspect they're going to do an emotional blackmail on you and try to get you to cover your absent colleague. Try to be immune to emotional/"Be kind"/ "we're a team" pressure.

Make them state clearly & unambivalently what they want you to do.

Then, as a PP suggests, have your job description, and your evidence of overwork etc, to hand, and ask what they will remove from your job if they want you to advise & mentor your colleague. And reserve the right to think about that, as well as require it in writing.

Then ask them what extra compensation (a very American but polite way of asking for a salary increase!) will you receive in recognition of the managerial aspect of mentoring? What extra recognition of your seniority over this colleague will they offer?

Also strongly reiterate advice to have an agreed record of the meeting.

Thanks for all the amazing advice and suggestions. My manager and I have had a quick chat and we are on the same page - say as little as possible, don't offer to help etc. Less is more approach.

Meeting is only next week, so I have time to prep and ask for an agenda etc.

Right at the top of my agenda for the meeting is “who is taking minutes”. It's not going to be me.

Ask for the meeting to be recorded and your manager can ask if they are aware of gdpr rules if they are discussing your colleagues mental health with you and askwhat input have they sought from HR and occupational health to consider reasonable adjustments for your colleage.

@BettyBooBoobs good for you, you need to be able to focus on the discussions not note taking.

I would expect my manager to pick up their phone and ask the other manager what it is all about before the meeting.

Agree with @WeAllHaveWings I'd expect the two managers to actually manage their team themselves.