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Original poster

Manager with tantrums

49 replies

Submarina · 15/09/2022 20:56

We had a new GM join the company a few months back after the previous one left rather suddenly and without much notice (no comment needed I guess). I am one of his direct reports. Now overall he has been quite solid and I have to say astute, and there have been some consequences as a result. I get that and won't even argue with it, the man was obviously brought in for a reason. Things are a bit awkward because he is in his 30s while his direct reports are all older, and I can see that some of us have an issue with this.

I'm not sure what happened today but he totally lost his shit and had a full blown tantrum that reminded me of my son when he was 5 years old. The reason was that it seemed impossible to arrange a work meeting outside of our regular working hours because people had commitments. I know this sounds ridiculous, but he totally lost it and literally shouted down the place and eventually stormed off (I don't think he even came back to the office). Now the anger wasn't directed at me because I wasn't part of this taskforce, but it was still awkward to witness because he was totally out of line.

I'm not sure if I should go to HR and just mention what happened, because he might need some help or time off. On the other hand I don't want to poke the bear and bring damnation on myself. He isn't Irish/ British so there might be some cultural differences at play here, but I'm pretty sure that this isn't normal or acceptable behaviour in Europe either.

My husband is telling me to just stay out of his way and avoid any conflict, but after today's display I think it might be a question of time until every one of us gets this treatment.

Is there anybody else here who has/ had had a volatile manager who is unfortunately at a high level? Just trying to get an ideas how other people dealt with this. Thank you

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 15/09/2022 21:11

If it doesn't affect you it's not your battle to fight. All messengers are usually shot, I find.

InTheMiddle23 · 15/09/2022 21:14

Keep your head down. If you think it's only a matter of time, someone high up will surely see it with their own eyes.

Rosewaterblossom · 15/09/2022 21:20

What do you mean when you say he's in his 30s and his direct reports are older so "some of us" have issues with this?

Original poster
Submarina · 15/09/2022 21:47

@Rosewaterblossom We're all older than he is, and I can see that some people are bothered by this. I don't mind it because he seems like a sharp guy but he seems to miss some basic skills..

OP posts:
Rosewaterblossom · 15/09/2022 21:58

The people older than him having issues about it sound awful! I hate that dynamic. Age on its own most certainly does not mean they have any cause to have issue with him or anyone. There's nothing worse than a senior manager looking down their nose at younger managers!

Original poster
Submarina · 16/09/2022 08:24

Yes, I personally don't have an issue with him as such, but screaming and shouting is not OK either. He doesn't seem to understand that other people have commitments outside of work, so somebody probably needs to have a word. I guess I'll see what it will be like in the office today. I think a lot of people had noticed it.

OP posts:
confusednewbie · 16/09/2022 08:26

HR support the employer not the employees so he would have their support to carry out investigations etc

confusednewbie · 16/09/2022 08:27

Submarina · 16/09/2022 08:24

Yes, I personally don't have an issue with him as such, but screaming and shouting is not OK either. He doesn't seem to understand that other people have commitments outside of work, so somebody probably needs to have a word. I guess I'll see what it will be like in the office today. I think a lot of people had noticed it.

Depends what contracts say. If staff are meant to attend out of hours meetings or not.

Original poster
Submarina · 16/09/2022 08:35

I am sure we all have the same clauses in our contracts, so it does state that we might have to work outside of the regular working hours occasionally if the need comes up. The issue was more that so many people had things on which they could not move. He did point out that this never seems to be problem if a work dinner comes up, but that's not quite true because people also give those a miss if they have commitments on.
I understand why he was annoyed, but he didn't react well when he didn't get what he wanted.
OK, I will just keep my head down. Thanks

OP posts:
Rosewaterblossom · 16/09/2022 18:28

I can see why he's annoyed if it's in the work contract that employees may need to attend out of hours work meetings and I see his point about employees being available for dinners but "busy " for meetings. It's a bit like in the company I work for where staff are supposed to put in the system when they are off sick but "forget," yet the never forget to put in their overtime on the system.

Him going off on one sounds like someone needs to have a word, but it also sounds like the guy is working up against it with employees being "busy" when he's trying to arrange a meeting and having to report to people who are looking their down their nose at him for being younger than them. 30s is certainly not too young to be a manager so it just sounds like a bunch of egotistical, insecure people he's reporting to. I can see why the last person left quickly!

SnoozyLucy7 · 16/09/2022 19:16

Rosewaterblossom · 16/09/2022 18:28

I can see why he's annoyed if it's in the work contract that employees may need to attend out of hours work meetings and I see his point about employees being available for dinners but "busy " for meetings. It's a bit like in the company I work for where staff are supposed to put in the system when they are off sick but "forget," yet the never forget to put in their overtime on the system.

Him going off on one sounds like someone needs to have a word, but it also sounds like the guy is working up against it with employees being "busy" when he's trying to arrange a meeting and having to report to people who are looking their down their nose at him for being younger than them. 30s is certainly not too young to be a manager so it just sounds like a bunch of egotistical, insecure people he's reporting to. I can see why the last person left quickly!

But no one should be screaming, like that, at any one. No matter how good and able this person is, this is actually abusive behaviour. It’s completely unacceptable and someone should indeed say something to the powers that be. If nothing is said than it’s probable that he will act like this again, a fully grown man. It’s just not on.

Original poster
Submarina · 16/09/2022 19:27

@Rosewaterblossom Sorry if I had been unclear. He is OUR manager, and apart from one exception his direct reports are all older than him. He's head of the UK & Ireland org of the company. I would not be ok if I got shouted at like this, even if I can understand his frustration.
I agree that there is an attitude problem in the manager ranks because they are older than him and have more experience, and that's not ok either.

OP posts:
AlsoknownasOther · 16/09/2022 19:30

I took mine aside and gave him a talk on inappropriate behaviour and why I would not be standing for it after he had a go at me in the office.

Rosewaterblossom · 16/09/2022 20:15

Submarina · 16/09/2022 19:27

@Rosewaterblossom Sorry if I had been unclear. He is OUR manager, and apart from one exception his direct reports are all older than him. He's head of the UK & Ireland org of the company. I would not be ok if I got shouted at like this, even if I can understand his frustration.
I agree that there is an attitude problem in the manager ranks because they are older than him and have more experience, and that's not ok either.

Oh OK. In your op you mentioned you were one of his direct reports and also said all his direct reports are older whist indicating that "some of us" had issues him being younger in his 30s.

Confusing OP because it sounds like you are one of his direct reports and also said "some of us" meaning you too, have issue with his age.

Coffeetree · 16/09/2022 20:34

I'm a little surprised at the people making excuses for screaming and shouting.

That said, I worked with someone who screamed and shouted. Everyone who complained (including me) got told off by HR because she "felt ganged up on". She was only screaming because we'd made her angry, you see. So the "keep your head down" people might have a point, sadly.

Caroffee · 16/09/2022 20:38

His behaviour was unprofessional and unacceptable. Somebody needs to report it.

Caroffee · 16/09/2022 20:41

Rosewaterblossom · 15/09/2022 21:58

The people older than him having issues about it sound awful! I hate that dynamic. Age on its own most certainly does not mean they have any cause to have issue with him or anyone. There's nothing worse than a senior manager looking down their nose at younger managers!

Why would you focus on this part of the post rather than the screaming, shouting, abusive behaviour of the manager. Very, very odd.

Original poster
Submarina · 16/09/2022 20:41

@Rosewaterblossom Sorry I was being super unclear there.
Most of us have been there for a while and he is definitely younger than his predecessors so I think people are a bit worried that he was put there to implement "proper" changes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Submarina · 16/09/2022 20:48

Well, I guess I won't say anyting for now and see what happens next week when people either turn up to the meeting or not. I usually speak up when I see something that I disagree with and this doesn't sit well with me.
I might have a word with some of the colleagues when the topic comes up because I also don't think some of their behaviours are OK. It's a tough one

OP posts:
Rosewaterblossom · 16/09/2022 20:49

Caroffee · 16/09/2022 20:41

Why would you focus on this part of the post rather than the screaming, shouting, abusive behaviour of the manager. Very, very odd.

Show quote history

It's not odd at all. It's a toxic work environment when you have managers looking down on managers purely because they are younger.

Rosewaterblossom · 16/09/2022 20:56

Submarina · 16/09/2022 20:41

@Rosewaterblossom Sorry I was being super unclear there.
Most of us have been there for a while and he is definitely younger than his predecessors so I think people are a bit worried that he was put there to implement "proper" changes.

How long people have been there is irrelevant. Some of the most complacent, ineffective, "stale" staff have been in companies for years.. doing the company no favours at all other than looking down their noses at newer staff. Nowadays to survive, companies need a fresh approach and alot of that is going away from "those stuck in their ways looking down on younger staff" and moving forwards with those willing to move forwards. It's happening across the board.. for the survival of businesses.

madroid · 16/09/2022 21:01

If he does it in front of/to you you say very quietly and calmly that you will not accept his unprofessional and disrespectful behaviour and will expect an apology when he's calmed down. You then leave the room.

You then have to ask for time to talk about the 'incident' (he won't otherwise) and this is when you say that you will not accept such behaviour and will expect him not to expose you to it again. Action if there's a next time.

Nip it in the bud OP or it will become a regular thing.

Coffeetree · 16/09/2022 21:01

I think there are some office yellers on this thread 🤔

Surtsey · 16/09/2022 21:16

He's probably fed up with the insubordination and you all treating him like a young upstart.

Rosewaterblossom · 16/09/2022 22:09

Surtsey · 16/09/2022 21:16

He's probably fed up with the insubordination and you all treating him like a young upstart.

This.

And someone questioning why I wasn't concentratiing on the abusive behaviour of said manager. Well having issue about someone who's "younger" in his 30s and having that effect your decision making is abusive behaviour in the work place and the fact in the OP his age was even mentioned and used a factor is completely unacceptable. It shows what kind of workplace it is and why the previous manager left abruptly.