Manager with tantrums

[Submarina]

We had a new GM join the company a few months back after the previous one left rather suddenly and without much notice (no comment needed I guess). I am one of his direct reports. Now overall he has been quite solid and I have to say astute, and there have been some consequences as a result. I get that and won't even argue with it, the man was obviously brought in for a reason. Things are a bit awkward because he is in his 30s while his direct reports are all older, and I can see that some of us have an issue with this.

I'm not sure what happened today but he totally lost his shit and had a full blown tantrum that reminded me of my son when he was 5 years old. The reason was that it seemed impossible to arrange a work meeting outside of our regular working hours because people had commitments. I know this sounds ridiculous, but he totally lost it and literally shouted down the place and eventually stormed off (I don't think he even came back to the office). Now the anger wasn't directed at me because I wasn't part of this taskforce, but it was still awkward to witness because he was totally out of line.

I'm not sure if I should go to HR and just mention what happened, because he might need some help or time off. On the other hand I don't want to poke the bear and bring damnation on myself. He isn't Irish/ British so there might be some cultural differences at play here, but I'm pretty sure that this isn't normal or acceptable behaviour in Europe either.

My husband is telling me to just stay out of his way and avoid any conflict, but after today's display I think it might be a question of time until every one of us gets this treatment.

Is there anybody else here who has/ had had a volatile manager who is unfortunately at a high level? Just trying to get an ideas how other people dealt with this. Thank you

But you can’t behave like this in any setting. We teach our children to use their words and not shout and scream, when things go wrong, why would this not apply to a fully grown man? Yes, his team does sound frustrating, but then he should take it to HR and take it from there.

I had a manager who would scream and storm out when things used to go wrong. For this reason it was a shit place to work because no wanted to anger the boss and be on receiving end of his aggressive tantrums. That made him a bully tyrant. It didn’t matter that on a good day, he was actually good at what he did, because when did get angry he just turned into a bully.

Well it sounds like some people might be complaining to HR tomorrow. There has been some Whatapp stuff going on and one of the colleagues tried to rope me into it, but I will be staying out of it. The only reason I had considered it in the first place was to see if they could maybe help him if he was struggling with stress or so, but I really don't want to get dragged into any complaints now. I now feel a bit sorry for him.

It sounds to me like he had one incident of screaming and shouting which was as a result of the rest of the place being a bunch of arseholes.

And now you've all spit your dummies out and gone po faced about how dare he speak to you all like that and let's grass him up to hr.

You're all a bunch of bullies as far as I'm concerned.

Oh well hopefully he'll have learnt that work meetings need to be arranged within working hours going forward.
Maybe HR can send him on a people management course.

I think if a complaint has gone into HR it would not be a bad idea for you to also contact them confidentially to offer your background perspective. Because I bet the complaint is 'this unacceptable behaviour came out of nowhere' rather than 'this unacceptable behaviour came after three months of us being super defensive pitas because this dude is 20 years younger than us.'

Neither situation makes the tantrum OK, of course, but the team dynamics need some work and that can't be all from the GM's side.

It's never acceptable to loose your shit at work. Never. I'd hesitate before going to HR because HR are usually useless and it comes back to bite you. I'd log all incidents in case you need it in future. I have my own long log on my manager whose extremely volatile. Personally, I'd brush up my CV and start looking for a move. Bad managers are toxic to your wellbeing.

Alrighty then

Why can't meetings be held within office hours?

I saw someone shouting like that at work once, at a junior member of staff, it's completely unacceptable, and really shocked me as there was no-one else there like that and I thought he was a complete twat. Must admit to feeling a little schadenfreude when he got an ulcer a few months later, then he moved on after that.

The meetings are generally within working hours apart from some exceptions, but he wants people to be in the office for a call with the US team. I think he does stay quite late usually and some other people do too, but generally the atmosphere had been rather relaxed.
I have actually left the Whatsapp group because I felt very uncomfortable.

@MaChienEstUnDick I think the complaint will only go in tomorrow unless they change their minds. I'll think about the informal chat with HR though.

If you are shouting and screaming at your stuff than you are not qualified to be their manager, regardless of how talented and capable you are. How would you ever hope for people to even ever remotely respect you again, after something like that, let alone give you their 100% effort.

But they weren't respecting him previously anyway so he's not lost anything there, just that now he's given them some actual fuel when previously they just didn't like him because he was younger than them.

I suspect that no matter what he did or said they would have had an excuse not to go to the meeting even if they didn't have other plans.

Well, the atmosphere has definitely taken a hit and one colleague has resigned. At least that's the official version so I am staying out of all the drama. There is a lot of murmuring behind the scenes, so I suppose we'll see what happens in the long run. It's a pity, but if the atmosphere remains hostile I'll brush up my CV even though I don't really want to leave.

Was the colleague who has resigned one of the people who were concerned about GM's young age?

@Submarina by “proper” changes you mean he was brought in to implement the business plan to ensure business objectives are met. You and your colleagues are reluctant to change, even though the business who pays your wages want you to change the way you work. In your OP you reluctantly acknowledge he is quite solid and astute but this has had consequences that the team clearly don’t like, even though they benefit the business.

Your posts reek of age discrimination and indicate the team has passively aggressively been undermining your manager to the point of absolute frustration. Whilst his outburst was not professional your

I’m at the older end of my working life and have been managed by people a lot younger, I have also in my career managed people who were much older. I have work in a changing environment and age is irrelevant when implementing change it’s about attitude to work.

Given that the meeting is with USA based colleagues it is reasonable, and within the terms of your contract, to meet at a time that suits both teams. Yes it may be an inconvenience to rearrange your personal lives but as a one off meeting with sufficient notice most, if not all, should be able to attend.

You may want to point out to colleagues the WhatsApp messages need to be respectful and contain no references to your managers age, as pp have said your manager may have a claim against you all for bullying and age discrimination.

Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against the GM and I also had no issue with the late meeting. I just don't like to work in an environment where people shout at each other.
I actually haven't had any issues with him (yet), but I do not like any colleagues (senior or not) to shout.
I left the Whatsapp group because I felt uncomfortable with the things that were being exchanged there. I hadn't engaged with the talk previously, but when one colleague spelled out "He needs to go" I decided that it's crossing lines and that I do not want to be engaged with this sort of behaviour.
There are definitely things that needs to change in the workplace, but I don't think shouting is helping.

Don't formally report... HR are theatre performers put in place to safeguard management.

It wasn't directed at you, if one of the people it was directed to want to report, that is their business.

If he doesn't improve consider an exit strategy or a side step to get out from under him........he might also leave, if he continues to be difficult.

HR view complainers as trouble makers.

@Submarina i do agree that shouting is not appropriate. I also agree that it is likely to be a stress response to the way the team are behaving.

You have been sensible in withdrawing from the what’s app group. It is likely HR will be involved and talk to you.

pp are right HR are there to mitigate risk for the business, that is their job. HR should talk to everyone to identify the issues. Likely approaches are:

• Addressing any age discrimination/bullying e.g. diversity training, possibly disciplinary
• Addressing any inappropriate comments etc. on the WhatsApp group, this could be a reminder of standards of behaviour, possibly disciplinary
• Support for GM, this would be confidential
• Group mediation - this can help to allow people to constructively put their point of view across and agree a way forward
• Senior management addressing the team confirming GM has their full support for changes etc. and they will not tolerate age discrimination and bullying.

If the team start to behave professionally towards the GM, it is probably there will not be a reoccurrence of the shouting.

I had a boss who whilst giving the impression most of the time that he was shy and meek would occasionally completely explode. I absolutely hated it, I sat next to him and it really scared me. Once was in a similar situation as you describe when he had booked a presentation I was presenting at then when I got the invitation I politely pointed out it was my non working day. He shouted so loudly, not only terrifying but also embarrassing. It’s not acceptable and I’ve ended up leaving, no one wanted to work for him.

Well, I think HR are aware but I haven't seen or heard anything official yet. The head of HR seems to ignore when he gets loud and sometimes rude, so I think it's quite clear whose "side" she is on. I'll just stay clear and I won't be joining the flatterers nor the rebels. It's mad how much this reminds me of being in school.
The Whatsapp messages were unprofessional and full of personal digs. It's crazy to think that people send these sorts of messages via company sponsored equipment.

Wow that sounds awful. I think sometimes HR coddles ppl like this because they're frightened of them and just want an easy life.

Well done keeping out of it. Find a new job.x

A client once threw a mega-tantrum on a zoom call. I froze and didn’t know what to do, but my very senior female director waited for a break in his rant then looked at him steadily and said something like “I see you’re feeling a lot of anger right now. Should we reschedule this meeting for when you’re more in control of yourself, or are you able to continue?” He calmed down very quickly.

Anyway I’d keep your head down if it isn’t affecting you but if it is, I’d respond wirh the above and I wouldn’t be afraid to have an informal chat with HR asking for guidance.

This is not professional behaviour and there is no excuse for an intimidating meltdown for whatever reason. None.

He may have been stressed or frustrated, but that is NOT professional behaviour, and there is no way it should be tolerated.

It looks like it is being tolerated for now, but I also don't know if he was sent in to clean up. He hasn't been here for long but he fired one person and another one resigned. I'll definitely update my CV in case anything happens, but it's just sad that this sort of carry on is accepted.