Whole day of work wankery tomorrow, give me strength.

[StrawbHead]

I have an 'away day' at work tomorrow. The whole Department in a room together 9am-5pm for the first time since autumn 2019.

Since our last 'away day', several new members of staff have been appointed and, mostly, shown themselves to be absolute arseholes. Two of them in particular are completely insufferable - think speaking for the sake of speaking at any opportunity, wokery pokery to the point of cringe, mask zealot Twitter warrior types.

One of these areholes is leading a session tomorrow on 'equality and diversity issues'. She has form for bullying.

Since Covid I've gotten used to getting on with my own work without crossing paths with most of my colleagues. I've avoided all in-person, whole-department activities for three years. It's been heaven.

Please give me the strength to survive tomorrow's horror show.

Work wankery.

Thankfully (?) i work at a place right now that openly does not even give lip service to trying to build relationships.

The last work wankery I went to we all had to sit in a circle and say why our professional dream and desire was to work for said organisation. I had a total mental blank then blurted out; 'Because I applied for 36 jobs and this is the one that I got'.

I spend the time fantasising about having really really hot sex. My mind is filthy!

I would absolutely prefer to put my baps in a vice than deal with anything involving corporate or education sector nonsense.

Christ Alive OP, I really feel for you. 'Team building' shite makes me want to cry. I've got a great 'team building' activity - how about we all get on with our fucking jobs and leave our feelings and favourite colours and hidden talents out of it? Sadly at least 90% of my team love all this shite - there's not enough games and activities and fucking icebreakers in the world for them 🙄 I can't bear it - makes me feel like I'm being treated like a nursery child

I have massive aversion to sharing any personal information after an incident in 2020. Everything flipped online and wanker colleagues were concerned that we wouldn't build strong and trusting relationships with our students like in face-to-face times. So we were encouraged to make short animations saying a bit of information about ourselves to build rapport with students.

Colleagues began sharing their efforts as examples. Jeez Louise, these people were out here telling students where they grew up, how many kids they had, where they lived, what they did on the weekends. One colleague shared a 90-second animation with the all-serious email that "It only took two hours". Two fucking hours for a 90-second video where you tell students all about your private life. No. fucking. way.

Since then I haven't uttered a single personal thing at work 😝I'm an international woman of mystery!

At our last meeting, my mentor asked me what my ten year plan was. I said "To get out of the sector. I want to be wrapping up to leave academia this time in 10 years". Not quite the response he was after 😂

Strawb say no more 😉

Don't forget the menopause.
A lot of workplaces are trying Very Hard to be friendly to those who may be menopausal.
This could be great if you want to fan yourself, cry, sleep, or disappear for a prolonged loo break.
And of course it can cover quite a wide age range.

Our CEO had the bright idea that everyone would say where they wanted to be in five years.* Then covid hit and after lockdown they sent around a survey about what staff thought about how management had supported them re work, mental health etc etc during the first lockdown. Now I'm sure this is coincidental but the 5 year plan malarkey died a quiet death.

*Was so looking forward to mine 'being two years into retirement, ' too.

We have one of these soon and I'm just not going and hope no one noticed, I just can't bear the idea ! I've not been in the office since Feb 2019.

I had a feeling 😂

The only appropriate pronouns are fuck/off I think you'll find!

I love the gender question from a pp, please ask that.

Or play woke bingo or something!

The last one I did they kept asking me for my thoughts and responses to all this woke bollocks. I found it very helpful to say “mmm. I really want to take some time, to sit with and honour my feelings, before I try to put them out there for others”

Also “Hmmm, I’m a bit concerned that making everybody say their pronouns could be uncomfortable for people who are questioning, or just recognising their own identities, but not ready to share that yet? So I’m not going to share mine, that way everybody knows that choice is ok too.”

when asked about ethnic diversity/racism issues I responded that “as a white woman, mine really isn’t the voice we should be listening to here, I don’t want to take time away from people with direct experience of these issues”

Basically out-woke them.

Such a shame you come down with a migraine, terrible, unpredictable things.

Just use it as free thinking time and enjoy the free buffet! There might even be some Danish pastries for the early birds.

I knew before you'd said it that you are in academia @StrawbHead

If you had been in my department (which was stuffed full of unspeakable bullying arsehole men - it was the pre-Woke era, but I bet they're fully on the Woke bandwagon now), I would have been pissing myself laughing at our "Twat Bingo". I'd then have slipped away with you during the final "let's repeat everything we've been saying for the past 8 hours for the eleventy billionth time" and gone to the pub to compare notes on what complete arseholes they were.

As you can probably tell, academia wasn't a happy experience for me, and the Away Day in 2000 has scarred me forever.

@GoldenGorilla if ever I get stuck with a wanky day like this I intent to channel your spirit! Those are some of the best wanky answers I've read and with such a generous undertone of get fuc%ed

Our last few away days have been scuppered by strikes, heatwaves, storms and lockdowns. We are truly blessed cursed.

Sympathies op.
I suffered through one of these horrors a few years ago and swore never again.
Those green-based creams for concealing redness can make the wearer look really ill.

Airpods under long hair. Podcast on.

God, this is giving me flashbacks, you have my sympathy.
Can you find it all too triggering and have to take a (long) walk outside to calm yourself down?

A Buddhist phrase that cheers me up in all situations- "thank you for giving me the opportunity to practice patience". Just think it and smile to yourself!

@StrawbHead

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well pmsl 🤪
I'm really sorry you've now tested positive and won't be able to go

Is exactly what I'd do I'd say I haven't felt well all day and in light of being with everyone tomorrow did a test

X

@GoldenGorilla
I am saving the out woke them school of thought for the ideal moment.

I hear you. I feel the same way about work woke wankery. Thank heavens for wfh. I do two days per week in the office but choose the same two days as the older staff who just get on with their work (and don't want to be there either) rather than the woke 35-and-unders.

I bet the EDI session is all about Trans - you could have a lot of fun pointing out what the law actually says and asking for clarification.