Whole day of work wankery tomorrow, give me strength.

[StrawbHead]

I have an 'away day' at work tomorrow. The whole Department in a room together 9am-5pm for the first time since autumn 2019.

Since our last 'away day', several new members of staff have been appointed and, mostly, shown themselves to be absolute arseholes. Two of them in particular are completely insufferable - think speaking for the sake of speaking at any opportunity, wokery pokery to the point of cringe, mask zealot Twitter warrior types.

One of these areholes is leading a session tomorrow on 'equality and diversity issues'. She has form for bullying.

Since Covid I've gotten used to getting on with my own work without crossing paths with most of my colleagues. I've avoided all in-person, whole-department activities for three years. It's been heaven.

Please give me the strength to survive tomorrow's horror show.

Ugh the one joy of lockdown was none of this bullshit.
last time my attendance wasn’t recorded and despite everyone seeing me there I had to do it again! First time my technique was to go my happy place and smile and nod. Second time I was too furious to zone out but also bored which is a weird combo. When they asked me to join in group discussion I said that it made me extremely uncomfortable and they asked me to elaborate but I said no. Wasn’t my department so I didn’t care they thought I wa s weird.
there’s always someone who’s got to ask a hundred questions and argue every point though, does anyone else think they are management plant?

list pronouns on said name badges.

My current strategy is to write the following-

1st person I me mine
3rd person her she

But I much prefer it if people use my name which is above.

Sounds terrible. Why a whole day for it. Some people love the sound of their own voice. 😒

Secret stash of sweets for the am session then the sudden development of a migraine (due to sugar overload) ...

😇

Sounds very tedious. I honestly don't know why some employers are so keen on this utter wankery.

I'm trapped in an office, sitting opposite my manager, sniggering away at all of this.

Freeeee Britney

Can you claim extreme period pain, onsetting (:)) just after the most despicable speaker starts - hold your middle, grimace, go to bathroom - stay there for an hour!
If you don't forget your phone, an hour in the bathroom is not the worst place to be.

At least you're getting paid for sitting through all this tosh, could be worse.
I used to plead an urgent project needed finishing up and managed to avoid some meetings that way.

No real assistance but you have my deepest sympathy! Good luck

Do you actually have to engage with any of it or can you take a book??

Oh christ. I too have managed to avoid such shite for several years.
My aim was always to never once answer a question truthfully or give any indication of just how cool and utterly fabulous I was.
In particular if it was some shite icebreakers- tell us an interesting fact, I'd make it up. Like my Mum used to live next door to Sting. If it was a wanky exercise, what colour are you? I'd just answer the opposite.
That and you need one non dreadful person and you can get through it.

My approach to pronouns is to point out that they are potentially outing anyone who is transgender but hasn't "come out" if they insist everyone write a pronoun rather than invite people to partake.
You could take this further and say, I'll opt out so anyone else who opts out doesn't have to feel alone, 'different', or outed as GC or trans

I do have an ally who also thinks it all a load of old smeg, and also hates most of our colleagues. But he has his own problems. Like the fact he can't string a sentence together without interrupting himself several times, and going off on tangents.

Like "I'm going to go an get a coffee" will turn into "I might... yeah I should probably wait for... but I might just go now... or wait for a break... But I might get... I don't know if I actually want one... But I'm going to get a coffee". That's actually a really good impression 😅

I might fake a period emergency, might add props - do it like the lift scene in The Shining.

Genius. I am retired now <pauses to punch the air> but if there had ever been any official suggestion about putting pronouns in our email signatures my plan was: serious face ON, headtilt ON, ask to see the equalities impact assessment as I'd be a little bit worried about unintended adverse consequences for already disadvantaged groups, the obvious one being women, who already fare worse when people they are dealing with know what sex they are. There was that interesting article about the call centre workers who swapped email addresses ...www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/man-swaps-email-signatures-with-female-colleague-and-is-disheartened-by-way-he-is-treated/R7G4UZBFAKNHBJECY32OAA5ACA/

Good luck for tomorrow, OP. You could try listing all the countries of the world on your notepad, in alphabetical order for added challenge. No breakout groups, I hope. That's the bit I loathe most.

My approach is "I don't feel comfortable with that" and just leave it there. On follow-up, in some circumstances (if I CBA for a fight) I go for your response.

A few years ago, me and DP made it our new year challenge to learn all the countries and capitals of the world so I'd actually storm that one!

I'm trying to learn all British monarchs at the minute so could use tomorrow's meeting to brush up on that revision😅

Ha! Your colleague sounds like me (ADHD). I even annoy myself. 😂

Can you give us live updates of the wankery? I've had to sit through myriad shite school INSET days and it's reassuring that other professions also have to suffer.

Twattery bingo helps with the rage, especially if you have an ally's eye to catch (as long as you don't get the giggles and accidently fart from trying to hold them in, as I once did...).

Aah work wankery, one of those things I'll never miss now I'm retired.

I think I got through them with my notebook where I would be planning the next batch of stuff, eating biscuits and drinking coffee really slowly and a good friend at the side of me to write sarcastic comments to, that were rubbed out once read.

I once remember being told at one of these 'ooh look at you making notes about today, you're keen' - I was scribbling down anagrams from a puzzle page from a paper I'd read on the train and taken with me hidden in my notebook. So there's that as well.

At another really fucking tedious management conference, one bloke was wanging on about total bollocks at the white board and the director looked at me like 'make him stop' and I was 'you fucking hired him' and he said 'i did, didn't i'. You have to sit with people that you can let off steam with.

I will stare out of the window, I will nod where appropriate, I won't argue, I won't engage.

This

Maybe find a positive. Sit with a colleague you used to enjoy the company of.

As soon as I saw the words' work wankery' I just knew it had to be an away day.

No solid advice as such but I suggest you simply raise a quizzical eyebrow every time nonsense is spouted, which will be often.

Sounds like the NHS

Take a furby in , hide it on top of a cupboard, it’ll interrupt their inane waffle with its inane waffle and it’ll be hilarious.
Im fully freelance now and shall remain so until the end of my working days and these meetings constitute a solid chunk of the reason.

I was actually slightly relieved to have a mammogram on my last team away day so missed it. It really helped off set the fear. Whenever I felt myself spiralling in terror I thought “oh well could be worse, could be in novatel with my colleagues”

@Ladyofthelake53 It's not NHS. It's.... dun dun dun....academia 💀

Love you furby idea @Overthisnow98 I don't own a furby though, sadly. Do you think I can source a furby in the next 15 hours before I arrive at work!?

I'll try and live update throughout the day tomorrow. Then I'll do a full debrief in the evening.