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Original poster

My partner doesn't like my new job

34 replies

rebok · 25/08/2022 13:45

I have just started a new job with shift pattern changes, latest I'll finish is 8pm. Both DD and DS are in school/preschool. My DH works full time but wis always gone in the evenings. On my late shifts he will have to bath, feed and do bedtime with kids. He's angry that I'll be sometimes working late and explained if I can't adjust my shift patterns I should quit or it will affect our relationship.

It's a new job so I don't want to cause problems, should I ask them at work to change hours? Or should I explain to my partner that he needs to help me out?

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 25/08/2022 13:47

Presume they are his kids so he isn't helping you out, its called parenting.

Did you discuss the shifts when you applied for the job with him, why is he gone every evening?

Surtsey · 25/08/2022 13:47

Help you out?

They are his kids too.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 25/08/2022 13:48

Exactly what @Youcancallmeirrelevant said. Or short version - WTF?

EmmaH2022 · 25/08/2022 13:49

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 25/08/2022 13:47

Presume they are his kids so he isn't helping you out, its called parenting.

Did you discuss the shifts when you applied for the job with him, why is he gone every evening?

I thought that might be auto correct for "home" every evening.

are they his children?

girlmom21 · 25/08/2022 13:49

Did you discuss the hours before you accepted the job?

Original poster
rebok · 25/08/2022 13:50

rebok · 25/08/2022 13:45

I have just started a new job with shift pattern changes, latest I'll finish is 8pm. Both DD and DS are in school/preschool. My DH works full time but wis always gone in the evenings. On my late shifts he will have to bath, feed and do bedtime with kids. He's angry that I'll be sometimes working late and explained if I can't adjust my shift patterns I should quit or it will affect our relationship.

It's a new job so I don't want to cause problems, should I ask them at work to change hours? Or should I explain to my partner that he needs to help me out?

Sorry I meant to say he's HOME every evening.

In my interview they said it would be 6pm latest but I change when I started.

He's angry about me being late home I think it's cause he'll have to look after the kids by himself. They are his children. He's threatened leaving over it

OP posts:
vegang · 25/08/2022 13:52

He's threatened leaving because he has to look after his kids?! Do you want to stay with him?

EmmaH2022 · 25/08/2022 13:53

I find that totally unacceptable

have you asked what he'd do if you were ill etc

or ask him why he agreed to have children.

AverageJoan · 25/08/2022 13:53

He's threatened to leave because he has to occasionally look after his own children? Hmm

J0y · 25/08/2022 13:53

Yes, are they his children?
You aren't married so he isn't giving you that protection and is sabotaging your chances to earn (save).
If this is the case you'd be better off on your own.

Somanysocks · 25/08/2022 13:54

Wow, he needs to step up, they're his kids, it may do them all good for him to be responsible for them occasionally

Floweryflora · 25/08/2022 13:54

I think they are married she refers to him as her husbanc

i can’t get my head round this he’s threatening to leave so he doesn’t need to look after his own children?

Youaremysunshine14 · 25/08/2022 13:55

He's angry about me being late home I think it's cause he'll have to look after the kids by himself. They are his children. He's threatened leaving over it

Ask him to explain how his leaving because he doesn't want to look after his kids a couple of hours extra a week tally with him having them at weekends and overnights as part of shared custody?

Original poster
rebok · 25/08/2022 13:56

EmmaH2022 · 25/08/2022 13:53

I find that totally unacceptable

have you asked what he'd do if you were ill etc

or ask him why he agreed to have children.

He's been okay minus the odd bit of laziness or bickering but he's just been threatening to leave or not help out if I can't change my shifts or quit my job.

I thought his attitude wasn't right about it so I posted for some advice x

OP posts:
Anothernamechangeplease · 25/08/2022 13:58

How many nights per week is he having to see to the kids? If it's 3 or 4, then surely that's just his fair share. If more than that, I guess it depends on how everything else is divvied up between you.

The default should be that half of the childcare/housework/earning falls to each of you. Does he think that he is doing more than his fair share? Do you agree?

hedgehoglurker · 25/08/2022 13:58

Married or not? You refer to him as both partner and husband.

girlmom21 · 25/08/2022 13:58

I'd tell him to leave if he's that much of a twat.

But I'd also speak to your employer and say those shifts aren't what you agreed to and you can't work them.

Mumdiva99 · 25/08/2022 14:00

So you accepted a job which they said ended at 6pm. Now you've started they have changed the hours. Can you remind them what was discussed in interview?

Whilst the other posters are right that they are his kids etc I can understand why he might be annoyed as there was no discussion about this before you accepted the role - not your fault.

I guess the bottom line is do you want this job? Do you rely on the income? If yes and yes then he needs to suck it up.

SharpLily · 25/08/2022 14:00

I think you should be leaving him, not the other way round! Either way, start putting some of your earnings away for when you do decide you don't need to put up with this shit anymore.

Also, if you were told you would be finished by 6pm, it would be reasonable to take this up at work, but it doesn't mean your husband's behaviour is in any way acceptable.

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/08/2022 14:04

Blimey op, you have a bigger issue here than shift patterns. He is threatening to leave rather than parent his own children occasionally? That’s what it boils down to. You are both parents, and should be working as a team - I’d call his bluff and if he goes, so be it - CF.

theemmadilemma · 25/08/2022 14:08

He threatened to leave you rather than look after his own children a couple of evenings a week alone?

Call his fucking bluff and pack his suitcase, you'll be better off in the long run.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 25/08/2022 14:12

He is a useless arsehole.
Say if you are not willing to be a parent or a supportive husband, then it probably IS best that he leaves, so you can get things on track in future without having to figure out how to deal with his dead weight.
Un-believable.

Mouldyfeet · 25/08/2022 14:14

I'd be telling him to leave then, what a waste of fucking space he is.

lunar1 · 25/08/2022 14:18

If he leaves who does he think is going to do all those things on his contract time? He's a fucking idiot.

WinterDeWinter · 25/08/2022 14:18

Ask him to explain why it should be your job to care for the kids.

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