My partner doesn't like my new job

[rebok]

I have just started a new job with shift pattern changes, latest I'll finish is 8pm. Both DD and DS are in school/preschool. My DH works full time but wis always gone in the evenings. On my late shifts he will have to bath, feed and do bedtime with kids. He's angry that I'll be sometimes working late and explained if I can't adjust my shift patterns I should quit or it will affect our relationship.

It's a new job so I don't want to cause problems, should I ask them at work to change hours? Or should I explain to my partner that he needs to help me out?

Congratulations on your new job!
He sounds like a mysoginist. So mum can't do bedtime on her late days? She will do another part of the child's day. That is called joint parenting and it's what all parents who work shifts do. Don't even think of adjusting your job for such a silly reason. You have been chosen for it because you deserve it.

Another man who wants/is happy for his wife to work but only if it doesn't impinge on them AT ALL. Yep go to work but make sure you also do all the wife work shift. He sounds a right catch!

Call his bluff. Hand him a duffel bag and say go ahead.

Sounds like he'll be more use as a weekend dad who pays child support, tbh.

Plus then, when he rolls out some sob story about not getting to see his kids in the evening you have the perfect comeback.

What a complete dick.

What a knob. I'd be leaving him anyway

Thank you for all your advice and support. I no longer feel crazy for thinking he's out of line!

I spoke to my new manager today as they did say different hours in the interview and they're going to see what they can do.

Think I'll try have a chat with him tonight about his actions.

Thank you again for all the support!

OP just wanted to say I get where you are coming from. I've been considering getting a job with shift work and have been met with the same from my DH. When I mentioned it may be every other weekend, he was upset because that would mess up his weekends after working 9-5 M-F and what if he needed a hair cut on that particular weekend...(!)

Despite knowing he's being unreasonable, it's still really hard to get the balance between pushing for something you want to do vs also upsetting the dynamic of the family

OP
You changed the hours of your job because your husband didn’t want to look after HIS children?
You’re setting a dangerous precedent here.

How is he about being the sole earner? Does he give you grief over that?

I think we need more information here.

What hours do you both work? What hours is the pre-school child in pre-school? What childcare do you use?

yes, of course he should look after his own children, but if you have lots of time to yourself during the day and he, say works 7am to 3pm every day and then has to look after the children until you get home from after your shift (which will be later than 8pm) I can see why he might be annoyed, as the division of labour is very unequal.

You have to ask yourself, if the roles were reversed, would HE be asking this? Would any man be asking this? I highly doubt it.

I really hope you have resolved this with him by now, but I also hope he doesn't expect that you're going to have to change your hours or do whatever he wants to fit in with how HE wants things to be.