Voluntarily taking shorter maternity

[fledermausk]

Hi all,

I’m looking for some advice on maternity leave.

I’m considering taking 6 months, rather than the 12 months available. (8 weeks paid, 18 weeks half pay, 13 SMP, 13 unpaid.) This is partially because I’d rather not worry about finances, but mostly because I suffer with chronic anxiety and, knowing myself, I value a routine and function best with a known structure.

I wondered whether anyone had opted to do this, and whether they regret it? I’m mainly worried about judgement from family members/it seeming as though I’m a ‘bad’ mother, when I really feel I will be a better parent if I’m able to keep some sense of continuity.

I was planning on taking nine months but went back after seven as we were running short of cash. About a month of that was accrued AL so I was officially back at work after about six months. I had to give four weeks notice.
Nobody mentioned anything - a few colleagues asked why my plans had changed (as they obviously knew my intended date of return) but as soon as I mentioned money they understood.

I had about 7 months off all together but went back when baby was 6 months old (I had a month off before the birth).

I did it because I enjoy my job and now was the wrong time in my career to have a full year off. I’d rather push on with my career now and have more flexibility when DS is older. There was a financial aspect too but I’m sure we could have hade it work if I’d have wanted longer off.

I didn’t get much judgment from family because my parents generation generally had much shorter maternity leaves than we have now, so it didn’t seem alien to them. I have had a lot of comments though from people around my age. Out of the people who had baby’s at the same time as me I didn’t know anyone else in real life who went back to work when I did nor anyone who went back full time.

What helped me was that I always intended to have 6 months off, I had never really considered having longer.

DS settled really well into nursery and has strong relationships with the staff there. I definitely don’t regret it and I’m happy with my choices. I breastfed and found that was a lovely way to reconnect and have lots of time together even though I was back at work.

it wasn’t available to us but I would consider using shared parental leave next time, where DH has some time off but I go back to work.

Do you enjoy your job? I think that makes a difference. You mention wanting routine to help with anxiety, I know a lot of mums who were very routine focused when they were off with their baby’s and that worked well for them. Being apart from baby can understandably make people quite anxious aswell.

Was there anything more specific that you wanted to know?

I took 6 months - simple finances, I was (and am) the main earner. It was fine.

I took 9 months which felt like the right amount for me. I also used my accrued leave to work pt for the first 2 months to help with getting used to new routines around childcare etc and would really recommend this as it took a lot of the pressure off.

I was also keen to get back to work, but I think 6 months would have been too early - baby wasn’t sleeping through the night yet and moving to mixed/combination feeding was easier once weaning had started. I also really enjoyed mat leave from 6-9 months as baby was much more mobile and excited by the world and we’d developed a great routine by that point!

You can change your plans as pp has already said, but, depending on your work, it’s probably easier to overestimate and return earlier than under estimate and then negotiate an extension?

As for people judging, it might happen (kids tend to bring out the judgement!) but it’s not important. What matters is the right balance for you and your baby’s needs being met. Many many people can’t afford to take a full year if the last 3 months are unpaid & as we rarely know all the ins and outs of others finances it would be really unfair to think less of a mother returning to work before the year.

I took 6 months off finished at 36 weeks and my son arrived at 38 weeks. He was 5 1/2 months old when i went back.

I had to due to money as I was the main earner at the time.

I think anymore time is off i woupd have been bored loved the time with my wee family but I needed to be me again.

I am expecting my first soon, and was considering the same thing, for the same reason as you - I can’t cope without a routine and structure.

But, I have decided to take 11 months and to just make sure I have a routine and structure built into each day. I’m going to plan a daily routine, activities, visits, visitors etc as soon as I am recovered.

Best of luck to you OP.

6 months is normal here (Ireland) as some people only get any form of pay for 6 months.

Personally I found it easier to wait until the baby was 6 months at least before going back to work (so 6.5-7 months mat leave) but that was mostly because of bf.

Do you have to decide at the start of mat leave or can you decide later e.g. 8 weeks before the 6 months ends?

I took six months. I was hoping to have a second baby quickly and worried about my career. The second baby never happened and I kind of wish I had taken another couple of months.

Don't think it's unusual to return to work after 6 months. You are probably overthinking it. People who would judge you badly for it are unlikely to express their views to you so don't give it another thought.

I had 4.5 months off for various reasons and it was fine. Ds settled into nursery so easily compared to those starting at 9-12 months and had a lovely relationship with the staff in the very small and stable baby room. 16 years later we still have a brilliant relationship and I have no regrets

It's fine to take less, BUT my advice is to tell work you're taking the full 12 months.

You usually have to give 8 weeks notice to change your return date.

I say tell work you're taking 12 months because they can then plan the cover for that. All maternity cover contracts will state that they are for 12 months or until you return.

It's much easier for them to let that person go sooner and have you return earlier, than to organise everything for you to extend your leave.

I took six months. I knew I’d be bored stiff after 6 months at home and would be ready to go back to work which is exactly what happened.

With my first I went back after 7 months and second after 9 months. However, I was working part time/as much as I could after a week or so with both.

It's double edge.

I was paid well the whole time, and I don't regret that. I liked to be comfortable and still contribute well to the family home. That was one of the reasons I did it.

I was also in a senior director role, and not working could have been tricky, especially in my industry during covid. I wanted people to keep their jobs. It worked out in the short term. Long term, I was treated badly, probably because I made myself so available, and left under a year after going back full time due to burnout.

I voluntarily took much shorter leaves than I was entitled to -even taking less time than I was entitled to full pay for the first time, so I couldn’t even say it was about money! I loved my job and it was the right thing for our family. I did feel judged, lots of “I could never have done that”, but the reality is that you will feel judged for lots of things over the years as a parent (and will probably judge others lots in return). Focus on what is right for your family and your circumstances otherwise you will send yourself crazy.

I took 4 months, it was fine.

Also if you really like routine, look for The Contented Baby Book by Gina Ford, some of it is out of date, but the routines she suggests still hold..if that is how you prefer to parent (I did with all of my 4 and they were all happy ‘easy’ babies)

I returned today after 7 months with DS2- did the same last time too.

No regrets - finances and mental health were factors.

I also agree with @CMOTDibbler - it’s easier to settle them in nursery before 12m and they really know what’s going on.

I've known people go back much sooner simply because they hated Mat Leave.

It's nobody else's business, you do what's right for you.

I had my dd 18 years ago where 6 months was standard. It was a bit of a shock going back to work but it was fine. As she was late, she went to nursery aged just under 5 months old. No trouble settling but she had every germ going in the first year - though she has been rarely ill ever since.

I did, with both of mine, because I wanted to.

First time round DC was terribly hardwork, very miserable baby and we were both happier when I went back at 10 months rather than taking a year + annual leave. I also I was offered a new job and wanted to get cracking. Was 100% the right decision.

Second time baby was born in lockdown and I got fed up trying to keep two kids happy with very limited options. Again not offered a new job (promotion) and wanted to get cracking. Went back at 10 months again. Again, 100% the right decision.

I'm always honest when asked that I went back a bit earlier because I wanted to, and to take advantage of opportunities offered. It's always been very important to me to maintain my earning power, save for retirement, save for the children. Not particularly 'fairytale' reasons but all very practical...but really, mostly, it was because I wanted to 🤷🏼‍♀️ Never had any outward judgement and to be honest I don't really care if people judge. It was right for us.

I took 8 months both times, partly because I didn't want any longer off, partly because I always intended to share the leave with DH.

DH took two months off with first baby, five with second. He valued the time very much and it was great for both of us being 50:50 parents. No regrets. Incidentally, I EBF both babies and pumped at work for the first few months.

I took 11 months. I found a good routine when on maternity leave. I had a baby activity group or activity for each day to go to ( swimming, a baby and toddler group twice a week, a baby music group, a buggy fit class for us both) which really helped. In the first two months I went to a breastfeeding support group, met with friends. But I could also do nothing if wanted - however, routine helped me.
i worked until two days before I gave birth with my first child, used annual leave to help with finances too.

It's funny how things change in a relatively short period of time. When had my first child paid leave was for a much shorter time and no one would have taken a year off, I had no idea taking less than a year was something people are judged badly for now

Fo what suits your family, who cares what other people think?

I will be going back to work after 9 months of maternity leave but I was ready to go back at 5 months. I wasn’t ready to go back full time because she still wasn’t sleeping through the night but I was ready to go back parting. I have 8 weeks of maternity leave left and I’ so bored, I can’t wait to go back. The only reason I haven’t gone back sooner is because I didn’t have childcare. I’ve also got a new job while on maternity leave, so it wasn’t that I lived my job and wanted to go back to that specific job but I want to be able to talk to adults and not sit on the floor all day.

I took 6 months with my last but ended up going back on furlough for 2 more months so had 8 months off all together.
I'm pregnant again and planning 7 months of but will work 10 keep in touch days during those months.
A colleague only took 6 weeks and her husband took 9 months.
Do what works for you and your family. The financial side plays a big role for me and worrying about paying bills is not a great feeling