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Been blocked and excluded by my boss

58 replies

whydoesithurtsomuch · 10/06/2022 12:26

I work for a large public organisation, and my immediate team consists of about twenty five people doing the same job as me, and two immediate managers. There are two tiers of management above them.
I'd always thought I got on ok with my boss, not best buddies, but jovial, respectful and generally a good relationship.
Earlier this year I had to involve the union because of problems with a client, and police were involved as the problem moved to outside work. My boss was gently criticised for her handling of the situation, but a solution was reached. That has been resolved now, and I hoped that it was just a case of moving on and learning from what had happened (safety implications).
I don't use social media much, but my boss is a huge fan of it, and posts a lot. She insisted on adding the whole team when she came into post as manager, which I thought strange, but just accepted it.
Yesterday, I saw quite a few posts from colleagues from a meal out at a local restaurant, "celebrating the team's success". There were about 18 people there, the majority of the team. I messaged a colleague who I'm fairly close with, and she said people had been wondering why I wasn't there - I told her I had no idea it was even happening! Colleague told me that my boss had arranged it and an email was sent to the whole team. She then forwarded the email to me - sent three weeks ago, and every member of the team except me is on the email.
I then looked to see if my boss had posted about it, and realised I couldn't see her profile, and a little more investigation showed that I had been blocked.
I've been on leave and had only gone back in on Wednesday, working with a colleague who is not a member of that team (providing cover), so hadn't even heard any chat about this.
It looked to me like I've been deliberately excluded, so I asked my colleague if my boss had posted anything, and she had, talking about "all of my wonderful team". I then checked WhatsApp as my colleague said it had been discussed on the work WhatsApp and I'm blocked on there too.
It feels like bullying. I feel like the only kid in the class at primary school who hasn't been invited to the party, and although I feel like I should brush it off, I'm surprised by just how upset I feel. I don't know what to do either. I don't feel like I can broach it with my boss.
It's definitely deliberate too - the email was sent using a particular group email address and I've been unchecked from it, the only one to be so. I feel gutted.

OP posts:
Whatsthestoryboringglory · 10/06/2022 12:36

I think you may need Union involvement again. That is absolutely unacceptable behaviour from your manager and at our work would be a disciplinary offence. I’d talk to your Union and HR.

AlisonDonut · 10/06/2022 12:38

There is nothing you can do at this stage other than to document everything and then decide whether to put a grievance in for bullying. Because it is bullying. Excluding one team member from everything is a sure sign.

She is a bit thick to be honest to actually bully you in ways that can easily be verified

deirdreshere · 10/06/2022 12:41

Yes, this is definitely bullying. Sorry OP, not nice at all.

You may get union involved again and report this to HR.

She's an absolute fool for this behaviour!!! Very immature and silly of her to think she'd get away with it.

ZaraSizeMedium · 10/06/2022 12:46

This would be classed as bullying in my workplace, a very obvious open and shut case of it too!

I would speak to HR and at least get this recorded on file, even if you plan to do nothing else yet other than “wait and watch”.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 10/06/2022 12:48

There have been a couple quite recent cases where bosses doing this have been fined not inconsiderable sums for doing so. It is clearly bullying. You don't have to put up with it.

SirChenjins · 10/06/2022 12:51

What ridiculous behaviour from your boss - did she honestly think this wouldn't come to light?

Yes, this is bullying and you should report to HR and the union. I know you said you don't feel as if you can broach it with her, but do you feel you could you email her for clarification before speaking to the union & HR?

HollowTalk · 10/06/2022 12:52

Of course you can't bring it up with her. Nobody would expect you to do that with a bully. She's behaved in an absolutely outrageous way. I think I would speak to ACAS about this.

user1477249785 · 10/06/2022 12:52

In your shoes OP, I'd set this all out in an email and send it to HR and your manager's manager. This is completely unprofessional and unacceptable behaviour from a manager and you need to involve others to fix it.

whydoesithurtsomuch · 10/06/2022 12:54

I'm glad it's not just me who feels like this is bullying behaviour.
I'm going to have to grit my teeth and email my boss about it. I don't see how there is any way she can deny it. I know I shouldn't, but I feel almost ashamed and embarrassed that I've been excluded like this. I've been in tears over it.

OP posts:
Clymene · 10/06/2022 12:55

user1477249785 · 10/06/2022 12:52

In your shoes OP, I'd set this all out in an email and send it to HR and your manager's manager. This is completely unprofessional and unacceptable behaviour from a manager and you need to involve others to fix it.

So would I.

This is dreadful bullying.

Evalina · 10/06/2022 12:55

If the issue you mentioned was that you raised a concern about a safety matter, then you could have made a 'Protected Disclosure' and the exclusion you've experienced could be a detriment, and a deliberate act of retaliation for raising concerns.

Keep evidence of what's happened, speak to your union and read about PIDA ( the Public Interest Disclosure Act).

Consider sending her a polite note, saying how disappointed you were not to have received notification about this team work event, and that you appear to have been removed from a work email distribution list. Ask her if she knows why you are no longer on the list and ask to be added back on.

I wouldn't mention being blocked from her personal media accounts at all. Focus on it being a work team event and the email group.

user1477249785 · 10/06/2022 12:57

Don't email your boss. She has already shown serious inappropriate behaviour and poor judgement. Go to her boss and HR.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 10/06/2022 12:57

user1477249785 · 10/06/2022 12:52

In your shoes OP, I'd set this all out in an email and send it to HR and your manager's manager. This is completely unprofessional and unacceptable behaviour from a manager and you need to involve others to fix it.

I would too. Her behaviour is absolutely disgraceful. Clear case of bullying.

Xiomara22 · 10/06/2022 12:57

There are usually HR policies in bigger organisations about WhatsApp groups and social media and they should have a bullying one too. Definitely have a word with HR

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 12:58

I would email her immediately and go to HR as well. There's no way she should get away with this nonsense.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 12:58

Take a screenshot of how your email has been unchecked before she can change it. Document everything.

Clymene · 10/06/2022 12:58

Go over her head and to HR. The social media thing is totally relevant too.

I'm not surprised you're in tears about it - it must be unbearably upsetting.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 10/06/2022 13:01

That's awful behaviour OP. I'm so sorry, you must feel really hurt.

I would email her as calmly as possible, no accusations, just something factual like "I understand there was a team meal last night, to which I was not invited. I also seem to have been removed from the work WhatsApp chat. Could you please explain why?" (I wouldn't mention Facebook as that's her personal account.)

Then I'd wait for her reply (or lack of), make no further response to her, then forward everything to her line manager and to HR, and to your union rep.

This is definitely bullying and needs to be dealt with. She must not be allowed to get away with it. This might well be a pattern of behaviour. Totally unprofessional and completely unacceptable.

SatinHeart · 10/06/2022 13:01

whydoesithurtsomuch · 10/06/2022 12:54

I'm glad it's not just me who feels like this is bullying behaviour.
I'm going to have to grit my teeth and email my boss about it. I don't see how there is any way she can deny it. I know I shouldn't, but I feel almost ashamed and embarrassed that I've been excluded like this. I've been in tears over it.

I'd document everything you can and send it to your union rep first tbh.

When you approach your boss the first thing they'll do is unblock you on everything then try and deny you were ever blocked in the first place.

Babdoc · 10/06/2022 13:01

Wouldn’t it be safer to cc your email to HR and to your boss’s manager, or even email them without including your bully boss?
If she sees your email she will probably reinstate you on the team list and claim it was an accident that you were left out originally “I thought OP would still be away at that date, so no point inviting her”, or some other weaselling excuse.

22N · 10/06/2022 13:03

It is bullying and it’s disgraceful, I’m sorry that you have such a bad boss.

Notmytiep · 10/06/2022 13:04

That behaviour is completely unacceptable. How does one even think about doing something like that and getting away with it?
Like others have sad DO NOT email or mention this to your boss at all. Take it straight to HR and your Union. Get ready it may get ugly.

SirChenjins · 10/06/2022 13:04

If you're emailing your boss then I would do it in a very factual way, saying that I understand XYZ has happened and that I was seeking clarification. Once I had the information I needed then I'd go formal. I would keep the SM out of it and any reference to how it made me feel.

If she wasn't willing to provide clarification then I would make sure I included that in my formal complaint too.

If you don't feel you can do that then go straight to HR and the union.

Iamnotamermaid · 10/06/2022 13:06

💯 bullying & totally unprofessional. Take to HR (do not include your boss) & union rep...

They, & maybe her line manager, will take it up with her.

fruitbrewhaha · 10/06/2022 13:08

No don't email your boss. Get all your evidence and email it to HR and your bosses boss.