Working nights and staying awake looking after children

[Em1209]

Hi all,

I am going back to work after having 2 children quite close together, nearly 2 y/o and a nearly 7 m/o. I am going to be doing nights (3 nights each 12h) and then looking after the children in the day due to little childcare.

My DS (2y/o) will be going to nursery on a Wednesday morning for 4 hours which I plan to be the end of the 3 night shifts and I'll only have my DD with me. I plan on doing a Sunday/Monday and Tuesday night.

Had anyone done this long term and survived on say 6-8 hours sleep from the Monday - Wednesday morning? As my DS only naps max 2hours a day now?.

I am doing these shifts to work around my partner who works full time.

Will I survive 😂👀 xx

Have you had a really good look for childcare? Have you double checked your finances to see if you can stretch to 3 days of childcare for both? I'd rather live in abject frugality than go without sleep for days for the foreseeable.

OP, have you worked nights before? I think you are really underestimating the jet lag effect that coming on and off nights has. I’ve been doing them for ten years and it’s only getting worse. I think doing a run of 3 nights is actually better than doing 3 lots of 1 night, but there is no escaping the fact you need childcare post nights, no matter how you split them. Your baby isn’t going to be 7 months forever and assuming she will sleep for hours in the morning allowing you to nap is really risky.

In your situation I’d do Fri/Sat/Sunday nights and try and swap the childcare to Monday. It’s better to do a run of nights rather than break them up and if you get your head straight down when you get home you can get a decent amount of sleep and get up after lunchtime. Anything else would be madness.

You need to use proper childcare. After a nightshirt the children need to be in nursery, childminder or have someone else look after them for the majority of the next day. You need a proper sleep.

No one wants to pay for childcare- it's a huge expense but if you're working 3 nightshifts it's needed.

You'll make yourself ill, you'll be dangerous to drive and it's not fair on your workplace or your children as you won't be doing your best with either of them.

I won't be driving, it's a walk distance to work or a short cycle. My partner has the car x

I did this while my dd was under 1 year until she was about 2.5

I split the shifts so a night shift then two days off then another nightshift.

Honestly, it was alright, cuddles and ceebeebies on in the morning until naptime then head down while they nap. . The battle through until bedtime. People done work 12 hour day shifts then come home and go straight to sleep so I fail to see why nightshift workers are expected to. Its normal to have some wind down time after shift, so getting set up for the day, dropping older child at nursery then cuddles on the couch with younger one until naptimensounds absolutely fine.

The reason I didn't do consecutive nights is that you can't always rely on that nap and it would be dangerous to go back on shift with no sleep. Will you get a break on shift to allow you to get a quick 45mins sleep? Any chance you could put younger dc in for a morning at nursery?

Not impossible. I did it for years with our kids. Between DH and I we both worked full time but opposite days and he did shifts that fitted with mine. Meant we only ever tag teamed on way in/out door, never a family say with all of us there and as I was the one on night shift I lived in little to no sleep for several years. Shit but doable.

I do think it depends on what you are used to though. If I hadn’t been used to it then may not have worked. My work life started as basically 24/7 for weeks on end. No regs in those days so it was very common to work 72hrs odd in a row, no real breaks, a few 15mins here and there. Then you may get less than 24hrs off and you were back to do it all again, and most didn’t even bother going home but just dossed on a bed there to maximise sleep time. So we started from a base of complete sleep deprivation but where you had to be awake and switched on the whole time as lives literally depended on it. If you can do that then getting in, looking after kids for the day and getting a few hours when spouse gets in from work until you need to set off is completely doable, especially if you are only working 5 days a week and have 1 day on the weekend where you get a long solid chunk of sleep while spouse looks after kids.

I have done some night shifts before yes. I don't expect this to be easy, but with the way everything is increasing, families don't have the option to not work and run a home on one income. Somethings got to give, I just don't know what to do 😂🤔😔

She's young so would sleep when I slept. She's a great sleeper x

She is now. But what about when she stops napping in the mornings? That can't be that far off?

Potentially once I've been working for a few months and got a balanced income. I could then look to put her in the same morning as my son..

I think I'm going to do a Sunday night, Tuesday and then a Thursday or Friday. Gaps and using the nursery childcare. And family if they're available which is not always reliable unfortunately as we live in a different town to them all x

The obvious nights to do would be either Friday, Saturday and Tuesday or Saturday, Sunday & Tuesday. That way your husband can look after the children on the weekend while you can properly catch up on sleep before/ after your night shift. I appreciate the want for a ‘family day’ but you’re going to be miserable after a few weeks of never catching up on sleep I don’t see how you would enjoy the time any way. I also don’t see why you should be running yourself ragged on no sleep and having no break from the children while your husband gets to have his weekends full of nice family time (where realistically you’ll probably be doing more than 50% of the childcare). Let him enjoy Saturdays & Sundays with his kids without you whilst you get the sleep you need to be able to work safely and effectively.

Yo sure clearly avoiding the question of the type of job it is as several people have asked. I am guessing it some kind of care work and you don’t want to admit that you will be caring for people without proper sleep.

I did 12 hour nights for years, working every other night and getting little sleep during the day (3 hours maximum) when dc was at playgroup. It was a case of needs must not from choice.
For one hospital job I had a 72 mile round trip - that nearly killed me, luckily it was only for a year.
I didn’t have family who would childmind, my mother refused unless it was an absolute emergency, so it was my only option. I would put the children to bed, go to work, come home and get them ready for school, do the school/playgroup run, go to bed, collect from playgroup and so on.
I don’t know how I survived it!

• Will you be driving to and from work?
• Does your work have anything to do with the safety or wellbeing of others?

If you answered yes to either of the above then it’s not just yourself and your own family you are impacting and you should seriously reconsider before you risk hurting someone.

I can tell you with zero uncertainty that this will not work. Split nights sound like a reasonable option but they are not. I work permanent nightshift with two toddlers, on the odd occasion I have to stay up after work to look after them if husband is working and they aren't in nursery and it's hell, pure hell.

Are you a nurse OP? If you are then this is bordering on dangerous for you and for patients.

A childminder would be able to offer half days if you can't afford nursery, but you need something, your current plan is insane I'm afraid.

I’m sorry your in the situation where you need to consider this OP, I think it will be really tough.

She's young so would sleep when I slept. She's a great sleeper

This is only ever going to be a short term solution. She won’t sleep like that forever so I do think you need some kind of plan.

It’s really common to come back on nights and do a single and then two together with one day of nursery only. I found a very affordable school hours only childminder which worked great. Or do nights Friday-Sunday.

I don’t know if many people are aware that a lot of care workers can’t sleep more than a few hours on nights - their bodies just don’t let them. I love sleeping in the day but others are up by noon and just have to get on with it - you can’t necessarily get out of them. Although if my colleague was planning what you were in OP I would feel very uncomfortable

Not at all. Yes care work. I can't reply to everyone!!

TY

It's do able if you have the right attitude and like you say it's not a want it's a needs must.

I don't have family to help with childcare either, I am my children's main carer but we both need to work to live. There's no other option about it.

Ill spilt the shifts maybe do 2 nights then a 2 night gap then 1.

I don't want my job to end my relationship so I would only work a Sunday night not Saturday and Sunday, I want to spend time with my family as a family lol.

Thank you for your comment, likely the most relatable one xx

I won't be driving, walking or cycling.

It's care work as mentioned. I would never hurt anyone. I run on little sleep as it is due to my nearly 2yo not sleeping through.

I know my body and the hours it needs to function.

Thanks

OP, I wouldn't want a loved one of mine being cared for by someone who misses sleep 3 nights out of 7. I'd want them to be cared for by someone who is alert, can think quickly and respond confidently to emergency situations.

Honestly, I can't see this would be sustainable for any length of time. Your health will suffer, your relationship will be jeopardised and your DC won't get the best from you.

But, have you considered care work in a home that requires sleep-in carers? So you get a bed, you are allowed to sleep but are expected to be on call for anyone who needs support during the night.

I've asked upthread, but have you honestly and thoroughly explored childcare options and any benefits or UC you'd be entitled to?

My dh used to do this with our first but his nightshifts were 2 weekend a month. I worked from 8.30am so he would be home for 7 and stay up looking after him until i finished at 3.30. It was hard on those days but i definitely wouldnt make this your permanent routine every week. It's not healthy for you or safe for the children.

If you do go ahead, try and time the childrens naps so that you can nap too.

I hope it goes well for you OP, I think that it is doable with the right attitude and you will get used to it, I did. It was a case of doing the minimum at home for the working days so easy meals and little housework and catching up on my days off.
If there’s no alternative then make it as easy for yourself as you can 🙏🤗

If you insist then you'll have to do Friday and Saturday nights so you can sleep Sat and Sun day while your dp looks after the dcs. Then maybe Tuesday night if your dp can do the nursery run Wed am. Though I'd strongly suggest putting both into childcare on Weds.

It does mean you and your dp won't have much time together, but despite what the glossy magazines and FB say, you can't have it all when all = quality time with partner, two FT incomes and no childcare costs.

Something has to give. Up to you what that something is.

Why can't you use a childminder like everyone else does? Have you looked on entitledto.com to see if you're eligible for Universal Credit and up to 80% help with childcare costs? Better for your kids, better for you.