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Original poster

After work drinks on a Friday

45 replies

Crocsandshocks · 13/05/2022 19:33

If your organisation had started doing these how likely would you be to go? I can never manage to go as they clash with my kids evening activities and I don't have a ready babysitter. I am a lone parent. I hope it doesn't make me look unprofessional. My boss commented that I couod make other arrangements so that I could come. It's not that easy! Just wondering how likely you would be to go to this kind of thing and whether you think it looks unprofessional not to go

OP posts:

Aniita · 13/05/2022 19:35

Every Friday would be annoying. I'd prefer a Thursday and maybe once a month.

But I wouldn't think of anyone as unprofessional for not being able to go.

GarlicGnocchi · 13/05/2022 19:37

Nope I don't attend these things any more. They are so exclusionary to those that don't drink and have childcare commitments. I go to 4 o clock cup of coffee and cake sessions when they are on.

Invisimamma · 13/05/2022 19:43

I can very rarely attend these things as my partner works shifts so collecting children is on me and I don't work locally. Nobody at work minds it's not compulsory. They do some cake and coffee things during the day instead that are more inclusive.

I always try to get a babysitter for Christmas night out.

Original poster

Crocsandshocks · 13/05/2022 19:44

Thanks. I've worked myself up so much about it. Feel like I should show my face but it's soo difficult. Feel like I will be excluded or sidelined as a result.

OP posts:

Original poster

Crocsandshocks · 13/05/2022 19:46

But to be honest I got way more pleasure from watching my son do after school sports than talking shop.

OP posts:

GarlicGnocchi · 13/05/2022 19:47

Crocsandshocks · 13/05/2022 19:44

Thanks. I've worked myself up so much about it. Feel like I should show my face but it's soo difficult. Feel like I will be excluded or sidelined as a result.

Yes I know the feeling. A few workplaces are realising this and trying things like the coffee & cakes and lunch time socialising. I hope more move to this tbh.

Original poster

Crocsandshocks · 13/05/2022 19:49

Yes perhaps I will suggest coffee and cake stuff! They used to be much better at this and seem to have regressed since the pandemic.

OP posts:

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 13/05/2022 19:50

There's one girl in my team who is obsessed with organising social events for us all together - she's married and seems to have a good group of friends herself but her emails come out and people are like.....

🥱

Another works night out

Nearly every other week

I don't have the time or the money to be honest I'm sure they think I'm a misery guts but I just CBA

Original poster

Crocsandshocks · 13/05/2022 19:52

I'm glad it's not just me. If I had childcare I would go, but I simply can't and I do think it's a bit discriminatory, even if it's meant to be casual.

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Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2022 19:58

I've never had any interest to socialise with colleagues. They were/are not my friends.

Treecreature · 13/05/2022 19:58

Never go. If asked I tell the truth - 'we work together 8 hours plus everyday. I dont need to see you in my free time as well.'

mackthepony · 13/05/2022 20:02

Ugh, no.

Maybe Thursday?

Dazzledrop · 13/05/2022 20:08

We probably do a work night out 4 or 5 times a year, sometimes a Thursday but generally a Friday so that people don’t have work the next day if they’d like to have a few drinks. I usually attend if I’m free but it’s not really discussed if someone never attends at all or declines one etc as it’s optional and supposed to be for those who will enjoy it. Definitely not unprofessional not to go! Although might be nice to try every once in a while from a social perspective for yourself.

Cotherstone · 13/05/2022 20:10

If you’re worried about how it looks that you never go then just be honest and tell the truth, and suggest you have a team lunch or coffee and cakes every now and again. That makes you look like the reason you’re not going isn’t that you can’t be arsed (though I know the feeling!) and that you’re suggesting something else sociable

browneyes77 · 13/05/2022 20:17

Treecreature · 13/05/2022 19:58

Never go. If asked I tell the truth - 'we work together 8 hours plus everyday. I dont need to see you in my free time as well.'

My feelings entirely! And I have said the exact same thing!

And I wfh 😂

Once you clock off, that is your personal time. It is not unprofessional to not want to spend YOUR personal unpaid time with work colleagues.

And I hate bosses who try and make you feel bad for not joining in.

What I do in my personal time is my business. I spend 37.5+ hours a week interacting with my work colleagues. Outside of this is my time and time I want to spend by myself, with my DP, with my actual friends and with my family. Work colleagues can fuck off.

altiara · 13/05/2022 20:18

Is it going out for an evening or just a drink or 2?
I’d go and socialise with colleagues for an evening out (because I like them) but just to stay later for a glass of lemonade, then I couldn’t be bothered with the effort to organise childcare.

Staynow · 13/05/2022 20:20

It would fuck me off that work expected me there all day and were then trying to dictate what I should do with my evening too. Fuck that.

TedMullins · 13/05/2022 20:25

I don’t have kids but I do have a dog who goes to daycare then gets dropped off at mine so I have to get home for him. If I knew in advance about the drinks I’d sort dog care and go. If it was decided spontaneously on the day I wouldn’t go. I also wouldn’t go to things if I simply didn’t want to.

there’s no obligation to be friends with work colleagues, and if you work somewhere where you just don’t get on then fair enough, it would be forced and unpleasant having a drink with them, but I do think the MN attitude of “I’m going to make sure they never become my friends” is pretty churlish. One of my closest friends started off as a work colleague, and she ended up being the person who supported me through a bad mental health period. You don’t have to be out with them every week but to actively block any opportunities to get to know your colleagues better or form friendships is quite sad to me.

Athleticpotential · 13/05/2022 20:28

I wouldn't go every week but if it's a one off thing I'd make an effort to be there.

ystaberia · 13/05/2022 20:30

Do they pay you to go? If not, there should be no expectation of attendance.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 13/05/2022 20:32

I already spend more time at work than with my family so I'm all for avoiding these things as much as possible.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2022 20:40

You don’t have to be out with them every week but to actively block any opportunities to get to know your colleagues better or form friendships is quite sad to me.

To you. Some of us have no interest or need to form friendships with colleagues. We very much prefer to keep boundaries firmly in place in our working relationships.

EleanorRavenclaw · 13/05/2022 20:55

I thought hoped that the whole work/socialising/networking thing based around drinking had pretty much died out with the pandemic. I have backed away from this over the years because of family commitments but also I really cba and I have a life outside of work. I would have thought with more focus on health and well-being and diversity and inclusion as pp have said there would be different options for people who either can’t socialise outside work hours or aren’t interested in the alcohol element. It’s no one else’s business what the reasons are really.

OnTheVurj · 13/05/2022 20:58

I really can’t be arsed anymore, and my kids are teens and don’t really need babysitting so I have no excuse.

I just don’t feel like seeing colleagues or drinking on a Friday night. I want to go home.

Original poster

Crocsandshocks · 13/05/2022 21:51

Yes I hoped it had died a death through vivid too @EleanorRavenclaw

OP posts:

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