Anyone wfh with nanny? What do I need to know?

[Jellybean81]

I'm due to start back to work from mat leave soon - baby will be nearly 9 months. This is earlier than planned and much earlier than the 14 months I was off with my first so I'm feeling lots of guilt and conflict.

I will be working from home most of the time and my partner is now a permanent home worker. To start off we have hired a nanny (she's got limited experience so more a mother's help but I liked how she and baby interacted).

The current plan is for baby to be downstairs with the nanny in one half of the through lounge, dad will be working in the other half and I'll be upstairs working as baby will fuss if she can see me.

Baby is breastfeeding and probably still gets most of her calories from this as she's not too fussed about food, so I'm planning to pop downstairs regularly to feed her. Id also like to block out time to take her to baby groups as I don't know how I feel about the nanny doing this. I think I have FOMO about the idea of baby going out and having fun with someone other than me.

I should have fairly good control of my diary and should be able to make up any time lost.

What do you think of this set up? Is it fair to the nanny?

For those of you who wfh and have in home childcare for a baby how do you manage it?

I agree with pretty much everyone else that your husband needs to move out of the room.

You also need to let the nanny do baby groups. They are good for the baby and the nanny - it can be a fairly isolating job.

No experienced nanny with options would have anything to do with this arrangement. Years ago, my husband who did work from home usde the dining area off our open plan kitchen and potential nannies really hated the setup. We had to drop a wall down to wall off "the office" to get an experienced nanny.

Why is your partner being such an arsehole?

He's made your mat leave difficult and now he wants to make life difficult for your nanny and baby.

Why does what he want trump what everyone else in the home needs?

@Clymene

Why is your partner being such an arsehole?

He's made your mat leave difficult and now he wants to make life difficult for your nanny and baby.

Why does what he want trump what everyone else in the home needs?

Yes, this.

OP maybe you should look into a childminder. That would offer the homely setting you're looking for, and whilst unlikely to be one on one, it does tend to be smaller groups. You're also more likely to get the 'mum' feel that you want with a childminder.

I mean this kindly, but neither you nor your husband have the right attitude to employ a nanny. It's not just a physical problem of who works in which room, you both have completely the wrong attitude. That's fine btw, nannies are not for everyone, but you'd be best to recognise that now and choose alternative childcare than cause everyone a lot of stress/heartache in a few weeks/months time.

Also, I know you're struggling with this, but 8/9 months is a perfectly norma time to go back to work from maternity leave. It's the time many, many mums go back and all this hand wringing over how small she is and how much too early it is, is probably not very nice for those mums to read. It doesn't work for you, that's fine, but maybe less of the guilt over how young she is etc.

As a former nanny, I wouldn't put up with this situation at all, sounds uncomfortable and completely unsustainable.
Is taking more time off work not an option for you? Sounds like the best solution but you'd still have to send DH upstairs to the office!

I'm with everyone else, this setup won't work and an experienced nanny would have said a flat no to it.

A nanny needs space to work in without the parents underfoot making life way harder. We've been nanny employers for many years and were established before COVID and WFH hit, but what makes it work is that both DH and I work upstairs with doors closed and the nanny and DC have the run of downstairs and their space. Also during her work time, we completely cede authority to her and if the DC ask us something, we refer them back to her.

Also you absolutely cannot ban the nanny from "having fun" with your baby without you. You either need to get over that very quickly or accept that having a nanny is not for you.

@Jellybean81

I'm worried now I've made the wrong choice saying yes to going back to work so early. I was reassured by the idea of a hybrid approach - kind of like how it's been on mat leave when baby is with family and I'm off doing something else and coming back in. But maybe I have been kidding myself 😭 I don't think I can change it as payroll have been notified etc so need to figure out how to make myself ok with not having my cake and eating it. The nanny being here won't be like having my mum watch her 😞

Sorry, but it's just not going to be like that. When looking after your child is someone's job, you can't just float in and out as you please on your own schedule. It makes it impossible for her to plan or have autonomy, or indeed ever feel confident or know who is supposed to be in charge for the DC at any given time. She's said yes to this so far because she's naive and has never done this before, but the problems will strike her very quickly, and she'll either walk out or become utterly, utterly miserable.

You need to get over all this flagellation about going back to work. You're doing a perfectly normal thing and your baby will be fine. But you can't sort of go back to work and sort of also look after your baby. Your baby is either in childcare or she is not.

Your husband sounds deeply unreasonable and selfish IMO. Why is he being to difficult? He made your mat leave uncomfortable and now he's planning to be in the nanny's way.

DH and I WFH with a nanny. It works because we're upstairs with doors that shut, and nanny and children have the run of the ground floor. I am very happy for her to take them out and have fun with them. If they are having fun and happy then I am happy and can concentrate on my work.

I think your DH is the problem. You won't keep a good nanny this way, it's your home but their workplace and you need to show them respect.

@TheUndoingProject

I think having to keep a baby quiet and entertained in one part of the lounge so that your DH can work in the other part will be really really challenging.

I think this is a problem with the plan. It'll be very stressful on the nanny and not fair on the child either really.

A fried tried similar and it just didn't work, even when she was upstairs the babies seemed to twig she was there.

It has worked for another friend but only because they have an office away down the end of the garden.

I can't see it working, particular with dad in the same room. The nanny Leon the able to hold the baby back when it starts toddling!

Actually pretending to leave the house and then sneaking back upstairs can work But yes, you have to actively hide from the DC or things are just unworkable. Mine are now at the stage where I can pop downstairs to the kitchen, make a cup of tea, give them a cuddle, and then go back to work, but when they were babies and young toddlers? Fuhgeddaboutit. You have to simulate being gone all day if you aren't physically gone.

Why can’t your DH work upstairs in the bedroom if one is available though? It seems to be that which is making the whole plan so difficult and is therefore making you feel really stressed and unhappy. If he understands that and won’t change such a small thing then he’s an arse.

@Embracelife

. I think I have FOMO about the idea of baby going out and having fun with someone other than me.

Your baby /child will go on to have fun without you at times
As it should be
You want her to have fun with her dad / relatives/ nanny/ school etc yes??
It won't mean she loves you less

As a nanny, this is a red flag for me when interviewing. I was once told by a mother 'I can't get my head around a nanny spending more time with the children than me' when explaining why she'd only want part-time. I declined to follow up. From experience, this insecurity tends to breed control.

As a nanny, this is a red flag for me when interviewing. I was once told by a mother 'I can't get my head around a nanny spending more time with the children than me' when explaining why she'd only want part-time. I declined to follow up. From experience, this insecurity tends to breed control.

Absolutely.