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Original poster

Anyone wfh with nanny? What do I need to know?

65 replies

Jellybean81 · 06/03/2022 22:09

I'm due to start back to work from mat leave soon - baby will be nearly 9 months. This is earlier than planned and much earlier than the 14 months I was off with my first so I'm feeling lots of guilt and conflict.

I will be working from home most of the time and my partner is now a permanent home worker. To start off we have hired a nanny (she's got limited experience so more a mother's help but I liked how she and baby interacted).

The current plan is for baby to be downstairs with the nanny in one half of the through lounge, dad will be working in the other half and I'll be upstairs working as baby will fuss if she can see me.

Baby is breastfeeding and probably still gets most of her calories from this as she's not too fussed about food, so I'm planning to pop downstairs regularly to feed her. Id also like to block out time to take her to baby groups as I don't know how I feel about the nanny doing this. I think I have FOMO about the idea of baby going out and having fun with someone other than me.

I should have fairly good control of my diary and should be able to make up any time lost.

What do you think of this set up? Is it fair to the nanny?

For those of you who wfh and have in home childcare for a baby how do you manage it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybean81 · 06/03/2022 23:32

@BIWI nothing sinister. The tv is behind his monitor and I attempted to watch Bridgerton. There was a lot of fast forwarding!

OP posts:
Embracelife · 06/03/2022 23:33

It will not work for a nanny
To have baby in same room
As dad wfh
So you and dh need to think again
Or take baby to a nursery

BIWI · 06/03/2022 23:35

... but you still haven't answered about your other DC?

Embracelife · 06/03/2022 23:35

Where is your first dc?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/03/2022 23:38

@NuffSaidSam

I'm coming at this from the perspective of being a nanny.

You've had some good advice here from @SpikeDearheart and others.

Basically, this will not work.

It sounds an absolute nightmare for the nanny. Massively unfair on the baby. Unworkable for your husband. And quite problematic for your employer with you taking regular BF and playgroup breaks!

If the nanny is completely inexperienced and desperate she may stick out for a while, if not she'll be off very shortly.

I think you maybe need to work through the issues you have with going back to work and find a childcare set-up that will offer the appropriate separation between work and childcare for you, the baby and the person doing the childcare.

Yep, former nanny's perspective here too. Absolutely no way will this work on any level
Original poster
Jellybean81 · 06/03/2022 23:40

Our first is 7 so it was pre Covid. I was off for 14 months then went back to work (in an office) 3 days a week. My mum looked after him for those days until he was nearly 2 then he started nursery.

My mum isn't as available this time round - the most she can offer is a day and that will be sporadic. I'd like to replicate the at home care as much as possible with nursery from about 2.

Reading the responses from nannies it sounds like the real sticking point will be dad in the room. I doubt he'll move.
We could set the nanny up using the kitchen and bedroom upstairs plus walks out etc. Would nannies expect to have access to a tv?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybean81 · 06/03/2022 23:42

Going back 3 days isn't an option either as I'm going back to lead a big project and we probably couldn't afford the drop in pay

OP posts:
angelsandinsects · 06/03/2022 23:44

How does the set up work for your DH? Why does he want to be so close by? I find this slightly sinister. I can see why he would enjoy wfh and seeing more of his baby than if he was in the office & commuting but wanting to effectively watch what you're doing all of the time is just odd.
I'm another one who can't see the nanny lasting more than a few days in this job, especially an inexperienced nanny who needs to figure things out for herself. And that's before you're in and out all of the time as it's time for a feed or for you to take the baby to a group or you want to care for the baby.
I have older children and an after school nanny. The deal is that they can come in & say hello and then there are two shut doors between me & them and we are usually on a different floor. They also know that the nanny is in charge and has my full support. It still has its moments, particularly with DC2 who will sometimes come to try his luck if he doesn't like something the nanny has said. He gets short shrift! That just can't work in your set up as your DH will always be there and you want to intervene. With us, if I do come downstairs when the nanny is there, then I accept that I am taking over so the nanny leaves whether there's 5, 15 or 90 mins to go before she's due to finish. If she's in the middle of something like cooking tea she'll finish that off but I have never wanted her to feel that I might in some way be supervising her or am in a position to undermine her.

Original poster
Jellybean81 · 06/03/2022 23:46

For the 7 year old we manage pick ups and drop offs between us right now, nanny won't start early enough to do drop offs but she will do pick ups (apart from on days with after school clubs)

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 06/03/2022 23:50

We could set the nanny up using the kitchen and bedroom upstairs plus walks out etc. no you cannot do this. Your dh can be in the bedroom, the nanny needs space downstairs, alone with baby. And to go to groups etc, she isn’t your servant.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/03/2022 23:52

no you cannot do this. Your dh can be in the bedroom, the nanny needs space downstairs, alone with baby. And to go to groups etc, she isn’t your servant

Absolutely.

angelsandinsects · 06/03/2022 23:54

Just seen your update. What sort of kitchen do you mean? If it's a galley kitchen, that won't work. If it's a kitchen with a table, sofa and floor space, that might work. What sort of bedroom is it? Is it a bedroom with a bed taking up most of the room or does it have a sofa bed and a lot of floor space?
I'm really confused what you're expecting your nanny to do and whether you've forgotten that you're current 7mo with soon be a crawling, exploring 10mo and then an 18mo needing to practice gross and small motor skills so presumably you'll want the nanny doing arts & crafts, baking, playing with balls, playing chase, building towers and train tracks, making indoor obstacle courses when it's pouring with rain for the third day in a row, doing messy play and all sorts of things as well as probably having a bit of downtime with CBeebies from time to time and also hosting play dates with your baby and other nanny friends and their charges. Where is the nanny going to do all of that?

ralanne · 06/03/2022 23:56

I think your DH will have to move upstairs to the bedroom and let nanny and baby have the run of downstairs. Baby will be on the move soon, if he isn't already, and it's just not fair or feasible for a nanny to have to try and keep a baby quiet and away from his Dad all day long as he works in the same room. They need to play and sing and laugh and cry and that needs to be ok!

Bubblebathpanda · 06/03/2022 23:59

I’ve been a nanny for a long time, I’ve worked with many parents that WFH (before Covid times!) What you are suggesting is honestly ridiculous and not fair on your dc or the nanny!

Original poster
Jellybean81 · 06/03/2022 23:59

I'm worried now I've made the wrong choice saying yes to going back to work so early. I was reassured by the idea of a hybrid approach - kind of like how it's been on mat leave when baby is with family and I'm off doing something else and coming back in. But maybe I have been kidding myself 😭
I don't think I can change it as payroll have been notified etc so need to figure out how to make myself ok with not having my cake and eating it. The nanny being here won't be like having my mum watch her 😞

OP posts:
BIWI · 07/03/2022 00:02

Have you actually bothered to discuss any of this with your nanny?

That's the critical thing! We can all say what we thing/would like - but if you can make it work with her, then that's the most important thing.

Original poster
Jellybean81 · 07/03/2022 00:05

Nanny has seen the house and the space and was happy with it, but that's different to working in the set up. I'm heeding everything that has been said

OP posts:
FlyingIsEasy · 07/03/2022 00:05

It was a bit unusual when you said this but I thought he might be a bit naive about how uncomfortable it could make you

"I haven't felt able to relax, watch tv etc...I've asked him to move to another room but the set up really works for him"

Then you said this

"Reading the responses from nannies it sounds like the real sticking point will be dad in the room. I doubt he'll move."

If working where he is currently matters more to him than providing an environment where your nanny (or you, for that matter!) can be comfortable, then alarm bells should be ringing. You're asking him to move to an upstairs bedroom, that's all.

What will you both do if your nanny walks out unexpectedly? Surely you want an optimal environment for her and your baby?

FlyingIsEasy · 07/03/2022 00:08

And just in case I come across as overly negative, I do think you can make this work. I just think your partner needs to do some compromising, too and you both need to impose some boundaries.

Think of your nanny more like having 1:1 onsite childcare in your office, not your mum.

Original poster
Jellybean81 · 07/03/2022 00:10

@FlyingIsEasy thanks that's really helpful

OP posts:
Embracelife · 07/03/2022 00:12

Would nannies expect to have access to a tv?

For her to watch bridgerton?

Or for your child to watch cbeebies?
What did your older dc do at that age?

perimenofertility · 07/03/2022 00:20

"I've asked him to move to another room but the set up really works for him and he enjoys being close by - I doubt he will move for the nanny."

He might have liked this set up when it was you, his wife, at home, but he needs to respect that this is now his nanny's work space. It's completely unfair to expect the nanny to work properly in the same space as him working.

Sherrystrull · 07/03/2022 00:40

I think you need to consider a nursery: I still breastfed both of mine at 9 months. I fed them before leaving for work in the morning, after getting home and then before bed. They fed much more than that on days I was at home but when I was at work they adapted and had porridge/ extra food to compensate. It worked fine.

escapingthecity · 07/03/2022 03:07

We have had a nanny while WFH and I'd add to the chorus saying this won't work. You've thought about what's best for you, but not sure what's best for DC and your nanny. For it work being in the house while your nanny works, you need a very clear boundary between your work time and your family time. Downstairs needs to be nanny/baby space during the day. A strict routine also works best, so that means no popping in and out to see baby or BF. Can you BF morning and evening and express so nanny can give DC a bottle during the day?

autienotnaughty · 07/03/2022 04:01

I've worked in childcare personally I wouldn't want to be in one room all day I would definitely want the freedom to go out, do activities etc. I also would feel uncomfortable with one of employees working in same room.

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