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Original poster

Have you been as successful as you could have been?

62 replies

iwanttobeonleave · 19/01/2022 10:02

If not, why do you think that was? What held you back in your career?

Or looking at it the other way, what made or helped you be as successful as you are?

I've been mulling over why I don't run a FTSE100 company (Wink), and why some people make it and others don't.....

OP posts:
Original poster
iwanttobeonleave · 19/01/2022 10:04

For me, I think mental health has played a massive role, stemming from an unhappy childhood and poor MH in the family.

OP posts:
BeMoreGoldfish · 19/01/2022 10:05

No I don’t. And it makes me very sad.

I’m slowly coming to terms with it though.

Life is too short and no one will care when I die! They’ll miss me for me not my success or lack of Grin.

Twizbe · 19/01/2022 10:06

I'm too lazy and don't really have a passion - at least not one I've found yet.

I just like to plod along with my family.

maddy68 · 19/01/2022 10:07

How do you measure success? Earnings? Status? Happiness?

Mushrooms0up · 19/01/2022 10:11

Unsure. On paper I’ve done well in exams, but I just don’t have the drive / passion to reach the top. The thought of working the 60 hour weeks required fills me with horror (although maybe I’d feel differently if I found a job I cared about).

So I’ve done ‘ok’ on balance - higher rate taxpayer with pretty normal hours.

FawnFrenchieMum · 19/01/2022 10:11

I don’t think I have. I am naturally quite bright but lose focus very quickly. I coasted through school and managed fairly decent GCSEs but got bored during A-Levels so dropped out.
I think I probably have an undiagnosed condition, ADHD or ASD tbh.
I’m happy, I enjoy my job, have a good family life but I do think I could have do something more challenging as a career but I’m mid 30’s now. Youngest a couple of years of high school, I’m hoping my time to find my ‘thing’.

Original poster
iwanttobeonleave · 19/01/2022 10:14

@maddy68

How do you measure success? Earnings? Status? Happiness?
Yes I suppose in this instance I'm thinking of career success, professional status and earnings.
OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 19/01/2022 10:18

I think I've done very well considering I have had complex PTSD for 50 years with episodes of hallucinations and hearing voices. I have been unable to manage the higher NHS bands I.e 7 and 8 because excessive stress causes MH problems and breakdowns. I've managed to buy a house and raised DS on my own though but even with therapy and medication there is only so far I can go.

Jmaho · 19/01/2022 10:18

I left university in 2001 totally clueless as to what I wanted to do work wise. I got some temping work at a large bank (Head office not branch) and loved it. Was quickly made permanent and worked my way up doing lots of courses and learning. By 25 I was made a manager. Youngest ever in company and had a team of 15 plus over 20 companies to look after. I did enjoy it but lots of stress, long hours and it felt that senior management put all the pressures on us beneath them. I also missed lots of parts of the previous job.
Realised that the extra money just wasn't worth it. I was at an age where I'd just got married and was planning a family and knew it would be so difficult to have children and do the job alongside. Zero chance of being able to reduce hours
Fast forward 15 odd years and I'm still with the company but doing my old job 3 days a week. I'm happy as larry
I know I could've gone higher and could now be on a 6 figure salary but it's just not what I want from life and even as my children are growing I don't think I ever will
My husband is the same to an extent. He is doing well work wise but anything that is a step up requires people management and its just not what either of us want
We earn pretty well and don't have much stress and have enough to enjoy life and are comfortable

sharkyandme · 19/01/2022 10:20

I think I'm doing the best I can.

I have a degree but don't have a professional job. It's not even permanent.

I have a beautiful family and we have all we need. We are healthy.

I can go back to work full time soon.

If you're talking in terms of maximising my income, no I'm not as rich as I could be financially but for me it would have meant sacrificing all the other things I have in my life.

KohlaParasaurus · 19/01/2022 10:23

Quite early in my career I looked up the ladder, didn't like what I saw (and I could tell that the occupants of upper rungs of the ladder didn't much like the look of me either and would shove me back down), and took a sideways step into a role that was more "job" than "career". On paper I've underachieved relative to my early potential, but I've had a life outside of work and I have no regrets.

PhoboPhobia · 19/01/2022 10:23

I have been as successful as I wanted to be in the career I ended up in - went as far as was possible, did it for 10 years then burnt out and now in an equally well paid but far less stressful role connected to original role. I suppose that is somewhat successful BUT - I would have loved to have gone in one of 2 other directions. My family did not encourage University nor anything other than what they would consider a 'normal' job. I would have loved to have done something creative so in that respect, not successful at all.

EmmaH2022 · 19/01/2022 10:27

@iwanttobeonleave

If not, why do you think that was? What held you back in your career?

Or looking at it the other way, what made or helped you be as successful as you are?

I've been mulling over why I don't run a FTSE100 company (Wink), and why some people make it and others don't.....

I would say poor mental health and lack of drive.

I look back now and realised I didn't want a lot of the stuff people actually enjoy about careers eg my dad liked the recognition, meeting tons of people, the prestige.

I also thought work would be a lot more interesting than it is.

I was really disappointed with myself in my 30s but not any more. I got over it.

maddy68 · 19/01/2022 10:27

I was technically very successful , top of the career ladder and salaries. Jacked it all in because of the stress. I now consider myself way more successful now (skint though )

Onlyrainbows · 19/01/2022 10:32

I'm back on track where I should have been haven't I had those 4 years of "bad luck". COVID helped get me get my career back.

bettertocryinamercedes · 19/01/2022 10:33

I don't have the drive for it. I like being at home with my family!

Scottishflower65 · 19/01/2022 10:57

I’m successful in terms of achieving Professor (15 years ago). I think luck, willingness to move for promotion, having good mentors, and enjoying my work were factors alongside family help with children (thanks mum 🥰). I did try various management roles at higher salary in which I always performed well, but I’m not particularly fond of line management and, post menopause, I have other priorities such as physical fitness. So I have settled in work to some extent but exploring other aspects of life has more than made up in terms of overall happiness.

peachgreen · 19/01/2022 11:01

No - a miscarriage, maternity leave, parenthood and then losing my husband has seen my career essentially go backwards over a period of 5 years. I don't really have the drive to do anything much about it though - I value my work/life balance too much.

NormHonal · 19/01/2022 11:08

No. Nowhere near.

I far exceeded family expectations and am truly an example of “if she can see it, she can be it.”

I had no female role models other than good teachers (who were incredible and I count myself very lucky to have had them in my life).

I had no ambition and didn’t have a clue what to do with myself beyond finding a job and a husband.

But I can and could have done SO much more with the brain I was given. I didn’t know what was out there. I had no aspirations. My family didn’t know either, so there’s no blame anywhere. We didn’t have the financial fallback for me to try/fail at anything. I had to play to safe and succeed.

I’m trying to live up to my potential in later life and give my kids a more secure start.

maxelly · 19/01/2022 11:09

Professional status and earnings wise, whilst I have done pretty well relatively speaking, I probably could have done 'better', if I compare myself to the people I did my professional training with many years ago now, some of them really pushed themselves, constantly focussed on the next 'step' up the ladder, did loads of networking, extra curriculars, professional development stuff and those people I'm sure have earned more than me over the course of our careers and gotten higher up the professional ladder than me. I don't think I'm inherently less able or good at what we do than them, they just wanted it more and had the circumstances and luck to follow through (by that I mean good health, sufficient resilience to overcome setbacks, the personal/family support they needed and in some cases also significant financial support from family or their spouse e.g. to start their own business or take time out to do additional qualifications, also sometimes a simple element of right time right place to know about and seize opportunities) - although of course there have been some 'casualties' along the way of people that have burnt out and ended up dropping out of the profession altogether or found that reaching that coveted executive position wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

On the other hand there's people that for various reasons (mainly health and family connected) are still in fairly junior positions within the profession or that have changed tack and now do something totally different and that's fine too, I feel I've hit a kind of happy medium, I find my job interesting and satisfying (not all the time, I have boring and frustrating days) whilst not dominating my life or stressing me out to a unreasonable extent, and it gives me a good standard of living financially. I feel I've been very lucky, that's not to say I haven't made mistakes along the way (lots of bad jobs) and also haven't had to work very hard at times as well!

minipie · 19/01/2022 11:12

No I haven’t, due to:

  • Having DC, including one with SN
  • Having a DH who himself has a very demanding career. We couldn’t both do similar roles with DC
  • Not caring that much about reaching the top. Or at least, I didn’t care as much as DH did

I know a lot of women who used to do high flying jobs, now doing less demanding roles, who could say the same.

maxelly · 19/01/2022 11:18

Although that being said, I think you could ask the same question of the most successful person we all know, and I suspect you might get similar answers to on this thread, particularly from women. I think even people that have done phenomenally well and made millions or gotten to be Chief Execs of FTSE 100s still have a lot of 'what ifs' and self-doubt, plus also of course very driven people tend in my experience to never ever be satisfied with what they already have, they're always thinking about the next thing whether that's in sporting endeavour or academics or their career, once they've made partner or whatever they want to be director, once they're director they want to be chief exec, once they're chief exec they want a bigger company or more success and so on until they (reluctantly!) retire! Which is one reason why I'm glad I'm not one of those people, basically it sounds exhausting to me, I try and practice gratitude for what I do have rather than constantly thinking about how it could be better even if this means I potentially miss out on things I could have had/done!

DrRamsesEmerson · 19/01/2022 11:19

I don't think I could have done better in terms of interesting work and professional status (very senior public sector). I've had a lot of good fortune, and good health, to enable me to get here. I could have earned a lot more money if I'd stayed in the City but I'd be a divorced alcoholic by now if I had.

TheFlis12345 · 19/01/2022 11:23

Not quite yet… but I’m getting there! I got into the industry I wanted straight from uni and did ok but lacked the confidence and drive to really push myself. I coasted in my late 20’s and 30’s, staying too long in roles because I enjoyed them and could do them with my eyes shut, and was gradually overtaken by my peers and then those younger and less senior. Three years ago though, by happy accident, I moved to a slightly different part of the industry and finally found my niche. I have now been promoted twice and am on track to catch up with those peers who flew up the ladder past me for all those years.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 19/01/2022 11:27

Definitely not. I think this is a number of things.
Firstly I come from a poor background and wasn't encouraged to strive for more. My parents said I couldn't afford to go to uni so I didn't go. They also didn't want me moving away.
I then married someone who held me back and made me feel an idiot for wanting more than a basic role. He belittled me when I went for a promotion and we ended up divorcing after a DV incident.
I got the promotion and have had another since we split but I can't see myself progressing any further. I'm due my second child and I'm already almost 40 plus I have no ambition and nothing I'm passionate about. I'm earning more than I thought I would so I guess that's an achievement. I haven't changed job I'm almost 20yrs and doubt I'd have the confidence to.