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Original poster

My wife has an offer of a fantastic new job but we were planning on having our second child

60 replies

justanotherguy123 · 30/12/2021 11:45

I hope you can help, My wife has been offered a really good position.
She had some ongoing frictions at work with her current manager, so was just testing the waters outside.
She did give some interviews earlier and was onto final rounds at one company, when she pulled back. Lately, an opportunity on linkedin with the previous (interviewed) company got her talking to them again. They were keen to have her on board from the previous interview notes and although the advertised position was no longer available, they are creating another one to get her in (with additional rounds of interviews done). I have to add that she's got the gift of the gab, hence this job, even negotiating the offered compensation higher which was already 50% more than her current. Its also a work from home position, so no commute except for some occasional travel & is a couple of leaps up the ladder.

Our first child was conceived within a month when we tried 8 years ago, but now older so I suppose will take time.
I am work from home as well with flexibility around work times. I currently do all the school runs etc with our current one, so no problems around helping out.
Its a difficult decision for her/(us?)
Should she stay in her current & look out once all of this is over with, we are not sure about the timeline in that case.
Or go for the new one.

Any opinions, thoughts will be much appreciated.

OP posts:

FudgeSundae · 30/12/2021 12:42

I was in a similar situation 2 years ago. I took the job, we started TTC after I’d been there a month and I was lucky enough to get pregnant quickly. I took a short maternity leave by choice (3 months). DD2 is now 9 months and doing very well. It’s totally doable if she wants it.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/12/2021 12:43

She’d be mad to turn it down.

WouldIBeATwat · 30/12/2021 12:45

@teaandchocolate1

Hi, I fell pregnant in June, the same week I started my new job, which is also significantly better compensated than my old job

I told my managers when I was about 17 weeks pregnant.

They took it well and will also pay me the full statutory maternity leave, although I'm not entitled to it.

In your wife's shoes I would take the new job and ttc at the same time.

You would be entitled to it provided you weren’t pregnant before you started.

urbanbuddha · 30/12/2021 12:46

Take it, a bloke wouldn’t even ask this question, he’d go for it.

^This

It's a shame you feel she only got this new job and increased salary "because she has the gift of the gab," rather than due to her skills and talents.

And this.

TueWed · 30/12/2021 12:47

Move move move!!

HandScreen · 30/12/2021 12:48

New job, without hesitation.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 30/12/2021 12:50

I like to think I have to do more for my DD than the missus, since DD shares the same birthday as me.

This is such a bizarre comment I can't really process it.

jackstini · 30/12/2021 12:52

100% take the new job and see what happens re conceiving after she starts

It gets her away from a working relationship that seems to be going downhill and could cause stress plus will give you chance to save more for maternity leave

I can't see any reason not to take it. Encourage and support her and you will be doing a good thing

motherofthelittlescreamingone · 30/12/2021 12:55

Sounds as if she should go for it - is she the higher earner?

talesoftheunexploded · 30/12/2021 12:57

"My husband has an offer of a fantastic new job but we were planning on having our second child"

Would this question be asked?

Tutan · 30/12/2021 12:58

@talesoftheunexploded

"My husband has an offer of a fantastic new job but we were planning on having our second child"

Would this question be asked?

No, because men don’t take a year’s maternity leave and get clobbered in relation to career progression.

Sadly.

talesoftheunexploded · 30/12/2021 12:59

She'll be clobbered anyway so may as well go for the payrise beforehand rather than after the baby.

Original poster

justanotherguy123 · 30/12/2021 13:14

@Tippexy

It's a shame you feel she only got this new job and increased salary "because she has the gift of the gab," rather than due to her skills and talents.

I suppose I should have rechecked my post for any nitpicking before posting my original query & replies.

I do believe in her talents and skills & one of them being what I said above. Connecting the dots, having difficult conversations & managing client relations in a technical field is her primary job, hence my comment above. A lot of her current colleagues happily let her front it with the clients cos its uncomfortable for them, but she does it easily.
But I digress.

OP posts:

HacerSonarSusPasos · 30/12/2021 13:15

It would be very stupid to turn the job down!

WallaceinAnderland · 30/12/2021 13:21

Crazy to turn it down.

Would you turn down such an excellent opportunity to further your career just because you wanted another child. If not, why do you even consider that she should?

HacerSonarSusPasos · 30/12/2021 13:24

I like to think I have to do more for my DD than the missus, since DD shares the same birthday as me.

By that standard will the second baby be less worthy of your time and effort?

Seems like such a weird thing to fixate on

Chloemol · 30/12/2021 13:29

I would go for the job

Who is to say that TTC will work immediately anyway

catfunk · 30/12/2021 13:34

I'd do the sums re stat may pay (which is likely all she would get if you fall pregnant quickly) vs new salary. If it's a higher paying job though I'd be inclined to jump as it'll be better for long term career progression/ earnings. Also you don't know how long it will take/ if you are able to conceive so holding off for an unknown doesn't make sense to me.

Original poster

justanotherguy123 · 30/12/2021 13:59

@HacerSonarSusPasos

I like to think I have to do more for my DD than the missus, since DD shares the same birthday as me.

By that standard will the second baby be less worthy of your time and effort?

Seems like such a weird thing to fixate on

That was just an idle banter, a flippant throwaway comment that wasn't meant to be serious, but its now taking a life on its own.

OP posts:

ToastCrumbsOnAPlate · 30/12/2021 14:05

It's a tricky one op. But ultimately it's her decision isn't it? She's the one that'll have to make the most sacrifice if she has a baby.

Just don't pressure her either way.

toomuchlaundry · 30/12/2021 14:12

For those saying you wouldn’t even be asking this question if it was a man looking at the new job, you might if you had planned for the dad to take a share of the leave

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 30/12/2021 14:13

I like to think I have to do more for my DD than the missus

Notwithstanding the pat on the back you have given yourself, you have used ‘the missus’.

Throwaway comments can say a lot.

Anyway, your wife needs to do what makes her happy.

If I were her? I’d take the job.

MimosaFields · 30/12/2021 14:16

@tara66

Why have you waited 8 years to have another child?

Why is that any of our business? How rude!!

itwasntaparty · 30/12/2021 14:17

The job. Bluntly ttc may not work.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 30/12/2021 14:21

Take the job. If worried about a long mat leave in a new role, Step Up and take Shared Parental Leave instead.

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