Name changed for this as I don’t want anything identifying.
So, I hate my job. Really, really, REALLY hate it. I’m miserable, stressed, dread every Tuesday morning, can't sleep for the anxiety.
I’ve discussed with my Line Manager my reasons for disliking the job again and again, it improves for a little while then goes off again. It’s the nature of the job, it’s not my LM’s fault, the job and I are simply not a good match, nothing will change that.
I work for a large well known corporate company, and I’ve been there 36.5 years, they’ve been good to me, paid well, 34 years defined benefit pension, 2 years defined contribution (where I upped my contribution to 50% and employer provided 13%). I've always given 110% to the role and received decades of good performance reviews.
I’ve always worked full time, even when the kids were small, I’ve brought them up pretty much by myself whilst DH built his career and worked away. I’ve done the entire mental and physical load at home inside and outside including all the stereotypical “men’s work”.
I went part time 2 years ago, and now I only hate it 3 days a week instead of 5. Moving to another internal role isn’t really an option as it will be frying pan to fire and picking up another P/T position will be like finding hen’s teeth.
DH earns well over 100k a year, been together 38 years from teenagers and we share everything including all money.
His bonus is 4 x my salary on top.
Kids grown and left. We’ve paid for their driving lessons and first cars, put them through university, helped them with renovations to their first homes (they saved the deposit but both could only afford tatty houses).
Mortgage paid off. No debts, no finance, no loans.
Elderly parents that increasingly take more and more of my time. I spend days doing hospital, optician, dentist, GP trips, taking them shopping, managing their finances, letting them offload their fears and moans.
I’m 55, DH fully 1000% supports me packing it in and not working ever again. Adult DC fully support me giving up work and “retiring” as they say, but it probably means being more available for them!
So, and this isn't genuinely meant to be any kind of stealth boast and I don't want to offend the 1000s of other hard working women out that that have to keep going regardless, but genuinely, in my situation would you pack it all in and not be in paid employment ever again if you were in my shoes?
It sounds like a no brainer on paper, which is why I’ve typed all this out. I simply daren't press the button.
So why do I feel like I can’t do it? Is it because it’s been part of my life since I was 19? Is it because I have always valued my financial independence, even though I could divorce tomorrow retain my great pension (his is a similar value) and have a 50/50 split of all our assets? Even though we are happy together and in it for life, even though DH is incredibly generous, and I hold all the purse strings?
I guess I’m looking for an outside opinion, maybe for reasons why I shouldn’t do it, or reasons why (as I suspect) this is the most incredible opportunity, and I am very fortunate and won’t look back.
No nasty comments please, I know I’m lucky but I’m feeling vulnerable right now and terrified I will make the wrong decision and throw away a well-paid, flexible career with great holiday allowance and pension contributions, worked from home since 2006, nice set of colleagues – even though I am miserable and don’t sleep at night with the anxiety of the role.
WWYD?