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Original poster

If you’re in a senior role do you feel like this?

53 replies

Snoopsnoggysnog · 10/12/2021 12:57

I’m in a senior client facing role (board or board minus 1 usually) - very high expectations and standards.
I constantly feel like I am winging it and getting it wrong. I feel I don’t show leadership and come across more junior / younger than I am. I work very hard but sometimes fail to meet the mark. I’m easily intimated by certain types of senior people.
Sometimes I produce amazing work but I feel like these are flashes of brilliance than how I operate all the time.

I know about imposter syndrome but in my case I don’t have imposter syndrome I’m just genuinely not meeting the mark!

Not sure what I’m asking but I need to change something.

OP posts:
martymcfly01 · 10/12/2021 23:12

Oh I relate to this a lot. I'm currently board -1 and have just been promoted to join the board. I am absolutely bricking it as i often feel like an imposter who will be found out any minute. I can get very insecure in between the highs.

Fridafever · 10/12/2021 23:15

Yup I feel like this too. I’ve worked in my company 10 years and am now head of my department, report to the CEO and earn a lot. I feel like I’ve tricked them into it. Genuinely I have imposter syndrome about imposter syndrome- I feel like that’s for being who are actually competent but not idiots like me. I’ve tried a few things to solve it but haven’t succeeded, sorry!

MissAmbrosia · 10/12/2021 23:17

I feel exactly the same! Strangely I changed jobs just before lock down last year and spent months worrying that they would fire me as I had no idea what I was doing sat in my kitchen at home. In fact I got a bonus and an outstanding review based on me picking up a new job under difficult circumstances and being able to work autonomously. I was shocked! Like PP said - take a deep breath and fake it til you make it.

roastednut · 10/12/2021 23:17

Totally feel like this so you're not alone and had a bad couple of weeks. Anxiety through the roof and sleepless nights. Dreading having time off simply due to what I'll walk back in to. Any tips you have on that would be so welcome Smile

Skysblue · 10/12/2021 23:20

Hmmm. DH definitely feels he is winging it and doesn’t deserve the salary he’s on - but he’s quite gleeful about that and maybe thinks he’s ‘beaten the system.’

Maybe try to enjoy it 😘

MissAmbrosia · 10/12/2021 23:22

I have to say it is easier not to be intimated by senior people when they are all virtual. I have never met our CFO. He is a bit difficult. When you aren't sat in the room with him, it is easier to wing it.

midlifecrash · 10/12/2021 23:22

Nah don’t get a coach. Just sod it. If your work is interesting or engaging at all, there will be a learning curve or experience a good part of the time, which means you will not always feel 100% sure of yourself. That’s actually good. The things that made you feel brilliant- why was that? Maybe you want to do more of that. Don’t get stuck with loads of soggy old admin just cos it’s safe

midlifecrash · 10/12/2021 23:24

Posting above for “a friend” of course…

LoveFall · 10/12/2021 23:25

I had a senior role (second in command type thing). I had imposter syndrome for years. I did find that as I grew into the senior role I did have a lot to offer, and some very useful leadership skills. My role involved advising and training others and I really enjoyed it.

I did have an incredibly difficult female boss who wasn't above bullying anyone if she could find a target. Sometimes I felt devastated by criticism that I knew was bat shit.

She left and my new boss was lovely, and collaborative.

For me, it was finding what I was good at. We can't do everything. Try and delegate things you know you will struggle with if you can.

You sound like you have good self awareness, which helps.

KeyboardWorriers · 10/12/2021 23:29

Yes. Newly promoted into a senior role this year and the feeling like I am not good enough is strong even though I havent had any negative feedback

CardiganAddict · 11/12/2021 07:55

I was the same - but I didn't solve it by "just" sorting my confidence. That might work for some people, but there's no shame in taking a lower grade job slowly taking more responsibility until you are more comfortable, which is what I did.
My issue came from being cajoled into positions of responsibility that I wasn't too keen on, and subsequently watching my technical skills atrophy in the process. Which I still needed.
Being a parent could be a good excuse to take a less managerially demanding job where you can excel in and slowly expose yourself to more responsibility.

KittyBurrito · 11/12/2021 08:00

Might it help to see self doubt as a positive quality? Folks who are so very sure of themselves don't question things, don't explore others perspectives, don't see risks coming. Learning to embrace not being perfect is also really good role modelling - it makes others feel safe to not be perfect either.

daveyfish · 11/12/2021 08:02

Yes, feel like this periodically (never constantly) both coaching and mentoring (both up and down) have helped but I think it will always be present to some extent - I don’t think I know a female senior leader who doesn’t feel imposter syndrome to some extent - and a fair proportion of male leaders as well ( prob more than would admit it)

KeyboardWorriers · 11/12/2021 08:05

@KittyBurrito that's such a good point. Strangely I regularly say that to people who I supervise or mentor, but forgot to apply it to myself in my new role!

Macmickmoo · 11/12/2021 12:54

Nicola Reindorp, who once doubted her own abilities to be a CEO, says we should rehabilitate doubt as a strength rather than a weakness in leaders.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00106mx

HundredMilesAnHour · 13/12/2021 00:32

I find video client meetings hard. I’m so much more effective and confident in the flesh. I know this is opposite to how some people feel.

I used to be the same. I was still pretty strong in video meetings but I really excelled at face-to-face. Then I attended a day's coaching (along with 3 senior colleagues that I'd never met before) with an actor from Game of Thrones (yay!) and because of Covid, we had to do it via video. Wow! It really took things to a whole new level. It was very candid and actually it was really nitpicking because the 4 of us were already quite strong (we have to be in the roles we do, it's part of the job) but it added so much. Such a fabulous experience, I'd really recommend trying something like this.

DukeofEarlGrey · 13/12/2021 00:57

I work at the same level and felt the same for a long time. Then I moved into a new firm with a much more supportive culture and now I feel so much better. Turns out it wasn’t me but the sexist, bullying environment I was working in. I could never have seen it so clearly without making the move. I know this isn’t what you’ve described but I think as women we are very quick to internalise things. Don’t be afraid to look around if what you’re doing isn’t optimal for you.

Macmickmoo · 13/12/2021 07:48

@HundredMilesAnHour

I find video client meetings hard. I’m so much more effective and confident in the flesh. I know this is opposite to how some people feel.

I used to be the same. I was still pretty strong in video meetings but I really excelled at face-to-face. Then I attended a day's coaching (along with 3 senior colleagues that I'd never met before) with an actor from Game of Thrones (yay!) and because of Covid, we had to do it via video. Wow! It really took things to a whole new level. It was very candid and actually it was really nitpicking because the 4 of us were already quite strong (we have to be in the roles we do, it's part of the job) but it added so much. Such a fabulous experience, I'd really recommend trying something like this.

Dh has done something similar and speaks very highly of the company we used - he wanted to improve the impact he made on video calls. - he found the process excruciating though Grin.
AnFiaRuaNua · 13/12/2021 07:51

Im sure the men arent berating them selves for not being brilliant 100% of the time.

Btw i really disagree that working very hard and only producing brilliance sometimes is "genuinely falling short of the mark".

CMOTDibbler · 13/12/2021 08:04

I read an article recently (summary in New Scientist, so actual science) that showed that those who had imposter syndrome were actually better at their job, better liked etc than those who didn't. So it is a positive thing.
For me, mentoring has been really positive - but in having a mentee. Its really made me reflect on what I do and why, and in exploring their confidence issues together I think I'm more confident about what I do. I'm also doing an MBA which I am obviously learning from, but actually just the validation of 'oh, ok, that isn't just something I made up then' has been great.

Happy1982ish · 13/12/2021 08:06

What’s the feedback during your performance reviews?

Happy1982ish · 13/12/2021 08:08

@CardiganAddict

I was the same - but I didn't solve it by "just" sorting my confidence. That might work for some people, but there's no shame in taking a lower grade job slowly taking more responsibility until you are more comfortable, which is what I did. My issue came from being cajoled into positions of responsibility that I wasn't too keen on, and subsequently watching my technical skills atrophy in the process. Which I still needed. Being a parent could be a good excuse to take a less managerially demanding job where you can excel in and slowly expose yourself to more responsibility.
I disagree Don’t use “being a parent as an excuse” Because there will be parents in very senior positions listening to the Op and thinking Hmm
GeodesicDome · 13/12/2021 08:12

I used to feel like this, but decades of reporting to distinctly mediocre, intellectually limited men had beaten it out of me.

My employer is damn lucky to have me. And your employer, OP, is damn lucky to have you.

Happy1982ish · 13/12/2021 08:16

@GeodesicDome

I used to feel like this, but decades of reporting to distinctly mediocre, intellectually limited men had beaten it out of me.

My employer is damn lucky to have me. And your employer, OP, is damn lucky to have you.

Look, let’s be honest - we don’t know that, do we No point blowing smoke up the OP’s ass. Not going to help.

Important to know how her 360s went?

HundredMilesAnHour · 13/12/2021 09:49

I work very hard but sometimes fail to meet the mark. I’m easily intimated by certain types of senior people.

Are you able to give more detail here OP? It will help us to help you. Where/when do you 'fail to meet the mark'? What happened? And which types of people intimidate you, and why??