Affair at work advice

[Workadviceneededplea]

have nc

Affair at work between two (married) colleagues has led to investigation. Fully consensual on both sides. Equal standing in company.

Question One. Person 1 has been invited to disciplinary but told that they are not allowed to know if the other has been investigated and if they will also face any disciplinary action. Is this fair/correct?

Question Two: affair ended. person one sent a message to person two on a work medium to say please leave me and my family alone. Work medium as context being not to approach in office, person two had been harassing partner of person one (outside of work). This message has been added to disciplinary as bullying/harassment. Is this fair/correct given wider context.

Person one takes full responsibility for their actions but is suspicious person 2 is being treated much more favourably, when the affair was escalated person 2 suggested for first time they are suffering from mental health issues. It was a long term affair.

Thank you

If you're willing to take full responsibility for your actions don't worry about what's going on with your affair partner.

Thank you for that but my question was with regards to what is fair and correct from an employment perspective.

It depends on the grounds of the disciplinary.

You contacted the other person via workplace communication so brought the issue in to work.

Disciplinary was due to affair taking place in work time, and on work premises. Agin, both willing and consensual partners.

@Workadviceneededplea

Disciplinary was due to affair taking place in work time, and on work premises. Agin, both willing and consensual partners.

But is there a fraud risk or professionally inappropriate? Has it brought the company into disrepute. Imho work medium are not appropriate for social issues outside the workplace.

In that case you should both be treated equally and disciplined accordingly.

The problem is if the other person is claiming to be a victim in some way your employer will need to tread more carefully.

I think that’s it. The other person is claiming now depression. That well may be the case but doesn’t excuse actions for an elongated period, including inappropriate behaviour at work. I think HR need to separate the issues.

The first question - is it true they do not have to disclose?

Your employer shouldn’t tell you about disciplinary issues relating to any other person no. It would be wrong of them to disclose anything to you

Even if a joint offence? How can we be sure that fairness prevails?

@Workadviceneededplea

Even if a joint offence? How can we be sure that fairness prevails?

That's the employers responsibility.

I’m your shoes, regardless if you are person 1 or 2 I would leave, get a new job. Avoid the drama

I think it's past time for you to focus on your own knitting and not that of your affair partner. Of course they aren't going to tell you of the outcome of their disciplinary. That is between them and that person. You need to focus on what you've done and what your future in this company is, or isn't.

And trying to tell HR how they should manage someone else's disciplinary is not going to help your case.

Appreciate all of the comments.

To frame differently. If person a feels that person b is likely being treated differently to the extent that disciplinary actions are unfair and one sided. How can this be proven. Assuming will not be as obvious as one person sacked, one remains.

Ps legal advice is also being sought prior to disciplinary but came on to understand HR perspectives

Thanks very much for all responses so far

But you only feel they are being treated favourably you’ve no basis for that and no you’ve no right to know their investigation they have a right to privacy from you.

And honestly were you both at it at work? I’d leave that’s so so cringe.

@Bluntness100

But you only feel they are being treated favourably you’ve no basis for that and no you’ve no right to know their investigation they have a right to privacy from you.

Thank you. This is what I want to seek legal opinion on. HR have been suggestive that they have taken unfair action in prior comments.

Then you can ask for an investigation to ensure fair treatment when it’s done. Or an independent reviewer. Your employer needs to ensure it was managed fairly, I don’t understand why hr are suggesting it’s been unfair, they should be leading it. Are you sure you’re not reading more into it becayse you don’t like what’s occurring and are pissed off?

Also if you were harassing their spouse then it might be correct to include it, it depends on the context but as it’s linked I can see how it is included.

I would expect the person, I assume you, harassing and bullying their partner would have committed a heavier crime.

Has person 1 raised a grievance about harassment by person 2?

No grievances raised as I understand it.

To be clear. Partner of person 1, was harassed (externally) by person 2.

Very messy I know but trying to understand factually what is fair.

Internal investigation seems the obvious fair forward. Thanks to all.

How do you know both sides of it op? You say that person 1 isn’t to know if person 2 is being investigated but then say that person 2 has had the bullying added to the disciplinary. If that’s the case then you know both parties are being investigated and under disciplinary,

@Bluntness100

How do you know both sides of it op? You say that person 1 isn’t to know if person 2 is being investigated but then say that person 2 has had the bullying added to the disciplinary. If that’s the case then you know both parties are being investigated and under disciplinary,

From my understanding of the OP this isn't what is happening?

Person 1 is going through the disciplinary process.

Person 2 has harassed Person 1s partner outside of the work environment.

Person 1 sent a message to Person 2 through a work medium asking them Perosn 2 to leave them & their partner alone.

Person 2 has said that this message constitutes bullying & harassment by Person 1 and this accusation has now been added to Person 1s disciplinary process.

So to Person 1, they believe they are being disciplined for the affair and now also for bullying due to asking Person 2 to stop harassing their partner, but do not know if Person 2 is also being disciplined.

Is that right OP?

No that’s not right, I thought that too but the op corrected,,person two is the harraser.

Which means the op knows person one is in disciplinary and being investigated and that person two is also in the same position but also being investigated for harassment.

Question 1 - They've not said Person 2 is not being investigated/subject to disciplinary. It's sounds like a confidentiality thing to me. E.g. we can neither confirm nor deny.

If this is someone you've been having an affair with, the 2nd party being disciplined won't have any impact on what is happening to you. It just may seem 'unfair' but would you really want person 2 to get disciplined just to make you feel better? If it was a long term affair there presumably are/were feelings involved?

Question 2 - yes communication on a work medium does make a difference. Sounds like person 1 did this but person 2 didn't? It means they have hard proof of you contacting person 1, which they may not have for person 2. Also presumably this was done on work time when you were being paid to work for the company not communicate re an affair