Affair at work advice

[Workadviceneededplea]

have nc

Affair at work between two (married) colleagues has led to investigation. Fully consensual on both sides. Equal standing in company.

Question One. Person 1 has been invited to disciplinary but told that they are not allowed to know if the other has been investigated and if they will also face any disciplinary action. Is this fair/correct?

Question Two: affair ended. person one sent a message to person two on a work medium to say please leave me and my family alone. Work medium as context being not to approach in office, person two had been harassing partner of person one (outside of work). This message has been added to disciplinary as bullying/harassment. Is this fair/correct given wider context.

Person one takes full responsibility for their actions but is suspicious person 2 is being treated much more favourably, when the affair was escalated person 2 suggested for first time they are suffering from mental health issues. It was a long term affair.

Thank you

Person 2 harassed person 1's partner outside of work.

Person 1 contacted person 2 via a work computer system to tell them to stop.

What? This is madness. Why is this a discipline matter, 2 consenting adults having sex. They're your employer not bloody jiminy cricket!

@homeonthehill

What? This is madness. Why is this a discipline matter, 2 consenting adults having sex. They're your employer not bloody jiminy cricket!

Because they were having sex at work whilst being paid to work

Oh I didn't realise it was during paid time

Do we know it was in company time? If the harrassment was not through the company system I'm not sure it is part of any disciplinary. Either way neither 1 or 2 should be in contact or know the action being taken. If there is normally work contact there needs to be some change of duties while this is ongoing.

I would wonder if the message sent by Person 1 was quite as a polite and could possibly be construed as threatening or harassing.

I also wonder reading this if you are the partner of Person 1 and perhaps there are other messages sent by Person 1 which you have not been told about.

Apologies for not being clearer. Yes bladdybla is correct re:roles/ who said/ did what.

The harassment of person 1s partner was outside of work but relevant to message sent on work mediums.

Legal advice as been sought today and view is to ask for an independent review of the disciplinary process for both parties based on suggestive comments HR made in a recorded conversation, that only one party would face action.

To be clear disciplinary details separate issues of conducting affair in work time and the “bullying”.

Suggestion from lawyer is that if parties are dealt with separately, there is a strong discrimination case.

Thanks all for the advice and input.

*dealt with differently not separately

Harrassment outside of work is a police matter, not a work matter.

If person 1 knew person 2 had mental health problems at the start of the affair and person 1 was in a senior position, if I were HR, I'd consider the power dynamics, potentially taking advantage etc.

Look at Clinton/Lewinsky. Consensual but he was in a powerful position and thought he could get away with it (he did)

Tale as old as time. Sounds like person 1 wants to get away with it or be treated the same but it doesn't work that way.

Either you are person 1 or their partner (in which case you're a fool)

Thankyou for reply. No mention or suggestions of anything MH related until after investigation started. Alternate view is that MH is being put forward to ensure protection from disciplinary. Not my own view, which is neutral but I can see how this conclusion has been reached.

As explained, person 1 and 2 are of equal stature.

Totally agreed harassment outside is a police matter. The message sent almost parallel timing.

To contrary of your conclusion. Person 1 has been very honest and transparent, person 2 seeking to minimise and lie re dates of affair.

I have purposely not disclosed my role to seek neutral opinions but am no fool. My view here is that they both took a risk conducting the affair in work time, on work premises. Both willing partners. Messages over very long period show both as instigators to meeting up. MH disclosure suspicious as only mentioned after finding out. MH should not be used to minimise actions.

That said, have appreciated all opinions from HR stance and otherwise. Legal view obtained today is reassuring with regards to HR discrimination.

Thanks again.

Op are you the partner or a relative of one of them? Your posts indicate it’s not you but you’re close to one of them and wish to protect them, hopefully you’re not one of the cheated on spouses.

Why the concern over discrimination, is one of them deemed a poorer performer (no pun intended)

I was going to ask whether the one being disciplined is female and the one not is male and that they may then constitute discrimination.

@SeasonFinale

I was going to ask whether the one being disciplined is female and the one not is male and that they may then constitute discrimination.

They are both being disciplined it’s right there in th op

You don't get to decide what is fair here, OP.

I think HR are right, whichever employee sent the message via works email will have an additional case to answer so the disciplinaries won't match exactly. They will both have to answer for the affair conducted in work time on work premises whilst being paid (to work) but only one has the additional harassment by email to answer.

As someone who has worked in HR previously, I've seen this scenario too many times and it matches my experience of at least one of the affair partners suddenly deciding they can no longer work/be in a room with the other one and expecting work to arrange that, and for someone to go off sick when presented with a disciplinary (this happens a lot, not just for affairs unfortunately).

I'm guessing the works email message was an attempt to manipulate the situation by involving the employer in the harassment outside work which has backfired very badly for the sender. Leaving ASAP is probably the best way forward for both sides, although easier said than done it would be for the best long term. I hope the disciplinary process runs smoothly for all concerned, and without paying any lawyers!

Person 1, Person 2, and whoever you are should all grow up and do their fucking jobs.

@ChicCroissant

You don't get to decide what is fair here, OP.

I think HR are right, whichever employee sent the message via works email will have an additional case to answer so the disciplinaries won't match exactly. They will both have to answer for the affair conducted in work time on work premises whilst being paid (to work) but only one has the additional harassment by email to answer.

As someone who has worked in HR previously, I've seen this scenario too many times and it matches my experience of at least one of the affair partners suddenly deciding they can no longer work/be in a room with the other one and expecting work to arrange that, and for someone to go off sick when presented with a disciplinary (this happens a lot, not just for affairs unfortunately).

I'm guessing the works email message was an attempt to manipulate the situation by involving the employer in the harassment outside work which has backfired very badly for the sender. Leaving ASAP is probably the best way forward for both sides, although easier said than done it would be for the best long term. I hope the disciplinary process runs smoothly for all concerned, and without paying any lawyers!

Thank you for perspective. Apparently message was sent to ensure NC was maintained in the office. Full disclosure of context and harassment given to lawyer, who suggests person 1 would be a scapegoat if action taken against the message and no action take with regards to other inappropriate conduct for either. The timing of mental health disclosure is apparently very relevant.

Thanks again to all

God what a mess. Sex in the workplace and now an acrimonious fight via the HR department.

Is it really worth hiring an independent lawyer to launch a case for discrimination?

Is it possible that you (sorry person 1) can leave the company and start fresh somewhere else? Stop caring about what's going on (or what you suspect/imagine is happening ) with person 2's disciplinary?

You're admitting blame so you're not trying to clear your name, you just don't want to sacked, is that right?

Affairs aren't "fair" are they? people are hurt, feel betrayed and used and then when it ends, people want revenge or someone to blame.

Sorry but it's a bit hypocritical to whine about being treated fairly after shitting on two marriages.

OP you still don't seem to be grasping that one form of harassment happening IN work and the other happened OUTSIDE of work

I cannot see where the discrimination is towards person 1, unless there is more you are not telling us? Does person 1 have a protected characteristic? You seem to be assuming different disciplinary action is discrimination and I don't think your lawyer is very good (maybe just wants his money!)

@Bluntness100 In the OP she says person one is being disciplined and the employer will not confirm to person one whether person 2 is being disciplined too actually. Hence my question as to whether person 1 is female and person 2 is male as I gave come across that on previous occasions!

That was my reading of it too @SeasonFinale. I'd even go as far as to guess OP is person 1 (female) and the affair partner 2 (male), and OP was trying to save her marriage sending emails via work medium. While it's not fair for the affair partners to be treated differently, neither of them have covered themselves in glory.

All this guff about person 1 being open and transparent; you were having an affair IN the workplace. At least do your sexing in your own time, then you can't complain!

Best course of action in this situation is for you and your affair partner to leave this workplace, and get new jobs. The atmosphere must be awful, as I would imagine some of your colleagues know.