Can't cope with new job!!

[StressyJob]

Hi all, have name changed for this as don't want work to identify me.

I have recently started a new job. It sounded great and is well paid, the people are lovely. However I am now 4 weeks in and realising that I am totally the wrong person for the role. It's massive amounts of admin, none of which I understand (I'm quite senior and previous roles have been setting up systems, managing teams etc but not dealing with spreadsheets etc) I don't know how to use any of their systems (of which there are many!) and seem unable to absorb this information when anyone shows me. I am working mostly at home on a new project that nobody else has done before, so no real handover.

I have flagged with managers that I don't have experience of anything that I am being asked to do and they are offering admin support but I don't even know what to ask the junior staff to do as I don't 'get' the entire project. It's too big and I am starting from a point of zero knowledge.

I just want to quit and have spend most of today crying at my desk (at home thankfully).

Have any of you experienced a similar thing? I have typed a resignation email multiple times over the last week but don't know how much of this is starting a job whilst wfh, how much is just getting to grips with it all and how much is premenopausal anxiety!! I'm normally a really confident, capable person and suspect I just interviewed really well and came across as someone who could tackle anything!! I can't!! Waaaaah!!!

Any/all advice gratefully received as am getting in a real state about it all!

Talk to your line manager as soon as you can. Explain as unemotionally as you can what you have explained here. State what you feel help with ( eg spreadsheets) and ask if the person who write the job spec can spec out the support you need in order to do the job they have employed you to do. Working alone is really tough and isolating. You are probably not doing as badly as you fear. It could be hormones as well as new job exhaustion
Good luck

Ahhh OP nothing to add except I'm in a v similar position to you. It's a horrible feeling to realise you're not the right fit (in my case anyway). Not helped by fact it's just boss and me and I can tell she's getting very obviously fed up of me asking questions.

The thing is that I can watch her do a new task at a million miles an hour and write notes for next time but I've no context to put them in and like you have alluded to, you don't know what you don't know. So I come to use my notes and realise they're crap and full of gaps. We have an online manual but it's massive and only helpful if what you need is the title of a chapter IYSWIM? So you need to know the precise thing you're looking for.

I'm normally so confident and take everything in my stride but Christ I'm struggling and dreading Monday (I'm p/t). I know I'll have severel moments when I'll go and hide and cry before then - this am I went for a run which I was looking forward to and about 10 mins from home, thinking about it had me crying like a bloody toddler at the side of the road
Also peri menopausal which I know is a factor.

So sending hugs OP and watching any replies you get with interest.

Be kind to yourself it sounds like your giving it your best

I'm also 4 weeks into a new role with similar issues. It's very frustrating.

My boss has asked me to take over a certain task but so far I've had no guidance or training and I have no context or knowledge of what happens before the task becomes mine.
We were supposed to have a Teams meeting about it today but I think she has forgotten. I'm not reminding.

She will probably change her mind anyway as last week it was a different task and same story.

Thank you both for replying.

Sooverthehill - I have mentioned to both managers that I'm out of my comfort zone and not experienced in anything they are asking me to do. I think I might need to be more explicit. Might need to say that I don't think I'm settling in and see what they say.

Tellmewhen - I'm so sorry you're going through this too. It's just a horrible feeling isn't it? I honestly just want to quit but don't want to make the wrong decision - and I do think that perimenopause is a big factor in my confidence levels around work at the moment. I keep fantasising about getting a 3 day a week job in a shop or cafe with minimal responsibility and a defined list of tasks which can only be interpreted one way.

I feel an overwhelming urge to just opt out of everything and stare into the middle distance for a while. I wonder if its a bit of ptsd after the last 18 months (job I just left was incredibly stressful due to changes triggered by Covid job losses etc). I feel totally ill equipped for working life at the moment!

GillBiggeloesHair - sorry to hear its happening to you too! Awful isn't it. I guess this must be the reality for loads of people starting jobs from home over the last year or so. What are you planning to do? Is your manager approachable?

Yes be explicit. Don't be seen as floundering be seen as proactive in getting it right. You must not be vague at all

I WFH also with the odd day in the office here and there. We will be in together one day next week so I will bring it up then.

I have no problem doing anything they ask of me but I've said many times to them that they MUST train me properly and not just run through it at speed then expect me to just know.

My role is so undefined at the moment and I don't have enough to do to fill my days right now.

I wonder Stressy if the conditions in your last role when leaving could be a factor? Still, the situation you are in now sounds highly stressful. I agree with Soover that being proactive in the conversation will be helpful. I'm aware I'm saying this whilst doing the exact opposite myself it's as if everything is affecting my "take action" ability. To the extent that at the moment if I need to ask my supervisor a question I've asked before I literally freeze at my pc and sit for what feels like forever willing myself to just do it, I'm so worried about how she'll react and talk to me. I'm aware of how pathetic I sound. Jesus I'm heading for 50. I'm going to chat to DH this evening with wine and get his advice as Ive not really told him the whole story yet.

Funnily enough in a previous life I was a trainer! Did inductions then follow up coaching with newbies but also soft skills and manager mentoring. And I was so so bloody good at it too. I won awards FGS! I don't recognise myself these days. And absolutely everything I'm experiencing now is the opposite of what I used to preach, so to speak.

This role is v part time (less than 16 hours) and I've been in it for almost a year.

It's weird, what you write about fantasising about a coffee shop job and staring into the middle distance? I could have written that

Gill sorry you're having a shit time too.

Tellmewhen - lets open a coffee shop together and employ a highly motivated manager to run it. Then we could just pop in once or twice a week and rearrange the buns before returning home to resume middle distance staring?!

I think a lot of it must be a life stage thing. I have always been really good at my job and anyone who knows me would describe me as confident and capable. I think most people would be really shocked to hear my internal dialogue at the moment! I also spend a lot of time frozen at my PC feeling utterly unable to ask the question/send the email etc. It's bizarre. 30 year old me would tell me to stop being a twat and sort myself out!

I’m sorry I would not go to your manager. I’m also quite senior and I’m senior enough I would not ask my manager to tell him I couldn’t do it

What I do, and I recently started a new job, albeit in the same company I’ve been with for years, I find out who does know how to do it, I then set another session up with them, and ask them to show me again, so if it’s quick I message and say you got five mins to show me this, if it’s longer I book a thirty min or one hour session in.

You need to identify what you can’t do, find out who can, and rhen ask them for help. Basically you need to be self sufficient and take responsibility.

Going to your manager is something only people who are very junior do.

God I could have written this post! So bloody stressful getting a new job and realising that you don't really fit. I really think I've got PTSD from old job during covid (also menopausal) . Just awful.i think I'm quitting very soon. I'm too old for this crap (50) and just don't have another 17 years of work left in me. Hope you get sorted op :)

You do really know what to do. Why are you frightened of doing it?

Hi Bluntness - thanks but without being too outing about my role it just isn't something that someone else in the business does and that I need a bit of training on. It's quite a complex project and I have no idea why they felt I was suitable to take it on. It's a bit like asking someone who is a dentist to do a c-section - both medical procedures but essentially no crossover on skills. I am responsible for a huge budget spend in this job and having managed teams for years I know I'd want to know as a manager if someone in my team didn't feel they were equipped to deal with that. I don't think flagging concerns to a manager is something only junior staff do - I think its something good employees do instead of screwing up a project without flagging the issues at the time!

Ok, that’s fair, yout op said though you didn’t know how to use the systems and couldn’t absorb the information but if you simply don’t know how to do the job then I think you need to resign I’m sorry,

In my case it's literally my manager who can do the job. In theory I could speak to my predecessor whose now in a different area but a) the needs of the job/geography and pace mean there isn't time to meet up or even chat by phone (manager sits behind me, and b) it's very gossipy as is my predecessor and I'm not sure I'd trust her fully to say I'm struggling.

In my experience (and I've been senior) it can often be helpful to speak to a manger. It also allows you to document your sired concerns or asked for help in terms of performance management.

Stressy im totally up for that. Perhaps we could have dedicated"middle distance staring " space for customers? Judging by the wonderful posts over on the menopause board I reckon there's plenty of demand . But thanks for this thread as I certainly feel better talking to you lot!

. I am responsible for a huge budget spend in this job and having managed teams for years I know I'd want to know as a manager if someone in my team didn't feel they were equipped to deal with that.

^

So you know budgets but not spreadsheets? As in, you can manage a budget, but not create a spreadsheet?

Just trying to clarify the situation

Peterbear - sorry that's its you too. There seems to be quite a few of us! Why does nobody warn you about this side of getting older?!

Oblomov - sorry what do you mean? Do you mean I should be quitting? Or flagging to management? I actually think I need to do both of those things! I will definitely be speaking to management again next week but I just feel really sad that its probably not going to work out in this role, and that I am back to square one. Kids to support, bills to pay, nearly 15 years left to work and an increasingly dented confidence around work. Its a massive adjustment when work has always been such a huge and enjoyable part of my life. I am having to work out who I am and what I want. Feels really massive and overwhelming!

I don't know how to use any of their systems (of which there are many!) and seem unable to absorb this information when anyone shows me

= you just need to practice using them. Honest.

Quit??

Mumsnet will not let you quit!

Going to your manager is something only people who are very junior do.

Perhaps that's part of the problem, your manager will always (well, usually) be senior to you, why shouldn't you? I used to line manage many staff, and I'd rather someone come to me and say look I'm struggling, I can demonstrate that I've been proactive in trying to get my heard around x by doing y and arranging z training but I still feel like I don't get it rather than someone just not saying anything and failing to deliver; or leaving without trying. The manager martyrdom many have doesn't help.

OP I'd set up a meeting with your manager, rather than just saying I can't do the job, list the bits you're struggling with, say what you've tried so far and what you think might help. It could be that genuinely the role just isn't for you, but it'd be a shame to leave without trying.

Thanks, this is all really useful input. I'm going to have a good think about things over the weekend and come up with a plan for next week. I think maybe I need to set a deadline in my head so that if I still feel like this in say 2 or 3 weeks time I will resign. I think I need an exit strategy so I feel less trapped and panicky!

@StressyJob

Peterbear - sorry that's its you too. There seems to be quite a few of us! Why does nobody warn you about this side of getting older?!

Oblomov - sorry what do you mean? Do you mean I should be quitting? Or flagging to management? I actually think I need to do both of those things! I will definitely be speaking to management again next week but I just feel really sad that its probably not going to work out in this role, and that I am back to square one. Kids to support, bills to pay, nearly 15 years left to work and an increasingly dented confidence around work. Its a massive adjustment when work has always been such a huge and enjoyable part of my life. I am having to work out who I am and what I want. Feels really massive and overwhelming!

Precisely. In our twenties, pre kids maybe you can take it in your stride.

It feels different now.

Bastard ageing !

@Booknooks

Going to your manager is something only people who are very junior do.

Perhaps that's part of the problem, your manager will always (well, usually) be senior to you, why shouldn't you? I used to line manage many staff, and I'd rather someone come to me and say look I'm struggling, I can demonstrate that I've been proactive in trying to get my heard around x by doing y and arranging z training but I still feel like I don't get it rather than someone just not saying anything and failing to deliver; or leaving without trying. The manager martyrdom many have doesn't help.

OP I'd set up a meeting with your manager, rather than just saying I can't do the job, list the bits you're struggling with, say what you've tried so far and what you think might help. It could be that genuinely the role just isn't for you, but it'd be a shame to leave without trying.

The op was written in such a way, well it clearly stated she didn’t know how to use the systems excel etc and couldn’t retain the info, hence why I said fond people who do and use them. You don’t ask your manager to show you how to use excel or log onto a system.

However it seems that’s not thr issue, the op simoly can’t do the job itself. That’s very different snd is something to be discussed with her manager.

Well, I did it handed my notice in.

Spoke to DH and did lots of thinking over the weekend. I work too few hours to really bridge the skills gap I have, tasks are cyclical (think 3/4 months) so the repetition isn't there and training notes and systems are virtually non existent. Plus boss is clearly impatient with my progress. Add this to my next to no self confidence and going home feeling incompetent it was never going to get better

I've not given the real reasons for leaving but a personal one (which happens to be true) and it didn't go down as badly as I thought - maybe whilst it's inconvenient maybe manager also knows it's perhaps best?! A definite downside to interviewing well and, in my opinion, interviewer not probing well!
It's a bit bloody scary though as I still felt like I was letting them down, feel a bit like I've failed and realise new employment options for a nearing 50 person who would prefer not to work shit shifts for minimum wage are fairly limited. At least I'm not bursting into tears randomly in the street though.

Hope OP, Gill and Peter you're doing ok

I've just written a whole other post about quitting my job even though it makes no sense to do so because I feel so depressed, anxious and uninspired by it - and then I came across this post just below it in the Work section and find there are others just like me!

It's weird, what you write about fantasising about a coffee shop job and staring into the middle distance? I could have written that
Yes, me too!

I hadn't thought of perimenopause. Perhaps that's a factor too.