Boss makes remarks about my working hours

[mummyceecee]

I have been in the same job for 6 years. When I started my DD had just begun nursery and I worked 3 days, 9-6 and Saturday 9:30 -4. After a while I asked if I could work 5 days instead and do 9-4 (this way I didn't drop any hours) which was agreed. At the time there were 2 others in my department that worked until 6 so it wasn't an issue. One member was fired and the remaining 2 of us took on her workload. In Nov 2019 the other person left and I changed my hours from 9-4 to 8-3 for 3 days and 8-4 for 2 days. We have tried to fill the position but no one has lasted (the pay is bad to start off which doesn't help). Add COVID to the works and whilst everyone else was on furlough, I had to work all the way through, my DD had to go my mothers to be looked after (not ideal as she is elderly and vulnerable) whilst school was closed. I worked until 2pm and then carried on working from home until 6pm and when school was back went back to my normal hours but some after school activities were cancelled so I could only work until 3pm on the days I was meant to work until 4 in order to collect my daughter. Now this term the only person that does the after school activities was on sick leave for a week so again I had to work until 3 this week to collect my daughter.
My boss is constantly making remarks about me finishing earlier than the other departments that work until 6pm but I still do emails and take calls on my personal mobile even when I have gone. If I say anything he tries to make out its a joke but it's really starting to get to me. I am a single parent and have no-one else to collect my daughter from school. My mother isn't mobile enough to do the journey and I don't have any parent friends at the school who I could ask. I have applied for after proper school club every year but never get allocated a space as places go to those with siblings first and I only have the 1 child.
I just don't know what to do, am I bein too sensitive? I have told them in no uncertain terms that I am doing all I can but I cannot afford private childcare on my wages, even with help towards the cost I'd still be worse off. Why should I work even longer hours when I have children, I already work full-time. What are my rights?

Childcare isn't £10-12 an hour in London. My childminder is £6 an hour and that's about the going rate here.

I think (sadly) all companies and lots of managers are a bit like this. No one likes their employees finishing at 3pm. Despite having a flexible working agreement which means that I leave at 3 a whopping two afternoons a week I still get the whole 'ah yes it's your day to leave early isn't it' boss sighs routine. I even work until 6 twice a week to catch up. Saying that, I can see it from a colleagues point of view too. Who does my work after 3pm? They do. As I'm nhs I can take calls and read emails etc outside of the office unless I'm at home on a secure laptop. It does seem unfair on my full time colleagues, as they all have their own responsibilities too, just not school age children. Could you work late some nights to give your colleagues a break? You might get UC, I do and I'm in a full time band 4 job. Could you do an after school swap with another parent?

Hi OP I’m sorry you’re having to go through all of this. There is no legal requirement for you to have a written contract BUT it’s good practice for you and your employer to have one. As others have said, it can make sure that areas such as holiday / sick pay are taken care of. ACAS will be able to provide more advice if you don’t have an HR team. It sounds like there are areas on both sides - you’re doing more work, your original scope of work has changed and you’re working longer hours. On the other side, if you’re taking the odd day here and there where you need to do an early pick up then it’s probably okay whereas if it’s a regular thing then this makes it difficult for your team to know when they can/ can’t contact you. Document everything you’re doing and what you’ve delivered. What do you need to let go of? As others have said, the lack of recruitment is your bosses challenge and you need to keep pushing back if you’re too busy. Do you have regular 121s? Ignore comments from co-workers, it’s got nothing to do with them. You may wish to document what was said, when it was and the impact it had on you however in case you need to escalate at a future point in time if it becomes a regular thing.

Are you paid an hourly rate or a salary?

Surely if you're in London you have more opportunities to work elsewhere? I would look into a wfh job or a more flexible working environment tbh.

I get up a 5:30 to get myself ready, then get my daughter up at 6:15 so she can get washed dressed etc then walk and feed the dog and then we walk to the bus stop, wait for a bus then it’s a 10 min walk from getting off the bus to school and then I go to work 20 min walk away. Sometimes kids don’t want to get up at the crack of dawn and it takes time for them to wake up and get ready! I don’t ‘trot’ around a supermarket making calls, people call me. I work in property management so I get calls from tenants and landlords and contractors at all times. This things can be done over the phone. No one does my work when I’m there because they are in sales and think they are above talking to these people and don’t know how to do the other admin side of the job.
It happens once in a blue moon that I have to leave an hour early, and everyone knows they can contact me in an emergency.
Thanks for the helpful comments and to those that think I’m a whiny entitled work shirker, I hope you have a lovely smug day.

To those that think I’m a whiny entitled work shirker, I hope you have a lovely smug day.

Who said this? 🙄

I called you 'entitled' but none of the rest.

You are 'entitled' IMO in your way of deciding you can leave work at the time of your choosing because of childcare issues.

However, I also pointed out how unreasonable your employer was & that it was overall likely more stressful than finding a meeting job where you could have a structure, albeit you might not be able to collect your DD each day. Like many of us.

Seems like that's not advice that interests you.

That is an awfully long day, are you able to move closer to to work, or get a job somewhere else?

With regard to your hours you should probably keep a diary of actual hours worked. What hours are you paid for?
Are you doing more hours (taking calls at the supermarket in my mind doesn't count as you can't be giving 100%) if it's more than you are paid for, start turning off your phone and don't talk to people not in office hours

No I’ve moved 4 times in 4 years as I had to move when her dad left so stayed at mums then found somewhere that had really bad maintenance issues, the next place got sold, now I’ve found somewhere that’s given me a longer tenancy and is lovely. I rent privately and it’s hard to find somewhere decent for a reasonable rent. It’s in a good catchment for secondary too. I’ve looked at other jobs but all want longer hours and none are local so then I have to add in commuting time and extra travel costs. It’s hard to find something that works for me so I’m better off staying out until secondary school starts in a few years.
If I didn’t answer calls I’d get even more grief and comments.
I’ve mentioned several times about all the extra work I do but it falls on deaf ears so I’ve given up.
The remarks hurt when you are doing all you can, given more than you should and your workload is sometimes overwhelming. I already feel like a crap mum for what she’s been through, now I feel even worse because I’m made to feel not good enough at work.
Even when you take annual leave they raise an eyebrow! I took a week off in the summer and was asked to come in for a day as the department couldn’t go a week without someone in it, so I did.
I do appreciate the advice but the tone of some the comments come off as haughty and if they aren’t actually constructive then don’t say anything.

I think they are exploiting your willingness to work.

Look out for another job - there will be options out there and you might find something with better pay / hours.

Set out your core hours clearly with your boss (say 8am-3pm each day) and make sure you can stick to those, and don't do work outside those hours.

Really? Is the OAP residential care home kicking out time 3pm daily too? This is just silly.
You've no idea what other people's responsibilities might be.
Everyone's life outside of work is important. Simple as that.

I do feel for you OP. I think you just need to get some good responses to come back with. Maybe when your boss turns up at nine say something like 'oy oy, what time do you call this, I've already been here two hours.'

I’m emailing at the school gates, I’m taking calls in the supermarket, I am working until 6 when I’m not supposed to. I’m taking calls at weekends. That’s all in my own time

The problem is that you're doing two things badly instead of one thing well.

You are either off the clock and not at work, or you're working your hours.

This grey area is inviting those comments from your boss.

You need a proper sit down session to work this out. What does your contract say in terms of hours that you will be at work, and what are you working (properly, not on your personal phone at the school gate)?

I say this as a manager. It would be different if you were in a managerial salaried position as they typically require more flexibility and are more outcome based, but it sounds like you're paid hourly.

You need to address this formally and set the agreements in place so you can avoid doing this stressful juggling AND yet still failing to meet your boss' expectations.

Even when you take annual leave they raise an eyebrow! I took a week off in the summer and was asked to come in for a day as the department couldn’t go a week without someone in it, so I did.

You are working in a dysfunctional environment, this is not normal or reasonable.

You giving into their demands is fuelling the unreasonable behaviour, it's not your fault but by saying yes, it's enabling them to take a mile. Your workplace has no boundaries.

It's not healthy in the long term and i'd be looking to move asap. your time with your DC is too important -if you're emailing and calling on personal time at school gates, etc, your DC will be getting the message that mum's not really "there". you're alawys off somewhere else.

i speak as a child of a parent like this - there in body only.

I’m going to disagree with everyone - if you’re happy enough in your job, boss’s remarks aside, carry on as you are. No need to rock the boat. He’s told you not to worry, so don’t worry,

Keep juggling for now and in a few short years your DD will be older and it will all be easier.

Maybe @Heatherington has the right approach ... develop a set of responses..

Oh yeah... let's see what happens if I don't pick up the phone when I'm not in the office then, eh, shall we?

Shall I start coming in at 9, like the rest of you?

If you piss me off, where would that leave you, this job doesn't seem to have people queuing up to take this shite pay.

I will remember your words next time you ask me to come in during my holiday, shall I give you a hint as to what my response will look like?

I wasn't 100% clear who was right until I saw the comment about taking holiday. He is absolutely treating you like shit. I think the sad thing in all of this is we feel we have to take what we can get as mums and put up with all this crap because we don't feel employable. We end up working 2x as hard in order to prove ourselves and still get this rubbish. Post Covid, 9-5 is an outdated concept, as is presenteeism.

@mummyceecee vent away, I’m really sorry that you are having such a tough time. I am also a single parent to two DCs, they are now in Y1&3, working FT too. The earlier years of nursery, reception etc were incredibly tough.

Just sorry for you having all this extra stress basically out in your shoulders. Your employees sound accommodating but totally insensitive. They just have no idea the load you’re carrying mentally.

If I were you - and I get your reasons for sticking with the job - I’d try to mentally find a way to suck it up and not give a flying F. I had to do this for a while in my last job (different reasons - I was being overlooked). I had to brainwash myself to not care and say “count your chickens”, this works for my family in the grand scheme of things…

After school clubs will make a HUGE difference so hopefully all that gets going again. Can you make a special case to the school for afterschool care?

Hang in there OP.

@themuttsnutts

I wasn't 100% clear who was right until I saw the comment about taking holiday. He is absolutely treating you like shit. I think the sad thing in all of this is we feel we have to take what we can get as mums and put up with all this crap because we don't feel employable. We end up working 2x as hard in order to prove ourselves and still get this rubbish. Post Covid, 9-5 is an outdated concept, as is presenteeism.

Oh I missed that about holidays! Ignore my comment above that they sound accommodating - they are dicks

It really is mad, mothers are fully expected to work but the working world is not set up to accommodate it for the most part.