Boss makes remarks about my working hours

[mummyceecee]

I have been in the same job for 6 years. When I started my DD had just begun nursery and I worked 3 days, 9-6 and Saturday 9:30 -4. After a while I asked if I could work 5 days instead and do 9-4 (this way I didn't drop any hours) which was agreed. At the time there were 2 others in my department that worked until 6 so it wasn't an issue. One member was fired and the remaining 2 of us took on her workload. In Nov 2019 the other person left and I changed my hours from 9-4 to 8-3 for 3 days and 8-4 for 2 days. We have tried to fill the position but no one has lasted (the pay is bad to start off which doesn't help). Add COVID to the works and whilst everyone else was on furlough, I had to work all the way through, my DD had to go my mothers to be looked after (not ideal as she is elderly and vulnerable) whilst school was closed. I worked until 2pm and then carried on working from home until 6pm and when school was back went back to my normal hours but some after school activities were cancelled so I could only work until 3pm on the days I was meant to work until 4 in order to collect my daughter. Now this term the only person that does the after school activities was on sick leave for a week so again I had to work until 3 this week to collect my daughter.
My boss is constantly making remarks about me finishing earlier than the other departments that work until 6pm but I still do emails and take calls on my personal mobile even when I have gone. If I say anything he tries to make out its a joke but it's really starting to get to me. I am a single parent and have no-one else to collect my daughter from school. My mother isn't mobile enough to do the journey and I don't have any parent friends at the school who I could ask. I have applied for after proper school club every year but never get allocated a space as places go to those with siblings first and I only have the 1 child.
I just don't know what to do, am I bein too sensitive? I have told them in no uncertain terms that I am doing all I can but I cannot afford private childcare on my wages, even with help towards the cost I'd still be worse off. Why should I work even longer hours when I have children, I already work full-time. What are my rights?

I think they and you are being pretty flexible. I would ignore a few petty comments and smile for that degree of flexibility. If they want to say something formally they can? Otherwise keep making up your hours (but not exceeding them) and be glad of their flexibility as they should be glad of you.

@mummyceecee

No I can’t afford childcare at £10-12 an hour. If I could I would. Why is that hard to grasp? We don’t all earn huge sums of money, I pay rent council tax water has electric travel food. It doesn’t go far. I have no income from the absent father. I work started on 34.5 hours now do 37 if I stay until 4 for 2 days but But if school clubs get cancelled I have no option but to leave work at 3 and collect my child. Then I’ve done 35 hours. I Then work until 6 from home which I do t get paid for.

Most people don't earn huge sums of money and have bills to pay and council tax just like you do.

Does your boss know your working all of these extra hours? If you are doing them unpaid and voluntarily then they wouldn't class them as hours worked. Hours worked are contracted hours.

Also you are potentially getting yourself in trouble by making phonecalls in the supermarket where its not private. This can get you in trouble with your job even more so as its outside the office and outside your normal hours.

mummyceecee it does sound as though your employer struggles to recruit and keep staff and is very reliant on you doing the work of multiple people.

Replies to posts like this often tend towards harshness, with "your employer isn't responsible for your childcare problems" being a standard phrase. However by the same token you are not responsible for your employer being unable to fill vaccinacies or cover the roles properly.

You say you don't have a contract and are poorly paid and do more hours than you ever agreed to, yet your employer is dropping heavy hints you should stay longer.

It sounds as though the piss taking is not only, nor mostly on your side. You might leave an hour early and get the work finished on the hoof and at home, but your employer is taking liberties too.

Id take a few days to reassess whether you need your employer as much as they need you, get your CV updated and start looking at job advertisements and putting in some applications elsewhere.

If you want to stay with your current employer ask for a review, go in with a list of points and ask what they want from you and what your boundaries/ lines in the sand are and insist on a written contract! Negotiate for clear expectations which are the best compromise for the firm and for you. You really shouldn't be working without a contract, you're making yourself vulnerable.

I agree that the OP sounds exhausted.

Unfortunately, it also sounds a shit company. No contract- OP are your NI contributions paid? Taxes? Do you get holidays? You've been there 6 years, have you never had a proper contract?

I think it sounds as though the boss has kind of tried to be accommodating to a certain point, but having got rid of other staff, the OP now picks up the slack.

If there's no contract, I don't know where that leaves her. But it does probably mean he can just get rid of her at whim and get someone else who doesn't need time adjustments for family needs.

SOLINVICTUS I agree except that he clearly can't get anyone else! Who'd work for a company with multiple roles unfilled, no written contract and low pay, in London,at a time when there are vast numbers of job vacancies unfilled everywhere?

The OP needs to value herself as an employee and expect to be valued - by insisting on a written contract at least!

@EarringsandLipstick no the OP is not "massively entitled", just sick and tired trying to juggle everything on her tod. Try practicing some empathy, maybe? What happened to the sisterhood? OP, either you try your best to ignore the eejit's comments or start looking around for another job. And I would also make a special plea to afterschool club. Surely single parents get a look in? Good luck!

OP, contact ACAS for advice. Especially if you don't have a contract.
But consider all aspects before speaking to your manager.
A friend of ours was working without a contract. We were all horrified and urged him to raise it with the company. He did. He got a contract, with a holiday allowance (paid) and everything. Result? Well, he wasn't happy that his take-home pay went down, because previously the company had paid for the hours he worked, and he never took holidays.

No written contract does not mean company can get rid of OP at whim FFS - where do all the mumsnet pop lawyers come from

OP - I'd look for another job, many companies offer better flexible working arrangements than this. I really think you shd start searching irrespective of anything else you do. You sound like a diligent loyal and conscientious employee - they don't deserve you. / you deserve better.

If you stay...is the company big enough to have an HR person? If not you will need to talk to your line manager but be confident in this - they are screwed if you leave.

In your role, does it matter that you work within the constraints of specific hours (eg have to take calls in business hours)? If not, agree with them that you will work set hours around school drop off etc. If you make up some hours after 6, you are still working them.

If they want you to work set hours and maintain the increased level of hours, then you will need a payrise to cover childcare costs. Otherwise the answer is no, you cannot do the extra hours.

Don't work over your contracted hours if they don't pay overtime! You aren't on the kind of salary / package to make that ok.

Look for a new job, OP. This one sounds rubbish for your work-life balance and your self-esteem.

It sounds as if, over the years, your company has been very accommodating, as have you. And whilst I appreciate you're in a tricky situation, your childcare arrangements are not your company's problem.

I'd prepare for, and then have, a serious conversation with your boss about what it is they need you to do and what you are able to accommodate. Try to work out a compromise, but ultimately if you can't you need to find another job.

I think you need to have a very frank conversation with your boss if they make comments then the heart of the truth it does annoy your employer so I think it needs addressing . Of course employers should be flexible the odd day you need to leave early but continuously you need to look at your hours because your idea of making up for it is constantly answering emails and phone calls is no way to live . Think about it op realistically how long can you keep doing this for ?.

No one lasts in the job except you? Someone leaves and you pick up their workload? But they are on at you to work unsociable hours for a parent? I'd look for another job or have a very clear chat with them and lay out what you have said here. That you work all the hours you are paid for, diligently. That if they want you to work in the office until 6pm they need to increase your pay or cover your childcare, and if they continue to pressure you, you will have to look for alternative employment, which, given no one else has stayed very long, wouldn't be in their best interests.

[quote Mojoj]@EarringsandLipstick no the OP is not "massively entitled", just sick and tired trying to juggle everything on her tod. Try practicing some empathy, maybe? What happened to the sisterhood? OP, either you try your best to ignore the eejit's comments or start looking around for another job. And I would also make a special plea to afterschool club. Surely single parents get a look in? Good luck![/quote]
The employer needs to get organised sure.

I'm a single parent of 3 working full time in a demanding role. You cannot just decide that you will finish at 3 instead of 4 for childcare reasons.

The OP seems to be doing over her contracted hours. She should discuss this properly with her employer. This isn't the way to do it.

Empathy? Are you being serious? I know all the challenges of being a single parent; expecting special treatment is nonsensical.

@leavesthataregreen

No one lasts in the job except you? Someone leaves and you pick up their workload? But they are on at you to work unsociable hours for a parent? I'd look for another job or have a very clear chat with them and lay out what you have said here. That you work all the hours you are paid for, diligently. That if they want you to work in the office until 6pm they need to increase your pay or cover your childcare, and if they continue to pressure you, you will have to look for alternative employment, which, given no one else has stayed very long, wouldn't be in their best interests.

Good advice.

There are two sets of issues here:-

#1 There are the work related issues whereby you are doing the tasks of 3 people who have left and you now support their workload. This falls within your employers responsibility

#2 There are personal issues involving child care which are your responsibility, and not those of your employer

You need to have a frank and assertive conversation with your manager enumerating all the "extra" responsibilities you are currently undertaking and any additional hours this entails. In return you are asking for some flexibility for your child care responsibilities.

It would probably help to draw up a list of the extra responsibilities and hours of work (if any) which this entails.

Your team mates making snide comments of the kind you mention is a form of bullying and harassment if is is done continually. Bullying can be done in subtle ways and includes petty remarks and "semi joking" tones which are clearly an issue with you. This needs to be addressed. Is there an HR person you can speak to?

Sadly we don’t have an hr department, my hours were all agreed verbally. When I started all I got was a letter confirming I’d been employed and my starting salary. My hours were all agreed a few years ago but since other staff members left and I was left to do it all alone the hours seem to have become a problem. I get everything done by the time I leave at 3 or 4 and I go above and beyond by responding to calls/emails out of my hours.
I could leave but this job is close to school and when DD goes to secondary I probably will leave but until then I want to stay as it’s convenient for getting to and from school.
I never just go when I feel like it, I know In advance if clubs are cancelled so I pre-warn that I’ll have to leave early and always make up the time somehow.
I am exhausted. I’m up at 5:30 to get us both ready, drop to breakfast club at 7:15, I’m get into work about 7:40 and start straight away. No one ever notices this part as I’m the first in, everyone else starts at 9.
I’ve literally just finished a call with a contractor and it’s 6:30.
I have tried so many times to explain that these comments cause me to worry but I just get told that I’m being silly, he’s just joking. I’ve said I dont find it funny but he carries on. They can’t even hire help for me as no one will work the hours they want in the salary they offer and I’ve tried to explain this too but they don’t listen.
It’s important for me to be there at the school at home time. My DD has had a really rough few years with her father leaving. He’s made no contact since and we get no financial help from him. He walked out when I discovered his heroin addiction, she witnessed this too so imagine seeing that at 6 years old? I Found out she’d been dragged around with him to score drugs on weekends while I worked. She was told to lie to me about where daddy had taken her. All this just a few weeks after her grandfather died of cancer. I carried on working to sustain routine and as much normality as I could for her. I took one day off for the funeral.
I work really hard I’m the longest serving staff member they have, I suppose I just wanted to vent to other mums today because I’ve had a rough day and I just wanted opinions on whether I’m being over sensitive for getting upset by these remarks.
I’ll just suck it up I suppose.

@mummyceecee

I’m emailing at the school gates, I’m taking calls in the supermarket, I am working until 6 when I’m not supposed to. I’m taking calls at weekends. That’s all in my own time. I’ve lost 2 hours this week that’s all. And being the only parent is relevant as the others can stay as late as they want to because they don’t have to rush off.

Emailing at the school gates, and taking calls at the supermarket is not working effectively. I would not count you trotting around the supermarket while on calls as working.

And being the only parent is relevant as the others can stay as late as they want to because they don’t have to rush off.
People without children can have other responsibilities- maybe someone has horses, or elderly parents or volunteering.

up at 5:30 to get us both ready, drop to breakfast club at 7:15

An hour and 45 minutes to get ready in the morning??

It’s not at all unreasonable to be upset at the remarks.

But if you know you can’t leave for X many years your choices are really just to let it be water off a duck’s back and ignore, ignore, ignore. Or, every time he mentions anything say ‘I’ll start working ONLY my agreed hours and no flexibility then, I suppose. I won’t be first in any more as you don’t seem to appreciate I do an extra hour or more every morning before everyone else is in.’

@ShrimpBarbarian traveling to school & than to the office? not everybody lives next door to school or drives dc there?

What financial support do you get from government or inland revenue for childcare? is there any for this age group?

[quote mumwon]@ShrimpBarbarian traveling to school & than to the office? not everybody lives next door to school or drives dc there?[/quote]
You are taking that long just to get to breakfast club

I really think this job sounds unsustainable. I know you feel it suits you in terms of your DD.

But it appears that the company is disorganised, that you are working above & beyond your hours, and not being paid. You then leave early on occasion and feel that is ok, as you've done so much extra.

But it doesn't work like that.

In my view, you need to have an honest discussion about appropriate work hours & arrangements.

If that can't be agreed, looking for another job is the next step.

Even mentally, it is so draining juggling work at the school gates, that is not even being acknowledged.

Your situation with DD sounds hard, and I understand you wanting to be at the school gate. I wanted this too but I couldn't mostly. But having a stable job was more important, and the same may be true for you.

I think it's time to face up to an untenable work situation.

5.30 get up to 7.15 drop off at breakfast club sounds about right, not sure what exactly @ShrimpBarbarian is trying to get at

@OppsUpsSide

5.30 get up to 7.15 drop off at breakfast club sounds about right, not sure what exactly *@ShrimpBarbarian* is trying to get at

thats 1 hour and 45 minutes,... what is taking so long?

I think its pretty clear what I am trying to get at?