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Original poster

Wfh with 13 month old?

56 replies

Cluelessmillennial · 05/08/2021 21:50

Hi everyone, I need your advice.

I got offered a job in recruitment. It's home based Monday to Friday 9-5. By the time they want me to start my son will be 13 months. He's 11 months now. We have a lovely nursery down the road from our home and he would only need to do 3 ft days and dh can have him for 2 days. Am I crazy to think I can wfh with the baby? He's very attached to me and hasn't been around many people. We have our routine with naps etc and I'm worried he will be scared and lonely at the nursery. Also we still rock to sleep and have to make sure all the little burps are out. He still naps twice a day. I thought of a childminder to come at our home but dh insists on nursery since our son hasn't hit all his milestones yet and everyone tells us he needs to go to nursery to catch up to the other kids. We don't have any family near and all our friends work.

Do you think it can be done? He's a very energetic little boy but a total sweetheart just wants to be next to me. Can anyone working from home and/or in recruitment advice me please? Tia xx

OP posts:

Di11y · 05/08/2021 21:54

No you totally can't WFH and have a mobile baby at home! You'd be doing work and the baby a disservice as you won't give either proper attention. It's usually in work contracts you can't. The only option would be if they're really flexible and you could arrange a work pattern where you do maybe 1 day with baby and work fewer hours or in the evening to make up for it.

almahart · 05/08/2021 21:56

Absolutely no way can you do this. A working day is a long time not to give full attention to a baby. It just can't be done.

Doyoumind · 05/08/2021 21:57

Do you mean your dh would not be working at all on those 2 days? DS would need to be completely out the way in order for you to work.

Siennabear · 05/08/2021 21:59

No definitely not. You will not get anything done and it would be very stressful. Every parent feels the same returning from maternity leave. Once you settle in your new routine you and baby will be fine. He will make lots of friends and have a great time going to nursery.

MarceyMc · 05/08/2021 21:59

Have you discussed it with your new employer? As they will almost certainly not allow you to wfh if you don't have childcare arrangements for your DS anyway

superram · 05/08/2021 21:59

He’ll be a lot more lonely at home while you work than he will in nursery. Yabu and know it! You’ll also get the sack.

Original poster

Cluelessmillennial · 05/08/2021 22:00

@Doyoumind yes he works shifts but it's always the weekend and two weekdays.

@almahart @Di11y so do you think nursery or nanny/childminder would be best?

OP posts:

DGFB · 05/08/2021 22:01

If your DH can have him or two days without working himself then yes of course you can wfh. You would need your own space away from the baby and your DH would have to plan things out of the house to give you space to work. But of course it can be done.
Settling young ones into nursery is always hard but many thrive.
You could get a childminder for three days instead? A childminder would help him hit his goals and he would mix with other children at their house. We’ve used both nursery and childminder and both are good but our childminder is spectacular

Starjammer · 05/08/2021 22:01

No way. They get more and more demanding and mobile as they become toddlers and it's not really fair to a toddler to be trying to work when they want to spend time with you and are too little to understand why you are ignoring them or trying to get them to go away.

Floofsquidge · 05/08/2021 22:01

Take it from someone that had no choice but to attempt to WFH with a 1 year old when the nurseries were closed in first wave: NO. No you cannot do this.

Twizbe · 05/08/2021 22:01

Nope, you cannot work from home with a 13 month old. Ask any parent who had to work at home with no childcare last year.

Nursery will be fine for him. It's amazing how quickly they settle in. My daughter is a proper limpet sometimes, but she runs into nursery and loves it.

He won't be lonely at all. All those other children to play with.

MaverickDanger · 05/08/2021 22:02

Yes, you are crazy.

Either take the job and put him in nursery or stay at home with him, you can’t half arse both.

I’ve worked in recruitment for years and you will constantly be on the phone. It would be so unprofessional to hear a baby in the background.

Chocolateemergency · 05/08/2021 22:02

I have a 14month old and it would be impossible to work with her around.

I was really nervous sending her to nursery as she was a lockdown baby, hadn’t been around anyone etc. Etc. But she absolutely loves going and is coming on leaps and bounds.
I spoke to the nursery about her schedule and comforts etc. and they’re more than happy to follow them but they did advise me that the children naturally change to the schedule of the nursery as they want to do what the other children are doing.

55378OO8 · 05/08/2021 22:03

Do you mean wfh with your DH looking after the baby in the same house? That should be OK if you have a separate room to work in.

Or do you mean you would be looking after the baby while you wfh? I don't think you can do that as a long term plan. I've tried in emergencies eg when DC have been ill and it doesn't work very well at all, I could manage to reply to the odd urgent email while the baby napped but not much else.

Original poster

Cluelessmillennial · 05/08/2021 22:04

@Siennabear I hope so I'm just worried since he has been so sheltered (he was a preemie and we were so scared to take him out during all this he went to soft play for the first time 2 weeks ago! (birthday party and the other babies his age were so ahead of ds)

OP posts:

SquashMinusIsShit · 05/08/2021 22:04

it's not really fair to a toddler to be trying to work when they want to spend time with you and are too little to understand why you are ignoring them or trying to get them to go away.

This. Unless you pretend to leave the house, sneak upstairs & your DC has no idea that you're home it just won't work

Fcuk38 · 05/08/2021 22:06

I have a 12 and 10 year old who are very independent and I have no childcare for when I work from home. However it’s a pain in the arse at their ages as I get interrupted, they get loud etc. So imagine that with a baby who had no sense whatsoever of the importance of a call that you may be on. Not forgetting that if you work in recruitment you are the first impression of a company that a candidate gets.... a crying baby in the background is not a good impression. Your being precious im afraid they will be fine at nursery .

Twizbe · 05/08/2021 22:06

[quote Cluelessmillennial]@Siennabear I hope so I'm just worried since he has been so sheltered (he was a preemie and we were so scared to take him out during all this he went to soft play for the first time 2 weeks ago! (birthday party and the other babies his age were so ahead of ds)[/quote]
It sounds like it would do you both good to start nursery.

We all want to keep our kids safe, but they have to grow up and develop some independence from us.

As for being behind, don't worry too much about that. All babies develop at different rates

Sexnotgender · 05/08/2021 22:09

Nope, you cannot work from home with a 13 month old. Ask any parent who had to work at home with no childcare last year.

This was me. DS was 13 months when we locked down last year. Both DH and I WFH, I nearly had a nervous breakdown after about 3 weeks. It was AWFUL.

We did 7 months of it last year and another 3 this year. Beyond hideous. Do not recommend!!

Original poster

Cluelessmillennial · 05/08/2021 22:09

@Twizbe that's what everyone tells me. I've tried to do small things like stop rocking etc but he's always with me and thats all he knows so it's impossible really.

OP posts:

LIZS · 05/08/2021 22:11

A childminder can only work in their home/premises not come to you, that would be a nanny and you become an employer. Unless you have space to keep work and childcare completely separate childcare at home while you work is not likely to turn out well.

LuxOlente · 05/08/2021 22:11

Even if your child was quiet, do you really want a life for him where his caregiver taps at a laptop all day, ignoring him, while he sits quietly in a corner?

He deserves to be played with, and read to, and shown lots of fun things to interact with, and to play outside and to grow. He'll hardly be living his best toddler life staring at the television or sitting with a toy for 8 hours. If you're concerned he's behind the other kids, he'll certainly remain there without some interaction in his life beyond working parents sitting silently, barely looking his way.

He deserves to be in an environment with people interacting with him. If you are working, he should be in a nursery, learning and talking and growing. He cannot be expected to thrive with minimal adult interaction.

If he's in nursery, you can focus on work knowing he's going to thrive, then enjoy him when he comes home.

Original poster

Cluelessmillennial · 05/08/2021 22:13

Thank you everyone, we will visit the nursery on Monday. We think we should start with 1-2 hours as soon as we can so that he gets used to it. I would never half ass work since it's a perm position and can't half ass parenting either, I just hoped there was a way to do both. Is there anything I should try to work on now to make this easier for ds?

OP posts:

Twizbe · 05/08/2021 22:15

[quote Cluelessmillennial]@Twizbe that's what everyone tells me. I've tried to do small things like stop rocking etc but he's always with me and thats all he knows so it's impossible really.[/quote]
It's hard, but not impossible. All babies have their things that comfort them, some are fine to leave until they naturally grow out of them, some need some help from us to drop.

We all know how hard it can be to see our babies grow. Even today I was chatting to a mother who was breastfeeding her baby. All I thought about was how much I miss feeding my youngest. They do grow up though, we can't stop it.

You really can't work from home and look after a baby though. Employers made allowances when we had no choice, they don't now. Most will stipulate that you need childcare while working from home.

allofthecheese · 05/08/2021 22:16

We've had childcare issues last two weeks. Husband wfh and has had DS for three days. I do not recommend. It's been HARD. He's only been managing to work whilst he naps. Glad it's just short term.

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