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Original poster

Wfh with 13 month old?

56 replies

Cluelessmillennial · 05/08/2021 21:50

Hi everyone, I need your advice.

I got offered a job in recruitment. It's home based Monday to Friday 9-5. By the time they want me to start my son will be 13 months. He's 11 months now. We have a lovely nursery down the road from our home and he would only need to do 3 ft days and dh can have him for 2 days. Am I crazy to think I can wfh with the baby? He's very attached to me and hasn't been around many people. We have our routine with naps etc and I'm worried he will be scared and lonely at the nursery. Also we still rock to sleep and have to make sure all the little burps are out. He still naps twice a day. I thought of a childminder to come at our home but dh insists on nursery since our son hasn't hit all his milestones yet and everyone tells us he needs to go to nursery to catch up to the other kids. We don't have any family near and all our friends work.

Do you think it can be done? He's a very energetic little boy but a total sweetheart just wants to be next to me. Can anyone working from home and/or in recruitment advice me please? Tia xx

OP posts:

Di11y · 05/08/2021 22:16

Don't have a nanny WFH that would be a nightmare for them and difficult for you, imagine the baby is crying (as they do), you'll want to comfort them but that's overstepping and the nanny will never be able to do their job properly.

Childminder or nursery, up to you. Done both, either fine. Nursery might be better for clingy baby, most childminders obviously have multiple children to look after by themself and if yours is clingy it could be hard to do that.

Neighneigh · 05/08/2021 22:21

Congratulations on your new job! As others have said, no nopety nope to wfh with babies in tow. It is miserable all round. And while he's 1 now, he'll be 2, 3, 4 soon and his demands on you will change so so much. I know it's hard but a good nursery will bring him on socially and developmentally, they'll get him into a routine, they've done it before. I'm soft as anything and didn't enjoy the prospect of mine starting nursery but honestly, juggling work and kids, and as they grow, is just hard. So find a nursery you really like, get their guidance on how to settle him in, and good luck with your new job!

VerbenaGirl · 05/08/2021 22:28

No, it’s really just not possible.

HalzTangz · 05/08/2021 22:31

Nursery is best, your child will make friends with other children, he will develop and reach milestones from seeing how other children react. It is good for children to socialise with other children

Feelingoktoday · 05/08/2021 22:33

It is a jests really hard to leave a baby at a nursery the first time. Most mums cry and hate it. But we do it for many reasons ie financial, social and work.

My employer will not let us wfh with primary or younger children. It is a disciplinary if caught.

HalzTangz · 05/08/2021 22:34

[quote Cluelessmillennial]@Twizbe that's what everyone tells me. I've tried to do small things like stop rocking etc but he's always with me and thats all he knows so it's impossible really.[/quote]
It's not impossible, you need to break old routines and start new routines, starting with a few half day sessions at the nursery now to give him time to settle in, and also, going out without your child on dad's days off so child can get used to being around him without you present

Zelda93 · 05/08/2021 22:36

It is really is impossible to do .. I know from trying in lockdown when there was no childcare and having to work luckily it was summer so calls were done whilst on long walks and then had to work every night to catch up on my work from the day!! It really isn't doable .. good luck with nursery I'm sure it will be fine

doadeer · 05/08/2021 22:41

Not full time work.

I've always worked around my son's naps since he was 4 months old, he is 2.5 now but that was 2-3 days of work done very fast during nap time. I cut down to one day when he was 2. It's been very tough but I do a flexible job. Absolutely could not do traditional job.

MauveMagnolia · 05/08/2021 22:42

I was WFH prior to Cv19
We had to sign each year to say that we were not responsible for any children under 11 during the working day- insurance linked.

MintLampShade · 05/08/2021 22:52

[quote Cluelessmillennial]@Twizbe that's what everyone tells me. I've tried to do small things like stop rocking etc but he's always with me and thats all he knows so it's impossible really.[/quote]
OP, my son was 15 months old when I went back to work. Also born during the pandemic. Still rocking to sleep, cosleeping, lovely routine etc. He settled in incredibly well and sleeps absolutely independently in nursery. I was gobsmacked. He of course still wants me to rock him at home, but he's adapted to the nursery routine and knows it's "lay down & shush-shush" time and will just drift off.

I know all children are different but I am just trying to demonstrate to you that they do adapt to their surroundings and get used to new routines fairly easily. Grandma doesn't rock him either as she has issues with her back so guess what, DS goes down like a dream for her. It's just me & dad who gets the privilege 😅

As for work, there is absolutely no way in hot hell that I could work! I still actually get distracted just by him being in the house when I'm WFH. DH normally takes him out as he knows I'm in and just wants to come & play!

2021mumma · 05/08/2021 23:05

It’s impossible to work and care for your child- one of the things will end up suffering. It’s unbelievably stressful too.

I’m sure your employer wouldn’t be happy knowing you don’t have childcare arranged- wfh doesn’t mean having children at home too.

In recruitment won’t you be on the phone a lot speaking to candidates and clients? Would it be professional hearing a child in the background?

EarringsandLipstick · 05/08/2021 23:10

Not. A. Chance.

And DH is wrong re needing nursery. If you'd be more comfortable with a minder, do that.

jevoudrais · 06/08/2021 02:16

DD started nursery three days a week this week. Her settle sessions were OK but she was pretty glum looking and burst into tears every time I collected her. Well the last two days she's not cried when I've picked her up and she's been coming out of her shell pretty fast. If you think he's behind I'd send him ASAP, don't hold him back.

Wolframhart · 06/08/2021 02:22

You absolutely need child care. If you can afford it, individual care like a nanny is preferable to nursery. One year olds don’t need to be in group settings.

spottygymbag · 06/08/2021 05:42

I have had my youngest (16m) home with us until he was 10m and now is home only one day while we wfh. This only works because DH takes him for a couple of hours in the morning, I work short hours and start early then we swap and I have him for a bit before he goes down (reliably) for a two hour nap. I finish work, pick up DD, sort dinner and house and do bedtime so DH can finish a bit later.
We are waitlisted at daycare for that extra day because we realise it's working for now but not sustainable long term. We both also have family friendly workplaces and bosses.

Original poster

Cluelessmillennial · 06/08/2021 08:26

Thank you everyone. I think I'm mostly feeling guilty because all our friends and family tell me I shouldn't want to go back to work and I should stay with the baby since we can afford it. Thanks again for all the advice!

OP posts:

Twizbe · 06/08/2021 08:29

@Cluelessmillennial

Every body loves to have an opinion on whether mothers should work or not. Funnily enough those same people don't guilt dads about going to work 🤷🏼‍♀️

Cocomade · 06/08/2021 08:34

I had to do it first lockdown and it was the hardest thing ever.
He'll be far better off in nursery, you can concentrate at work knowing he's having a great time.
First thought of nursery is scary but it'll be great for him, and you.

Original poster

Cluelessmillennial · 06/08/2021 08:34

@Twizbe majority of men want to work even if they're given the chance not to because being with a baby all day everyday is mentally hard and they're not financially independent but expect women to not have a problem with that. Even my husband used to tell me that if I start work he'll stay at home with the baby bc he doesn't trust nurseries. When I finally said okay stay he researched nurseries the next day.

OP posts:

Dandy0911 · 06/08/2021 08:44

Noooooo way. My girls 9 months and I couldn't wfh with her here. It's too much, you can't focus on the job as you're running after your child. Then you can't focus on your child as you need to do the work you're getting paid for.

I've done it once, in an emergency when DD was poorly and couldn't do to the childminders and it was hell!

DD goes to a childminder 3 days a week. She loves it, she socialises, gets to do lots of activities rather than sit watching me behind a computer screen all day. Honestly it's not worth the stress. If your DS is clingy, a childminder or nursery would be really good for him and gives you a little break.

We only chose a childminder as she was cheaper, she's up the road and we got a really warm lovely feeling from her when we had our meetings.

Deffo opt for childcare if you're wfh x

OldTinHat · 06/08/2021 08:49

I WFH as a single mum to two DS from when they were babies until they left home. I remember taking a really vital call from a potential client whilst changing a nappy one time! Good job it wasn't a video call! And yes, the client instructed me! It absolutely can be done, no, it's not easy, but if you have no other alternative then you can do it.

Sexnotgender · 06/08/2021 08:50

Even my husband used to tell me that if I start work he'll stay at home with the baby bc he doesn't trust nurseries. When I finally said okay stay he researched nurseries the next day.

Lol, sounds about right!

My boss did the same thing after lockdown. Didn’t want to send their toddler back to nursery, wasn’t sure it was safe.
Wife (who also works full time) said that’s fine but you need to do 60% of the childcare. Guess who was suddenly comfortable with toddler going to nursery🙄

Original poster

Cluelessmillennial · 06/08/2021 09:00

@oldtinhat two kids! Your time management and patience must be out of this world

OP posts:

Original poster

Cluelessmillennial · 06/08/2021 09:03

@sexnotgender yup yup. And even though he says he can take care of ds for two weekdays I have still factored in nursery cost for those days. But I will let him try just for a bit of revenge

OP posts:

yellowgecko · 06/08/2021 09:05

Premmie mum here 👋
DS went to nursery 3 days a week at 13 months. I cried, felt like a terrible mother, wracked with guilt...BUT...
They were amazing, he loved it. I really get it, it's especially hard when you've had a poorly baby but they grow just like 'normal' ones.
And being back to work made me realise it was ok to do things that weren't just 'mum' things. It will be hard but you can do it!

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